Let Plummer Play!

Shanahan rises from the grave

2010-01-07T07:36:00.000-08:00

RAAAAAAHWRRRR!!! I'm back!!!

The Washington Racial Slurs have just thrown an aircraft carrier full of money at our old buddy Mike Shanahan. Mikey will not only be the new head coach, he'll be the VP of football operations, with final say on personnel moves. Let us just congratulate Shanahan and the Racial Slurs on their...snort...future suc--giggle--future success...oh forget it...

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHHHHH!!!

So Washington hires a solid football mind in Bruce Allen to supposedly run the front office and then they undercut him by giving final say to Shanny? Sweet Jesus. Ask Ted Sundquist how much power he really had as Shanny's errand boy GM the last decade in Denver. Actually, while Shanahan might have succeeded somewhere like Dallas or even Cleveland (okay, not really) in Washington the impatient meddling owner is going to be the bigger problem. Besides, it's the NFC East, the most overrated division perhaps in all of sports (well, that or the SEC, but we don't follow minor league football anyway.)

The NFC East should be the TMZ division, because it's full of big names who hardly ever do anything, and when they do, it gets blown WAY out of proportion. Comparisons:

The Dallas Cowboys are Jennifer Aniston, because the last time they were any good was back in the 90's, but for some reason, even though they don't do a damn thing at all that matters, people are always talking about them. Seriously, name all the great things Jennifer Aniston and the Cowboys have done since 2004 (cancellation of FRIENDS.) They're most famous for failures: Aniston getting dumped by Brad Pitt for Angelina Jolie and Dallas not winning any playoff games in this century. That's it.

The New York Giants are George Clooney, which is a backhanded compliment. Clooney and the Giants are famous and successful, but their success is surrounded by a lot more mediocrity than you'd expect. However, both are hard-working and they do end up doing stuff people appreciate, like O BROTHER WHERE ART THOU? and crushing the Patriots' 19-0 dreams. It's hard to dislike that kind of artistry.

The Philadelphia Eagles are ironically like Jessica Simpson. Neither Jessica nor the Eagles have really been at the top of the heap. Yet no matter how far their star may fall, somehow they always end up drawing attention, finding minor success, and even getting a bit of sympathy. Also, they've both nailed Tony Romo, albeit in different ways.

The Washington Racial Slurs are Madonna; no matter how haggard they look, they still put lipstick on the pig and go out and shake it for the camera like it's 1991--the last time they mattered. No one really wants to see them, but they don't give you much choice and they also have that train wreck quality about them. Now where were we?

The only potential plus for Shanny here is an uncapped season that allows Washington to throw ungodly amounts of unrestricted money at free agents. While that could happen, neither Washington nor Shanny has had much recent success with big-time spending. Also, the Eagles and Cowboys are still good and the Giants are a minor retool away from being good again. Shanahan has a lot of work to do. If he can turn Jason Campbell into at least half a Plummer, hey, maybe it'll work out. Or he'll go after Colt McCoy in the draft and try to Cutlerize him. Either way, we make a simple, bold prediction:

MIKE SHANAHAN WILL NOT WIN A SUPER BOWL IN WASHINGTON.

Never trust a man who doesn't...

LET PLUMMER PLAY!!!

Th-Th-Th-That's All, Folks!

2010-01-03T15:52:00.000-08:00

New coach, new QB, same results. Well, there's always next year. Isn't there?

Here we go again?

2009-11-15T13:15:00.001-08:00

So maybe it's time to panic after all. The Broncos just got slapped down by the Washington Racial Slurs. The Racial Slurs are a sorry mess but the Broncos rolled over like a fat cat on the bed for those scrubs. Oops. I think we just vurped up some of that Kool-Aid.

What is it about midseason that starts crushing hopes in Denver every year? This one we can't pin on Shanahan. Coach Mickey D had better get back to the drawing board and fix this.

In some new Jake Plummer news, his old Cherry Hills house in Colorado is still up for sale. This news report shows an extensive remodeling and a bargain-basement price of $3.8 million. If we had the money we would definitely grab this property for its historical significance. But we have to save up for that pack of Top Ramen.

LET PLUMMER SELL!!!

Time to panic yet?

2009-11-10T20:08:00.000-08:00

Yes, Kyle. That's two losses. Drink up.

Uh-oh. Two losses in a row, and suddenly San Diego is only a game back. Are the Broncos beginning another ugly, 2008-esque collapse?

No. Calm down. They have 6 wins, and this week's opponents are the sorry Redskins. A win in Washington means they're back on track. Even if they somehow lose to San Diego, they have the Raiders and two dates with the Chiefs coming up. Four more wins means 10-6, and they could possibly do better if the Giants and Eagles bring their D-Games.

The Ravens and Steelers aren't exactly scrub teams. For all their success, the Broncos never looked indestructible, so the team's development is still ahead of schedule. But just as we thought, they aren't ready to knock off one of the big boys (unless they manage a miracle in Indianapolis in six weeks.) No shame in that.

For now. Next year, expectations are going to be higher.

Jake Plummer watch: nothing to report at this time. In other news, Larry Johnson was released by the Chiefs...how best to put this? "lol" seems appropriate.

Jake gets a hole in one. We think.

2009-10-15T11:38:00.000-07:00

"...and you shake it all about."

After getting all whoopty-woo about the Broncos' 5-0 start, we figure it's time to get back to what life's really all about: a Jake Plummer update!

A search of the ol' Google brought up this little tidbit. Apparently Jake nailed a hole-in-one last Monday on the #2 at Maple Hill Golf Club in Hemlock, MI.

It's entirely possible that this was just a guy named Jake Plummer and not THE real deal Snake, but either way it's newsworthy. Either our man Jake got a hole-in-one, or someone with the last name "Plummer" had the God-given sense to name their boy "Jake" some time ago, knowing his offspring would share that name with one of the NFL's great gamers.

Honestly, we aren't sure how much golf Jake actually plays, but 99% of former NFL quarterbacks seem to take it up, so he probably does swing the irons on occasion.

LET PLUMMER PLAY!!! GOLF!!!

5-0!?!?!?

2009-10-11T16:35:00.000-07:00

Holy crap. The Mile High advantage is back.

Down go the Patriots! We can doubt MickeyD no longer. Thank you for proving that a good young coach can do better than a "legendary" coach when the legend loses his competitive edge, Josh McD.

Super Bowl this year? We're not going to bounce off the walls with anticipation yet, but Denver is once again a top ten NFL team and possibly top five. What a difference a year and a coach who has all his marbles makes.

The schedule ahead looks tough, but the Broncos already have five wins. Four more probably gets them in the playoffs. Conveniently, Denver gets the Chiefs twice, the Redskins, and the Raiders. Start saving up for playoff ticket scalps, Broncos fans.

p.s: San Diego, hope you enjoyed that lame little run of "success." It's over.

(EDITORS NOTE, 1/3/10: Well, we were wrong. Sue us.)

4-0!!!

2009-10-06T11:50:00.000-07:00

Drink up, Kyle! Your Broncos have opened the season undefeated! Maybe we still aren't 100% sure about Josh McDaniels, but we were obviously right that Shanahan needed to go.

Funny how people seem less excited about this fast start than last year's fast start. Sure, the Broncos haven't beaten a real contender yet. But even though the Cowboys are an overrated shell of a good team (like we correctly predicted the Titans would be even though we were too busy to do a true 2010 Season Predictions column) the shutdown defense on Tony "OVERRATED" Romo was impressive.

The rest of the schedule is a lot tougher, outside of the Chiefs and Raiders rematches. This week? Josh MickeyD gets to take a shot at his old mentor Bill Belichick, which we're FAR more excited about than last night's predictable and sickening Brett Favre circle jerk by ESPN. The Broncos (can't believe we're saying this but it's great to say) have more than just a chance against a vulnerable and rusty-looking Patriots team with a shaky running game, an inconsistent defense, and Tom Brady still only looking like 90% of his former Lord of the Pigskin self.

We think they win on a late FG, with Kyle Orton continuing his stellar ball control. Champ's going to have a much rougher time with Moss than he did with the Cowboy's paper tigers, but the defense is good enough to hold down the Pats, Jets-style, as long as no one falls asleep for that one huge game-changing play the Patriots historically pull out of their asses when they win close games.

Yes, LetPlummerPlay.com is backing the Broncos--like we said we would when things got back on track. Are they Super Bowl-bound? Hold your horses. The Ravens, Steelers, and Colts would tear them up in a playoff game right now, and we haven't seen how they'll face up to the Chargers just yet. But it's a start.

Meanwhile, while the Broncos were proving how much they didn't need Mike Shanahan on Sunday, the Cowboys went out and proved that--wait for it--Dallas needs to shitcan Wade Phillips and hire Shanahan STAT. The Cowboys, despite poor coaching, have a solid base and a talented but directionless quarterback in Tony Romo. He wouldn't make them a Super Bowl winner unless they lucked into another superstar, but Dallas has exactly the kind of pre-made roster Shanahan needs to thrive in this league. Now that he's long gone, it seems to be easier to say that we don't care if he succeeds elsewhere anymore. We know he wasn't the coach to rebuild this (or any) team and so bygones be bygones now, Mike.

On a semi-related note (speaking of QBs with no direction) as much as we hate the Raiders it's sad to see how terrible they're going to continue to be. It's much more fun to beat up on Oakland when the Broncos are actually squashing hopes of success instead of just going through the motions of crushing silver-and-black bugs. JaMarcus Russell has somehow degraded from simply the worst starting quarterback in the league to possibly the worst quarterback in the league PERIOD and maybe the worst since...who, Dan McGwire? But old Zombie Al Davis is going to stand by that big waste of space until the tires come off. Oh well, spilled milk.

Jake Plummer update: Still no comeback. Dammit.

Broncos win, Pumpkin Pie loses, Jake Plummer still retired

2009-09-17T18:47:00.000-07:00

It's going to be a busy week in the real world, so sorry, we don't have a good update. But the headline gives you all the important news from week 1, right? Jay Cutler lost some respect points--not for throwing four picks in the Bears loss, but for being wishy-washy about whose fault it was in after the game. Jay, seriously. You had a bad game. Acknowledge it, BEFORE you say "WE need to improve."

Kyle Orton played good enough. Sure, it's the second year in a row we've had to rely on a miracle to beat a bad team, but a win's a win and San Diego once again came out of the gates shaky...maybe 8 wins can win this crappy division, and maybe the Broncos can luck their way into 8 wins.

Oh, and Jake Plummer is still retired, sadly. Still, he's doing well from what we gather and that's what matters.

P.S. to a concerned reader: We don't dislike Pat Bowlen, we're just assholes with really big mouths. Sorry about any of that stuff in the past. Cat Bowlen, on the other hand, we see as more

of a tribute than a poke at Mr. Bowlen, so he stays. If you notice, Cat always speaks truth!

Fantasy Football..with LPP is now FREE!

2009-09-09T12:08:00.000-07:00

Ok so we have heard that some of you want to join, if it were a free league! Here is your chance, and don't worry cardsfan4life, your $25.00 is coming back to you, the second I'm done writing this post. So it's a free league now. This is way last minute, since the draft is tonight at 8pm. In any event, we ended up with 4 spots open, so here, have at it and join right now, for free! Of course this means, there will be only congratulations sent to you if you win, as opposed to any monetary sum!

Yahoo Fantasy Sports

League ID: 874954

Password: plummer16

and the pic above is an "EXCLUSIVE to LPP" picture of what Jake is currently up to:

(Please do not post or distribute this picture elsewhere, thank you)

Fantasy Football... LPP Style!

2009-09-05T10:19:00.000-07:00

Wanna play fantasy football with the best? Ok well then go ahead and stay in the leagues you're already in! However do you want to play with some of the staff of LPP!? Well we've got a surprise treat for you! We have created a points based league for some of our closest friends, but have left 3 spots open for you, yes you, readers of LPP! There is a $25.00 entry fee and the payouts will be:

1st place: $175.00
2nd place:$50.00
3rd place: $25.00

It's a 10 team league, points based only. Live draft scheduled for 8:45pm pacific time, Wednesday Sept 8th. I know that's late, but this was a last minute decision. In order to join, I'll take the first 3 emails received to: gabesmailbox@gmail.com. Of course we'll be expecting the $25.00 entry fee to be sent via paypal prior to the draft. Hurry, because after the first 3 emails, we're closing shop on the league.

Pumpkin Pie no more?!?!?!

2009-09-02T15:18:00.000-07:00

"Hello, ladies...who wants a big ol' slice of Sex Pie?"

Yes, dear readers, that is not a Photoshopped image you see above. Who is that suave, Baldwin-esque GQ model flashing the pearly whites and a $30,000 Rolex? It's Pumpkin Pie himself...Jay Cutler! Kissing Suzy Kolber ran an update today that linked to this website. Who knew what a difference a damn haircut (and maybe, just maybe, a little neck tuck) could make?

Hate to say it Broncos fans, but maybe getting out of Denver and into a real urban environment like Chicago actually was a good thing for the guy. Yeah, yeah, blah blah blah, Denver's cleaner, better place to live, less crime, high standard of living...fine. We can certainly appreciate life in a slightly quieter city, but let's face it, Frank Sinatra didn't sing no songs about Denver. Besides, if you need any more proof that Jay Cutler's personal life has already changed for the better, let us produce Exhibit B:

We rest our case. Thank you and goodnight.

Cat Bowlen comments on that last game

2009-09-01T11:11:00.001-07:00

It's just preseason. It's just preseason. It's just preseason.

2009-08-31T18:09:00.000-07:00

C'mon Kyle, hit MickeyD with the helmet. You know you want to.

Brandon Marshall is a whining little baby.

2009-08-28T08:49:00.000-07:00

The saga continues for Brandon Marshall. Now he's acting like an immature dick on the field as well as off, and the Denver Broncos are sick of it. They've suspended him indefinitely for the preseason, but will now have even more trouble trading him for anything valuable. B-Marsh's transformation from mere flake to full-on rectal tumor is complete, and few teams really want to inject themselves with cancer like that--especially since Marshall is in his walk year.

The Broncos, knowing they have little chance at Super Bowl glory anyway, are between a rock and a hard place. Trade him for junk? Not an option. They don't want to hand him over to a contender like, say, New England or New York because he'd magically shape up like Randy Moss and eventually, history paints the Broncos as the team that made a terrible, terrible trade.

Suspend him for the season? As much as Denver fans hate a whiner, they hate a losing team far, far more, and benching B-Marsh could bite Josh McDaniels right in his Belichick-cloned ass.

And if they just let Brandon play? Uh...Marshall has already demonstrated the temperament of a nine-year-old who got an old PS2 instead of the Wii he really wanted from Santy Claus. As talented as he may be, sending B-Marsh out to do whatever he feels like doing that Sunday is suicide for a team saddled with Kyle Orton and Chris Simms, who may be competent QB's but aren't miracle workers.

It's going to be a long, strange year for Broncos fans, especially with this drunk-driving, woman-beating, thug-taunting, trade-demanding lil' whiner on board. Considering how things went with Cutler, it's surprising Bowlen hasn't given B-Marsh the same treatment and shipped him out. Or maybe that's exactly why they haven't traded him.

Either way, WOO-HOO! GO BRONCOS! SUPER BOWL BAYBEEEEE!!!

Kyle Orton did what now?

2009-08-24T18:33:00.000-07:00

This is too good to be true. Apparently Kyle Orton, he of the NeckBeard, tossed an INT against the Seahawks in this weekend's pre-season game.

Oh, did we forget to mention he did it left-handed?

A lot of so-called Denver "fans" decided to roll their eyes and bring up good old Jake "The Snake" Plummer's infamous lefty interception against the Chiefs and are assuming Orton's pale imitation spells doom for the Broncos this year. We say NAY! (or NEIGH, if you like.) If anything this is a sign of greater things to come for Orton. Sure, his beard is nothing next to Plummer's. We've been through all that. And of course, a lot of critics are saying "Orton's arm strength has been unimpressive." Bah. Arm strength? If you want arm strength, 41-year-old NFL washout Jeff George probably has a stronger arm than 90% of the league's current QBs. We want WINS!

Why does Orton's lefty pick give us hope? Well, for the smartasses who like to reach back and make an unflattering Plummer comparison, let's just set the record straight. After Jake's southpaw INT--including the game in question--all Jake did was post up a record of 23 wins and 13 losses over the next two seasons, including the last Denver playoff victory (against Tom Brady and the Patriots, no less.) If Orton puts up that kind of winning percentage this year it will be the single greatest performance by a Denver QB since John Elway took some terrible offensive rosters into multiple Super Bowls back in the 80s (though the current Denver defense would have to perform some kind of miracle to be as good as the Dan Reeves glory years D.)

So while we still consider Kyle Orton the Lesser Beard, we do at least have a glimmer of hope that he can be successful. While Pumpkin Pie takes his arm strength to Chicago to throw to a bunch of Raider-esque scrub wideouts, Orton can toss to guys like Eddie Royal and Brandon (Why is he still here?) Marshall. We think things will even out, even though we'd really rather be watching the Broncos...

LET PLUMMER PLAY!!!

Cat Bowlen comments on Brett Favre's "surprise" comeback

2009-08-18T13:43:00.001-07:00

Pumpkin Pie says Denver fans suck

2009-08-07T16:19:00.000-07:00

Jay Cutler wants the world to know that on a scale of 1 to 10, Broncos fans are a "6" and Bears fans are a "9".

Just so you know, John Elway gives Broncos fans a "10".

Brian Griese gives them a "4".

And Jake Plummer?

Uh, Jake says Broncos fans are number one!

Cat Bowlen addresses the Michael Vick situation.

2009-07-28T19:45:00.001-07:00

Thanks to Cat for making sure the team's position is clear even though the Broncos signing Mike Vick is about as likely as Mick Vick actually growing a soul. Yeah, that's right, f*** you, Michael Vick! And if you think "oh, he served his time, oh, you guys are haters, oh, you guys are punks, oh you guys are stupid because animals mean less than humans..." F*** you too.

You think Michael Vick is being treated unfairly? Imagine the best pet you ever had; a dog, a cat, a bird, a ferret, a rabbit...

Think of all the good memories of that favorite pet.

Think of how cute and interesting it was.

Think of how much you loved it.

Now imagine Michael Vick taking your pet and tossing it into a dogfight ring with two vicious, starving, mad pitbulls who proceed to tear your pet to shreds within an inch of its life.

Then imagine Michael Vick calling off the pitbulls and beating your beloved pet with a bat until it's barely breathing.

Then Michael Vick picks up your bloody pet by the neck and sticks its head into a bucket of water until it stops moving.

Then Michael Vick drags your pet's limp form over to a cement step and bashes its head into the concrete until its brain is totally destroyed.

Then Michael Vick puts your beloved pet in a bag and buries him in the back lawn of his property.

If that doesn't piss you off even a little, you have no heart, brain, or soul. And that's before we tell you to multiply your pet's experience by about a hundred. So f*** Mike Vick, and f*** any team that hires him. Think Michael Vick deserves to go back to the same profession? If he did this at McDonalds or Apple or Disneyland, he wouldn't get another shot at the same company. Hell, if Michael Vick was just some average Joe Schmoe who moved into your neighborhood and you found out he was an ex-con and what he was in for, you wouldn't even want your kids walking across the street from his house, would you? And before you lie, NO, you wouldn't.

By the by, f*** you, Tony Dungy, for agreeing to "mentor" this 29-year-old violent sociopath like he's a 12-year-old. Go save someone who matters beyond TV ratings, Tony. Go volunteer at the Boys & Girls Club or something. And f*** you, Roger Goodell, for giving an animal murderer a lighter sentence than the guys who get busted for performance enhancers...no amount of spin can change the facts of Vick's case, just like no amount of influence with ESPN (The Worldwide Leader in NFL Ass-Kissers) can erase the fact that Ben Roethlisberger, the blue-collar leader of the new "America's Team" at the VERY LEAST had an awkward, ill-advised fling with a slightly crazy and slightly horse-faced hotel employee and AT WORST...raped her.

Look...we love football but the NFL and especially Goodell is trying way too hard to squash and smooth over image problems instead of trying to prevent them from happening in the first place. Be transparent, dummies. Every time you do something shady, like "suggest" (aka threaten) to ESPN to hold off on what may be a non-story (if you don't believe this is exactly what happened with Big Ben, you're a sad mental case) or destroy the Spygate tapes, you damage the integrity of the league. Even more than the competent--but far from legendary, as many would have you believe--Paul Tagliabue...Roger Goodell is a BEAN COUNTER. He doesn't give a rat's ass about the integrity of the game (not that there's all THAT much), the livelihoods of the players, or the feelings of the fans. Goodell's mission is plain and simple: enable as much profit for the owners as humanly possible no matter what the players, coaches, and fans say or do.

David Stern and Bud Selig aren't exactly great commissioners. However, at the end of the day you can look at those two and know they genuinely love their game and respect it to at least a certain degree. Goodell? Love and respect? Only for the Almighty Dollar.

Anyway, we originally intended to just post Cat Bowlen's pic and call it a day, but we let too long go between postings and needed to vent. Also, Jake Plummer still RULES and we'd have him back before Brett Favre any day of the week.

Our Role In The Brandon Marshall Saga--And Bowlen's Response

2009-06-18T15:57:00.000-07:00

We here at LPP are somewhat surprised at how quickly the Brandon Marshall situation has unraveled, especially since our rant from not too long ago (two posts down, of course.) We'd like to think that maybe, just maybe...we had something to do with it. Maybe B-Marsh saw our blog and realized that we, among all Broncos fans, speak with the clearest and most logical voices. Maybe Broncos ownership realized they had a potential disaster on their hands if they let this go any longer and decided to be proactive. Maybe you should all give us props.

BIG UPS TO US! WE MADE THIS HAPPEN!

Well, at least we think we did. Because just this afternoon we received a message from an NFL icon you just might have heard of. That's right, only an icon whose name happens to rhyme with "Stat Stolen" who is about to give this humble website the FINAL WORD on the B-Marsh saga (at least until he's actually traded.)

You know of whom we speak...

Ladies and gentlemen...

The BIG MAN HIMSELF...

...

CAT BOWLEN

Brandon Marshall requests a trade? Good.

2009-06-15T19:31:00.000-07:00

Word around the campfire is that Brandon Marshall is requesting a trade. The Broncos' recent signing of Brandon Lloyd (who will never be confused with B-Marsh talent-wise) may be preemptive roster filling in anticipation of such a thing. We here at LPP would like to say something to the Broncos regarding this trade request...

DO IT.

Please jettison Marshall. He no longer wants to be a Bronco and real Broncos fans should not want a woman-choking, drunk-driving, dumb-shit-doing, contract-ignoring jerk like this around anymore.

And fellow fans, whatever you do don't get scared of Brandon leaving and putting up 110 catches, 1,400 yards and 20 TDs with another team. Look--it's going to happen. He very well may put up insane numbers. Just not in Denver, sad to say. As Austin Powers would say, that train has sailed. You think Randy Moss would have put up those sick numbers in 2007 if he had still been a Raider? Hell and No. However, there's no need to trade B-Marsh where he can thrive.

Send him to Detroit.

Brandon Marshall is not worth it

2009-05-31T19:10:00.000-07:00

Brandon Marshall is a very good wide receiver. He's the best that the Broncos have and maybe one of the top five or six in the NFL. With Jay Cutler gone, the Broncos are going to need their receivers to be highly competent and to adjust to Kyle Orton and/or Chris Simms for the team to have any chance (slight though it may be) of contending this year.

With all that said...hey Broncos: Get rid of Brandon Marshall. He's an immature, selfish, whining, violent jerk. Over the last three years, he has:

Aggravated the incident that led to Darrent Williams dying;
Beaten, choked, and shaken female companions more than once;
Allegedly slashed one woman with a knife;
Busted for a post-game DUI;
Been a team distraction from said involvement in above incidents;
BEATEN, CHOKED, AND SHAKEN WOMEN MORE THAN ONCE;

And now HE WANTS A RAISE?!?!?!?

We have friends who have stopped watching NBA basketball. When pressed for a reason, one of their gripes is "the league is full of thugs." Now, we love the NFL, but really? How many Brandon Marshalls are there in the NBA? Did Dwayne Wade get caught killing pit bulls recently? Did Steve Nash get busted for coke in a parking lot last year? Did Shaq shoot himself in a club last season? Did Kobe Bryant--well, okay, but he was acquitted, it was over five years ago, and the last thing anyone can call Kobe is "thuggish." He may be a dick, but not a thug.

The NFL has more thugs than the NBA--even going by percentage--and

Brandon Marshall is a THUG.

This is not someone the Broncos and their fans should want to be associated with. If Broncos fans stop blinding themselves (we aren't going to win it all this year, sorry) and really, REALLY look hard at everything Brandon Marshall has done over his career right up until Spring of 2009, we as a fanbase should be just as tired of B-Marsh as Falcons fans were of Mr. Vick--and the organization should feel the same way. Yet the Broncos are probably reconsidering his contract because of the fear of fan backlash. After all, they can't afford to lose an on-field presence that has contributed to such a "dominant" .500 team that's missed the playoffs three straight Jake "the Snake" Plummer-less years going on four. Hey, Brandon IS a really good ball-catching-guy.

Mr. Bowlen, you showed guts when you finally said "enough" and fired Shanahan. You showed guts backing Josh McDaniel even when his judgment seemed questionable regarding Jay Cutler. Show some guts now. Don't cave in to B-Marsh. If he wants to earn the money he agreed to be paid according to the contract he signed, let him play out the season. If he behaves and has a good year, franchise his ass and tell him if he so much as gets a parking ticket he can eat bench until his contract is up. But don't give in and reward Brandon Marshall for being cancerous. Cut him or keep him, but don't cave to him.

We want the Broncos to succeed, but not with an asshole like Marshall giving us second thoughts about the team's character. We'd actually like it if the team we liked was actually worth liking. C'mon last year Jay Cutler--JAY CUTLER--called B-Marsh immature. We all know Pumpkin Pie isn't exactly a paragon of maturity and restraint, so for him to call Brandon a whiny girly man should have set off a lot more alarms in Denver.

Also, if this was one of the New York teams or New England or DC, the media would be treating B-Marsh like a superstar criminal and the Broncos would be made to look like total douchebags for putting up with him. Thank goodness ESPN doesn't give a crap about anything that happens west of Philly except Lebron James and Manny Ramirez.

Anyway, that's our story and we're sticking to it.

CUT THE THUG!!!

How Manny Ramirez relates to football

2009-05-07T16:12:00.000-07:00

Do you like HGH, Shawne?

So former Red Sox, former Indians, and current Dodgers star Manny Ramirez just got popped for using a banned substance by Major League Baseball. He'll be out 50 games and lose $8 million dollars for (if you believe the story) a doctor-prescribed sex enhancer hormone (that can possibly double as a post-roid chaser.) Once again steroids in baseball are on the top of the sports page, and once again sportswriters are foaming at the mouth about "oh no, ban them all, the sport is a disgrace, clean up baseball, what a blow to the sport."

Whatever. Baseball has no more of a steroids presence than football. What I (Pale Horseman...LPP himself largely hates baseball) don't understand is that how a sport that has been for better or worse officially passed by football as the national pastime is still treated as the holiest of holies by the same people who will admit to have abandoned it LONG before the strike of 1994 and the steroids fallout. All we hear about in baseball is "Bonds' records should/shouldn't count," or "McGwire should/shouldn't be in the Hall of Fame," or "How can we trust anyone?" Yet in football, you hear about a guy getting suspended for performance drugs, all you hear is "how will this affect the team?" Not ONE F***ING WORD about "what a shame," "call in Congress," "think of the children." Just "what an idiot, how will this affect the team?"

Football is obviously America's sport of choice these days, yet it's baseball that evokes sentimentality. What records or achievements can most people name quickly for baseball? DiMaggio, 56-game hitting streak. Bonds' 73 homers to top McGwire's 70 homers to top Maris' 61 homers to top Ruth's 60 homers. 755. 714. 59 consecutive scoreless innings. Guys with 500 homers. Guys with 3000 hits. Ripken's Ironman streak.

How many records or numbers like that can most people name from football that didn't happen in the past 2-3 years? The Dolphins' perfect season. Brett Favre's games-started streak. 18-1 (which because of the Dolphins and Giants DOESN'T MATTER, HAHAHAHA) That's pretty much it, and ONLY because we hear about them from the TV announcers every time a team gets to 5-0 and every time Brett Favre ever stepped on a damn football field. Maybe some bits and pieces about Emmitt Smith or Jerry Rice, but no one really remembers the numbers without Wikipedia.

What I'm trying to say is this: there's a double standard here that I don't understand. It's apparent that America has made its choice and picks football over baseball--the numbers back that statement up and then some. So how come it's baseball that has a "steroid problem" when football players up and down the roster are anywhere from 40 to 80 pounds more massive on average than they used to be, get caught almost if not just as regularly, and have horrible health problems after retirement? Do football fans really just not care? Is it because football, like so many other things, feeds America's short attention span and love for sex and violence, and needs to be nothing else? If baseball is so "boring" why do so many writers go insane when Rafael Palmeiro is considered for the Hall of Fame but Rodney Harrison gets banned and reinstated within one season and writers say "watch out, the Pats have their strength back."

Who knows? Screw it.

LET PLUMMER PLAY!!!

Not surprising, but still...

2009-05-05T17:17:00.001-07:00

Guess what? Oh, you already knew. Brett Favre is going to sit down and have a friendly little talk with the Vikings about taking off his real comfortable jeans and suiting up in purple.

Sweet Jesus on a moped. Enough is too much, Brett. We can't get 34-year-old Jake Plummer back, but Brett Favre won't go gently into that good night? This is what we get for eating California cheese instead of Wisconsin cheese. What's that? Brett's from Minnesota? Well, crap, what comes from Minnesota? Prince? We like Prince, Brett.

Anyway, if nothing else, this means Jake has at least a five-year return window. True, he probably won't come back, but at least we have something to bitch about for the next five years.

Jake takes his first step on the coaching ladder

2009-04-17T16:44:00.000-07:00

Explained below.

According to the news wires, Jake Plummer is going to be the new quarterbacks coach at Sandpoint High in Idaho. Congratulations to Jake and also to Sandpoint High, naturally. Also, congrats to Jake for helping raise over $10,000 for the DayBreak Center (see our last posting.)

So why is Justin flipping the bird? Why, he's flipping it at Examiner.com's Broncos yapper Greg Henry (okay, Justin's not really, but we are), who has reacted to this Plummer news with lazy witticisms. Quoth:

"Views: We're guessing Idaho doesn't get much news about Plummer's antics. His sideline flipping the bird at Broncos fans, berating a local columnist with a 9 p.m. phone call at her home, leaving his fiance at the altar in Hawaii, his general disdain for personal hygiene ...

We're guessing the folks in Idaho like the lumberjack look -- scruffy beard, plaid shirt, stocking cap and uncombed hair. We also think it's a good deal for Plummer; a part-time coaching job so he can keep up his illustrious racquetball career.

All we can say is good luck to those high school kids in Idaho. Let's hope Plummer is a better role model and teacher in Sandpoint than he ever was in Denver."

Let's hope you get a paper cut, Greg. Let's see...flipping the bird? Five years ago. The phone call? Truthfully, we don't remember that. We're sure it was a while back. Leaving his fiance? It sounds harsh, and maybe his timing was a little off, but better to call off a wedding BEFORE you get married than fake your way through it and try to live with someone you don't want to live with. Unless you're one of those hardline religious types who would rather see two people torture each other in matrimony. His lack of personal hygiene? I'm sorry, I don't recall any news of Jake skipping showers when he had his glorious beard. I don't see anyone berating Jesus or Moses for their lack of hygiene. And those Hasidic Jews must be REALLY dirty, right?

And we'd like to say going after his "illustrious racquetball career" is a pretty low blow, but we guess "racquetball player" must be far, far below the title of "Denver Broncos Examiner" on the sign-up sheet on Career Day. It's too bad Jake isn't wealthy or anything from that NFL career and can't pick something to do he actually likes.

Jake will be a better role model for Sandpoint than he was in Denver because Jake like any sane person realizes that in the NFL, he wasn't a ROLE MODEL, he was a SPORTS IDOL--just like every other player. People wanting athletes to be role models are insane. If athletes volunteer to be all-around neato people, sure, let them be role models--in their spare time. Otherwise, it's a parent's job to point out that most people who play childrens' games for a living are NOT to be emulated. Famous athletes are idolized for their play, their pay, and their fame. How can a kid truly model himself after someone based purely on news blurbs and on-field accomplishments? There's no personal connection, nor should there be because athletes like anyone else have personal private lives that shouldn't really be anyone's concern beyond what they want the public to know. As a SPORTS IDOL, maybe Jake fell short because he understood the hypocrisy and flat-out bullshit involved in spinning idolatry as being a "role model" and refused to buy into it.

But as a high school coach, Jake the Snake is now specifically a ROLE MODEL. This is a position he has fully accepted. Jake Plummer turns 35 this year, is far removed from the smoke and mirrors of the NFL and is by all accounts a family man who has settled disturbingly well into a non-NFL existence. I think he'll manage to avoid flipping off his players or convincing a kid to grow a beard--like that would matter anyway.

Either people grow up or they don't. Jake's grown up. If all "journalists" want to do is take potshots at positive acts--like a Pro Bowl QB offering his experience to kids who would otherwise be learning from math teachers and guys who never played past high school--then maybe we should all pray that Pacman Jones, Matt Jones, Michael Vick and Plaxico Buress end up in Broncos blue-and-orange so that we can read some nice complimentary articles for a change.

Not that we regularly read the Examiner or recommend doing so. It's just what came up when we Googled "Jake Plummer News." Sadly, this makes them a valued source.

Anyway, good luck to Sandpoint High as they...

LET PLUMMER COACH!!!

P.S. According to what we've heard, Pumpkin Pie (Jay Cutler for the uninformed) has reached out to Plaxico Buress and is trying to get the Bears interested in signing the ex-Giant who doesn't know how to use the safety on a gun. Good for you. Pumpkin Pie. We know you get along really well with immature dimwit receivers.

The Snake Also Gives

2009-04-06T20:20:00.000-07:00

Gotta love that shirt.

Jake update!

Is Jake Plummer un-retiring and returning to make the NFL a fun place again?

Well...no. However, Jake will be doing something a little more constructive in Sandpoint, Idaho on April 11th. Jake and former Packers All-Pro Jerry Kramer will be raising money at the Sandpoint Senior Center to benefit the DayBreak Center for elderly Alzheimer's Patients and also to raise money for local high school athletics. Jake and Jerry have donated signed items for auction among other things, and there's dinner thrown in to boot. Only $25 to get in with the money going to two worthy causes. And you'll get to meet Jake! If we were in Idaho, we would totally go meet Jake and probably get thrown out of the event for being annoying. One of us had a chance to go ambush him at a handball tournament in California a while back but fate was not on our side that weekend.

Anyway, it's nice to see Jake giving back to the community, even if it's not our community. If we ran into him, we would probably ask an inappropriate and silly question about the whole Cutler fiasco...but even if he got annoyed, we'd probably get an honest answer. Idaho, however, is far.

In other Plummer tidbits, Greg Henry of the Denver Broncos examiner had the audacity (sort of) to loosely compare Jake Plummer with Kyle Orton. Hmm, why would that be? Oh, yeah the beard thing. Thankfully Mr. Henry (no relation to Travis) did not expand on this comparison and thereby sully Jake's reputation. Furthermore, the fact that the beard exists means little. True, it's cool that Orton has sported the beard--and we wish him to do so in 2009 and beyond--however comparing Orton's "too lazy to shave" beard to Jake's glorious hairy visage is literally like comparing...

this guy

to

this guy

...and to be frank, any logical person will tell you that comparing Orton to Plummer in pretty much any category gives you the same result.

Anyway, raise that money, Jake!

LET PLUMMER GIVE!!!

Jay Cutler is a Bear. Seriously.

2009-04-02T14:49:00.000-07:00

Sure it was possible. We still didn't think it would be the freakin' Bears.

Once again, we come to the end of a very short era in Denver Broncos quarterback history. Jay Cutler, our oft-maligned, sometimes beloved Pumpkin Pie, is gone baby gone.

Jay Cutler was traded to the Bears this afternoon along with a fifth-round pick for occasional Bears starter Kyle Orton (he of the magnificent neckbeard) a third round pick in 2008, and the Bears' two first rounders in 2009 and 2010.

PUMPKIN PIE IS GONE.

We here at LPP haven't let this one settle yet, but let's break it down:

-We've been saying lately that we'd follow Pumpkin Pie wherever he may go and support his new team fully. At that time, we didn't really think that destination would be Chicago. While Jay Cutler is instantly our all-time favorite Chicago Bears player (replacing, um...Jim McMahon? Walter Payton? Ditka? Brian Griese?) We've never given more than a passing fart about Chicago and don't look to start now. Check back in a month or two.

-As much as we've felt that the Broncos and Josh McDaniels looked like idiots for mishandling Cutler's ego, this deal makes mild sense because while Orton isn't a great QB, B-Marsh, Eddie Royal, and Tony Scheffler are about to at least make him look like a decent QB and those draft picks...well, the Bears look like a middle-of-the-road team with or without Jay, so picking around #15 two years in a row is a heck of a deal. Can't wait for one of those picks to be used to select the next QB who gets to follow Jay, Jake Plummer, and Brian Griese as the star of Denver's ongoing reality series "I'M NOT JOHN ELWAY...GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!"

-Congratulations on getting Orton by the way, Plummer haters and Cutler turncoats. In 6 years, Denver has gone from Brian Griese to a guy who occasionally couldn't beat out Brian Griese. Good luck with that, since all you Elway worshippers were so kind to Griese while you were chanting "WE WANT PLUMMER" back in 2002.

-How could we have been so right? Our words, 2007: "Can’t you just picture Pumpkin Pie getting run out of town Griese- or Plummer-style in 3 years and then catching on to another team that will probably know how to use him?" The Bears may not be that team, but Cutler gets to hand-pick his next city, doesn't he?

The city of Denver still expects Elway every time the ball is snapped. Many will cry: "We have the right to expect greatness! Don't we get to hope that someone will live up to Elway's standard?" Of course you do. But the kind of Broncos fan we DON'T like is the one who arbitraily decides that "THIS KID" (Griese '99, Jake '02, Jay '06) is going to be the savior, at which time "THAT GUY" (Bubby Brister '99, Griese '02, Jake '06 and now Jay '09) is considered tainted goods that need to be disposed of before they can taint the new Elway 2.0.

Well you get what you ask for, Denver fans. Suddenly Jay Cutler wasn't the sweet little Pumpkin Pie you expected, who kept his mouth shut, kissed babies, thanked Jesus, and aw-shucksed his way into the heart of the city like a certain #7 did. Did Elway win more games? Sure. He also had a coach who understood what a f***ing defense was without needing flash cards and a copy of "NFL Defense for Dummies, and when he didn't he at least had the best teammates that illegal salary cap violations could buy.

Jay Cutler is no John Elway. Fine. That's fair. But like Jake and Griese before him, he wasn't given a fair chance to prove that Denver didn't NEED a John Elway to succeed in the 21st century. With Shanahan's archaic offenses and non-existent defenses out of the picture, it was time for Jay Cutler to get an offense and defense built from the ground up by a new coach with new ideas.

Well, forget that.

Now Jay's in Chicago and the Broncos get a wonderful choice at QB...do they play Kyle Orton, who often wasn't good enough to beat out Brian Griese--the first guy they ran out of town? Or do they play Chris Simms, who inspired so little confidence in Tampa Bay that the Fake Raiders tried to acquire Jake Plummer--the second guy they ran out of town? Oooooh, it's so hard to choose!

It's been a rough ride for Broncos fans these past few years, but we're going to go ahead and say that a lot of this ill will falls squarely on the shoulders of the fans, especially in the internet age where the world will damn well know how every single person with an internet connection feels about EVERYTHING. You wanted Griese? You got him. You wanted Jake? You got him. You wanted Cutler? You got him. Well what the hell did you want this time Denver? Whatever it is, you've got it.

What this all boils down to is that the Broncos should have...

LET PLUMMER PLAY!!!

This is not an April Fools Joke...

2009-04-01T14:33:00.000-07:00

We here at LPP have taken our official stand: F U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JOSH MCDANIELS....

We don't think this comic from Espn.com is very funny, but it kinda is in a way...And if you didn't hear us, we say F U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JOSH MCDANIELS, you're a real ass!

Pumpkin Pie Wants Out

2009-03-17T09:18:00.001-07:00

"Thanks for nothing, dickweeds."

Well, there it is. Jay Cutler is asking to be trade d.

It's becoming apparent that this is now an organizational failure--and here we thought it was just Shanahan. The Broncos are now in danger of becoming the Raiders of the Rockies.

Maybe Jay overreacted to the trade attempts. After all, this is a business and players are just highly paid contract employees when you get right down to it. However, the Broncos organization--starting with the new coach and up to ownership--just dropped the ball altogether with their "quarterback of the future" going all the way back to the initial QB controversy with Jake "The Snake" Plummer in 2006. Right then and there Jay Cutler learned that a quarterback's success didn't mean a damn thing if the head coach got a hair up his butt over a short stretch. Shanahan saw the Broncos struggling and replaced Jake Plummer despite the highest winning percentage of any QB in Broncos history. Cutler may have been happy to step in and play right away, but he surely memorized how the Broncos organization pulled the rug out from under Plummer. Within mere weeks, Jake went from the second-best quarterback in Broncos history to scorned splinter jockey and there's no way that Jay Cutler isn't imagining the same scenario materializing around him.

So what is it, Denver? Jake gave you wins, but apparently that wasn't enough--you (and I mean the team AND all the fans who bashed Jake) wanted big numbers. So here comes Jay, who puts up big numbers, but now we don't have as many wins. You get what you ask for, Broncos fans.

We don't blame Jay for not getting to the playoffs--the team around him has more holes than Hot Shots Golf. We don't blame Jake for not putting up big numbers--that wasn't his style and he got wins, not to mention Jake's rosters were far, far, far from being the Elway Juggernauts of the late 90's.

Something insane has happened here at LPP. We're actually siding with Jay Cutler here, and it's not against the coach or replacement QB, like it was with Jake. This kind of shitty treatment is actually putting us at odds with THE TEAM. It's a weird feeling. Many of our fellow fans might say "Good. We don't need you. F off." We feel the sorriest for you poor suckers. You don't own a piece of the Broncos, you don't get raises at work if they finish over .500, and you don't get rings if they win the Super Bowl. This ain't Green Bay. The Broncos, beloved as they are, are a product, and we have the right to be dissatisfied with the product. If Coke changes the formula, you switch to Pepsi. If the Broncos decide they no longer want to be a class organization dedicated to winning, we may go find one that is--or at least one that may be in a short time. We won't be jumping on a Steelers or Giants bandwagon, thanks much.

Ahh, Jay Cutler. We've come so far from the days of tossing insults your way (well, LPP himself is still a bit of an asshole, but...) We've got your back, Pumpkin Pie. Jake is still #1 in our hearts, but if the Broncos are going to treat yet another quarterback like shit because he's not John Elway (or incredibly enough, NOT MATT CASSEL? JESUS CHRIST!) we are going to champion that QB's cause.

You've fallen victim to the Curse of Elway. We support all who fall under that sickly, stupid plague. Whatever has happened in the past is the past. Where you go, we follow, Jay. Even if the site remains...

LET PLUMMER PLAY!!!

Do You Think Jay Is Sick Of Denver?

2009-03-15T09:42:00.000-07:00

Artist's depiction.

Lest we think that Jay Cutler is starting to calm down about the recent trade talk fiasco, ESPN is reporting that Jay just put up his $2 million Colorado Pumpkin Palace for sale. No big deal, you say? Well, his parents have a house a few minutes up the road, and they're selling too!

Thanks a lot, Broncos. You've found a new way to run a quarterback out of town. It figures that once we accepted Jake's retirement and tried to get behind Jay that something like this would go down.

JOHN ELWAY IS NOT WALKING THROUGH THAT DOOR. ACCEPT IT AND DEAL WITH IT, BRONCOS.

Maybe the next time they have a QB who puts together a franchise-best career winning percentage--or a QB who puts up good numbers despite being young and "supported" by a terrible, terrible offensive line and non-existent defense--the Broncos won't point fingers and try fix one of the pieces that isn't broken after a failed season. But this theory assumes that the Broncos are truly capable of learning from mistakes, and their recent track record is pretty spotty, including the fact that they didn't...

LET PLUMMER PLAY!!!

They Just Don't Wanna

2009-03-11T15:24:00.001-07:00

Cheer up, Jay. At least you aren't a Viking. Yet.

We've figured it out, Denver fans. Don't say we didn't tell you so later on. We have figured out a dirty, dirty secret about the Broncos organization that you won't want to hear. We thought maybe with the firing of Shanahan that this secret might not be true after all, but we can't deny it any longer. Ready? Here it is.

THE DENVER BRONCOS DO NOT WANT TO WIN.

Just to clarify, by that we mean: they do not want to win games, they do not want to be good, and quite possibly they do not want to be a respectable NFL franchise.

Some of us here at LetPlummerPlay.com have been very critical of Pumpkin Pie, in fact downright scornful at times. However there is no denying this: Jay Cutler is no worse than the seventh-best QB in the game o' foosball and possibly better. Whom would you rather have? Whom is more or at least equally successful? In case you haven't thought about it, we'll give you three short lists in no particular order:

1. CLEARLY BETTER (than Jay)
Peyton Manning
Tom Brady
Drew Brees

2. MORE PROVEN
Ben Roethlisberger
Eli Manning
Kurt Warner
Donovan McNabb
Philip Rivers

3. CUTLER'S BALLPARK
Chad Pennington
Tony Romo
Aaron Rodgers
Jeff Garcia

These are kind of "trade scenario" lists. Let's be honest, unless you threw in several picks and another Pro Bowler, no one on the first list would ever be traded for Jay Cutler.

When you get to the second list, it depends on the winds of change. Eli and Ben would never be traded because of team chemistry and recent successes, however, Warner and McNabb are more feasible because of age and could be swapped under the right conditions--however a trade demand would have to come out of one of those guys for it to actually happen. Rivers just had a breakout year and won a playoff game with an 8-8 team, so he's not going anywhere, but he's not exactly Joe Montana just yet. We almost put him in Cutler's ballpark, but he really did have a much better season.

Finally, you have "Cutler's Ballpark." These are guys who really are about where Jay is developmentally, in some form or another. Romo has a high-powered system built around him but can't get over the top. Pennington has a live arm and smarts, but is more consistent than talented--and occasionally, that's a better attribute. Jeff Garcia is a winner, but old. Aaron Rodgers is pretty much Green Bay Jay. You could possibly trade Cutler for one of these guys, but it would be pointless and not improve either team barring chemistry issues.

You'll notice Matt Cassel does not appear on any of those lists. He's on this one:

4. MILDLY ABOVE AVERAGE:
Matt Cassel
David Garrard
Jake Delhomme
Matt Ryan

If you really want to make a top ten list with trade value as a factor for 2009, where's the Pie? Let's just throw together a quickie and say he's not top three. Who fills the rest of the list?

Ben's won 2 Super Bowls. Numbers aside, you cannot discount that fact. Let's call Roethlisberger #4. Eli's Super Bowl was 2 years ago with a defensive team...he's not #5. Rivers may be #5 so we'll put him there and Eli at #6 because, well, that Super Bowl was only 2 years ago. So now we dip into Cutler's Ballpark. Tony Romo is not, as yet, a winner. Powerhouse teams, no results. We refuse to call him #7. Pennington is a control QB, not a clear #7. Jeff Garcia is older and has obviously never cemented a single team's confidence. That leaves the 7 spot between Cutler and Rodgers. We'll give Cutler the edge because he put up results without getting to study a consistent Hall of Fame QB with the same offense for three years.

So Jay Cutler is at least the 7th best QB in the league up through the year 2008. That means we consider him better than the other 22 starting QBs in the NFL plus their 40+ backups. The #7 slot comes with a catch: Warner may drop out of the top ten as soon as this year and McNabb isn't far behind. Brady's coming off of injury. Peyton is getting older. Ben and Eli may have powerful teams around them, but neither one is guaranteed to put up big numbers consistently. The opportunity for Jay to jump into the top five is obvious. It would seem that unless some strange occurence, uh, occurs, Jay Cutler should be a top five quarterback within maybe a year if not less. So the question is:

WHY WOULD YOU EVEN ENTERTAIN THE IDEA OF TRADING A TOP FIVE QUARTERBACK FOR *NOT* A TOP FIVE QUARTERBACK?

The answer is obvious.

THE DENVER BRONCOS DO NOT WANT TO WIN.

Because even if you (Josh McDaniels--whom we still have hopes for, but they're fading) fail in your attempt to bring in an inferior quarterback, you still manage to piss off the quarterback you tried to trade who just happens to be the centerpiece of your team and one of the few Broncos who has visibly given a shit about winning.

It's a sad day for Broncos fans, but it's not surprising. Not surprising at all from the team that wouldn't...

LET PLUMMER PLAY!!!

It keeps getting better...

2009-03-02T14:23:00.000-08:00

FROM ESPN.COM

Will someone please give Jay Cutler his pacifier, hand him his favorite blankie and put him back in his crib for his afternoon nap? Because if he cries anymore about a trade that didn't happen, we'll have to check his Pampers.

Cutler is the quarterback of the Denver Broncos. At least for now he is.
Turns out the Broncos are/were shopping him. The three-way trade between the Broncos, New England Patriots and Tampa Bay Buccaneers didn't reach critical mass, but names (Cutler to the Bucs, Matt Cassel to the Broncos) and numbers (first- and fourth-round draft picks to the Patriots) were discussed.

But it didn't happen. Repeat: didn't happen.
Instead, the Patriots traded Cassel and his franchise-tag salary to the Kansas City Chiefs. And Cutler is still a Bronco.

But the mere thought of a possible trade upset Cutler so much that he went into full waaaa-waaaa-waaaa mode, wailing like an infant. Why are they being so mean to me? That sort of thing.
"I'm upset," he told The Denver Post. "I mean, I'm really shocked at this point."

And this from Cutler's agent, James "Bus" Cook, who told The Associated Press, "Nobody's going to call the [New York] Giants and ask for Eli [Manning]. Nobody's calling the [Indianapolis] Colts asking about Peyton [Manning]. [Tom] Brady? Come on. So, why call Denver and ask about Jay? And if they do call, why not say, 'That's not for discussion. What else do you want?'"

Why call Denver and ask about Cutler? Because the Broncos haven't reached the playoffs since the 2005 season. Because Cutler's record as a starter is 17-20. Because new Broncos head coach Josh McDaniels just happened to coach Cassel last season. And Cassel's team finished 11-5, including a 41-7 victory against Cutler's Broncos in October.

Nobody is calling the Giants and the Colts about the Manning brothers because the Manning brothers actually reach the postseason and have won Super Bowls. And here's guessing somebody called the Patriots asking whether Brady might be available.

Cook, more than anyone, should know that anything is possible in the NFL. Just ask Brett Favre, one of Cook's longtime clients.

Don't get me wrong -- Cutler is a talent, possibly a major talent. His numbers keep tracking upward (4,526 passing yards, 25 touchdowns in '08), but so do his turnovers (18 interceptions, including four in Denver's last three games -- all losses) and hissy fits.
None of this Cutler trade talk likely would have happened if Mike Shanahan were still the Broncos' head coach. Shanahan is the guy who drafted Cutler with the 11th pick of the 2006 draft. They were attached at the hip pads.

But Shanahan is Broncos history. It happens. Last week it happened to 11-time Pro Bowl linebacker Derrick Brooks of the Bucs. He was cut after 14 years.

Brooks didn't pout like Cutler. And his agent didn't issue any angry criticisms of the Bucs' decision. Instead, Brooks articulated the essential truth of the NFL: It's business, not personal.

"Everybody has a picture that they want painted their own particular way, but when the picture's not painted your way, you don't kick and scream," Brooks told reporters. "You be a man about it."

Cutler is kicking and screaming. Poor baby. He stiffed the Broncos when they requested a kiss-and-make-up session. Word is he won't even talk to McDaniels on the phone.

So what if the Broncos considered proposals from the Bucs? Who cares whether they listened to an offer from the Detroit Lions? When you haven't reached the playoffs since '05, when you gag away a three-game division lead with three games left, you listen to everybody about anybody.
Come to think about it, what's so bad about the Bucs? New coach -- Raheem Morris. New tight end -- Kellen Winslow. Newly re-upped wide receivers -- Antonio Bryant (franchise-tagged) and Michael Clayton. And did we mention that Broncos receiver Brandon Marshall was arrested again?

"If they were in fact trying to trade Jay Cutler, then I think that's a situation that's going to cause a very serious problem for the organization," Cook huffed and puffed.

Why? Because Cutler's precious feelings were hurt? Please.

The nontrade causes serious problems only if Cutler wants it that way. To whine about the Broncos' kicking the tires on a trade accomplishes nothing. Especially from a guy with zero playoff appearances and a grand total of 37 NFL games.

Cutler has accomplished nothing in this league. He has pretty passing numbers, but so what? It's time for him to do a Brooks and grow up. It's time for him to spit out the pacifier.

What A Difference 3 Years Can Make!

2009-03-02T08:35:00.000-08:00

All the damn haters we have faced over the last three years, proclaiming Jay Cutler the next Messiah.....SUCK IT, not even the Broncos want him anymore.

Cutler thinks he is still on trading block

Broncos Tried To Trade Jay Cutler?

Chris Mortensen reports on the deal that Denver almost pulled off involving their QBTags: Denver Broncos, New England Patriots, Jay Cutler, Matt Cassel

Yes, the Denver Broncos want Jay Cutler to return for a little sit down to mend fences after the team's reported failed attempt to trade for New England quarterback Matt Cassel. Cutler won't have any of it after the two sides spoke by telephone Sunday.

Chris Mortensen says Jay Cutler feels the Broncos are not being honest with him. His feelings were hurt when he found out the Broncos were chasing Matt Cassel and he's in no mood to reconcile right now.

"They want me to come in and talk to 'em but I'm not doing it right now; I'm going to lay low," said Cutler. "The [Broncos] deny everything. That's a problem. We know for a fact they tried to trade me."

The Broncos have denied reports of their trade talks with the Patriots, Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Detroit Lions. They have characterized any dialogue as "inquiries" not initiated by the team, even though multiple sources have confirmed the Broncos' interest in Cassel, who was dealt Saturday by the Patriots to the Chiefs.

"He's not the only person in the last few days we've received calls on," new Broncos coach Josh McDaniels told the Denver Post. "We've received trade calls on a number of players, which is not uncommon this time of the year. I also think the sensitivity of the other trade that was occurring, with my relationship with New England and the whole Cassel thing, I think that stirred the pot even more."

McDaniels was the Patriots' offensive coordinator last season when he helped guide Cassel, a career backup since high school, to an 11-5 record following Tom Brady's season-ending knee injury on opening weekend.

Cutler, the 11th overall pick out of Vanderbilt in the 2006 draft, told The Denver Post he was angry that his name even came up in trade talks and said he still feels he's on the trading block -- something McDaniels denies.

"We don't want to trade Jay," McDaniels said. "We never did. He's our quarterback. We're excited about this season. And excited about what we're doing here in free agency to improve our team."

Sources say that the Bucs offered first- and fourth-round picks to the Broncos for Cutler, and that the Lions offered their second-round pick (No. 33) and possibly a future pick. The deal would have involved the Broncos getting Cassel from the Patriots.

Cutler was scheduled to return to Denver this week to continue learning the team's new playbook under McDaniels. A source close to Cutler said that the quarterback is "too stung" by the trade talks and has refused to speak with McDaniels by phone, let alone travel from his Tennessee home back to Denver.

"I'm upset. I mean, I'm really shocked at this point," Cutler told The Post. "I could see why they want Cassel. I don't know if they think I can't run the system or I don't have the skills for it. Or if they don't think they can sign me with my next contract. I just don't know what it is. I've heard I'm still on the trading block."

Team officials were in contact with his agent, Bus Cook, on Saturday and Sunday to deny their involvement and reinforce their commitment to Cutler. Cook said Cutler has every right to be upset.

"Because that's a vote of no confidence in the guy," Cook told The Associated Press on Sunday. "I don't care if you're talking about trading him for Matt Cassel, Matt Ryan or Tom Brady. That's a vote of no confidence in him, and that's how Jay sees it and I would, too.

"I don't know if they were actively seeking to trade Jay, but on the other hand, I don't know that they were turning a deaf ear to potential offers, either."
It was during their call Sunday with Cook that the Broncos tried to schedule a meeting that the quarterback isn't interested in, at the moment.

A Broncos spokesman told The AP on Sunday that neither McDaniels, newly promoted general manager Brian Xanders nor team owner Pat Bowlen would have anything else to say publicly about the matter.

The organization felt it had adequately addressed the issue by talking to The Post and didn't want to perpetuate the story, team spokesman Patrick Smyth said.
Cutler, who has three years left on his six-year deal he signed as a rookie, is by far the best player McDaniels inherited from Mike Shanahan, who had built a terrific young offense around the quarterback even while neglecting a defense that more than anything probably led to his firing.

Cutler told The Post he feels his relationship with McDaniels has "taken a few steps backward."
"I don't know if the relationship is irreconcilably broken," Cook said. "But I know that as much as he's meant to the organization and that ballclub, if there were attempts to trade him, then I think Jay Cutler is 100 percent right to be more than just a little bit miffed."
Cutler is 17-20 with no playoff appearances since supplanting Jake Plummer late in the 2006 season, and he's known for his petulant, moody personality in his dealings with teammates and the media alike.

"There's an awful lot of smoke for there not to be a fire," Cook said. "If they were in fact trying to trade Jay Cutler, then I think that's a situation that's going to cause a very serious problem for the organization.

"If they weren't, maybe he forgives and forgets. But if they were, that's going to be a very difficult situation to repair."

Chris Mortensen is a senior NFL analyst for ESPN. Information from The Associated Press was used in this report.

No more football??? Noooooooooo!!!

2009-02-12T10:02:00.000-08:00

Were any of us ever that young?

Well, we took some time off because the end of the NFL season always comes as a shock. The Super Bowl was pretty good, and it played out like we thought it would...Cardinals stay close enough (to cover the spread) but ultimately fall to the more experienced Steelers. For a few brief moments we had visions of a Cardinals title in our heads but after the last touchdown the Steelers had way, way too much time on the clock.

So another year come and gone, and LPP goes into hibernation for the Spring. However, we'll still do our best to keep you updated on Jake, the Broncos, the NFL, Mike Shanahan, and anything else we fell might be interesting. For instance, this interview with Jake from 2 weeks ago where he answers questions about Shanahan, Cutler, and Denver's new coach Josh McDaniels. He even makes a not-so-subtle comparison between Pumpkin Pie and Jeff George, which even made us sort of go "wow, can't believe he went there" even though it could end up being deadly accurate if Cutler never develops past where he is now.

Let's face it, Cutler had one of the better (by reputation, mind you) offensive minds in football holding his leash for the past three years. If his future coaches can't get him over the hump where numbers actually translate into success, Pumpkin Pie is going to be more of an Archie Manning than a Peyton Manning, and we all know the city of Denver won't stand for it. The current Broncos receiver corps is one of the top five in the league, so this isn't like Jake's team having a gimpy Rod Smith and nothing else or Elway's "Three Amigos" having to give themselves a clever collective nickname because individually they were fairly average. Granted, the running game is damaged unless Peyton Hillis is the real deal, but Elway used to get to Super Bowls with a substandard running game (at least when Dan Reeves was running the show.)

Will Pumpkin Pie step up and be more than just a Pro Bowler with a poor record? Will the Broncos shake the ghost of Shanahan and rise again to dominate an AFC West that is absolutely ripe for the taking? Will Jake the Snake Plummer return to bring the thunder to some lucky and deserving NFL team? Will LetPlummerPlay.com close its doors after proving without a shadow of a doubt that we were absolutely 100% right about the state of the Broncos over the past 3 years and that anyone who told us different was higher than Michael Phelps at a house party?

Well...maybe, maybe, probably not, and we'll see. Congratulations to the Steelers, kudos to the Cardinals, best of luck to our Broncos, best wishes to Jake, and all the best to the loyal few who still come around and read...

LET PLUMMER PLAY!!!

Apparently we were right about two things

2009-01-21T20:10:00.000-08:00

1. Jake will be rooting for the Cardinals on Super Bowl Sunday.
2. Jake was far from upset when he heard the news about Shanny.

This article that caught up with our patron saint came out a few days ago, but we just read it a few hours after our last posting. Good luck with the ongoing handball career Snake, and thanks for not disappointing...somehow we just knew.

The Cardinals finally do something without Jake

2009-01-21T10:54:00.000-08:00

Second-best QB in Arizona AND Denver franchise history? YOU BET YOUR ASS.

By now it's old news, but we would like to congratulate the Arizona Cardinals for finally getting over the hump and making their first Super Bowl. Since the end of oh, the Korean War, the Cardinals' biggest highlight had been Jake Plummer and Co.'s triumph over the heavily favored Aikman-Irvin-Smith Dallas Cowboys during the 1998 playoffs. So this is a pretty big deal. Jake's an old Arizona State guy, so it's probable that he had more emotional investment in the Cardinals' victory than the Broncos' recent bed-pooping, at least we think so.

Though it's hard for us to say as Jake fans, we will acknowledge that win or lose, this is probably the best Arizona Cardinals team of all time, and Kurt Warner is more than likely their best quarterback. However, Jake still gets our vote as the most interesting and dynamic QB to ever take a snap in the cardinal and white, and for damn sure he didn't have Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin. Not to mention that the '98 Cards had to face the dynasty Cowboys and a 15-1 Vikings squad, not two inexperienced and nameless NFC South squads and an Eagles team whose quarterback doesn't even know the rules of the game. Come to think of it, both Cards team had the same regular season record!

You know what? We think the 98' Cards could take these guys. Jake "The Snake" would find a way. Nevertheless, good luck Arizona. We here at LPP are pulling for you by default to take down the Steelers just because...

...well...

...since Jake's retired and the Broncos are currently terrible, it really is just because. Yup, no reason other than Jake's former association with the Arizona franchise. If you see this Jake, we hope you're pulling for them, too.

Go Cardinals, a franchise that ten years ago saw a chance for playoff glory, and instead of doing something petty and stupid, went ahead and...

LET PLUMMER PLAY!!!

Agree? Disagree? Bring it up on the message board.

Poor Fatty

2009-01-03T23:11:00.001-08:00

Wade probably hates him, too.

Wade Phillips must be getting tired of Shanny eyeballing his jobs after the roster gets loaded up with talent. But we've always said, Shanahan isn't a team builder, he's a team poacher. Give him the current Cowboys roster and sure, he could probably do better than Wade Phillips. So could Grandpa. Don't get all huffy if Shanahan goes to Dallas in 2010 and wins a Super Bowl, Denver fans. That team's already loaded. But once the talent dwindles and he has to put a new team together on his own, guess what will happen? Same shit, different logo.

The Crazy 8&8's

2009-01-03T21:10:00.001-08:00

Where have we seen this before?

SHANACANNED

2008-12-30T15:03:00.000-08:00

Well, maybe we should just shut down now. He's fired. Fired! Mike Shanahan is gone, baby, gone after the Broncos embarrassed themselves, the city of Denver, and fans around the world by crapping the bed against the Chargers in a must-win situation they had several opportunities to avoid.

Now don't get all whiny on us and say "oh, who better can they get now, LPP?" Better than what? The glory days of Elway and Terrell were long behind Shanny. Long, long, long. Sure, he's had moderate success since then, and while it's notable in a league where perennial powerhouse like Oakland or Miami can hit the skids for years at a time, "moderate success" is not enough for fans with any sense of pride or hope. The ten-year rebuilding plan is over. Shanahan failed. And if the next coach isn't as successful, well guess what? At least ownership is TRYING instead of putting the entire franchise on Jay Cutler's shoulders and praying for Elway-esque miracles like Shanahan seemed to be doing this year.

Pat Bowlen finally sees what we've been seeing for almost 3 years. At best...BEST...Cutler might have been able to do what Elway did in the early days, dragging a team into the playoffs with little name-brand help. But one man can't win a Super Bowl by himself, and those old Broncos runners-up always had Dan Reeves' solid defenses to keep the score within Elway's range. Shanahan's defenses have ranged from solid in the good years to absolutely horrific in the lean years. And these recent years have been LEAN.

We respect that Shanny was able to ride coattails to back-to-back championships without getting in the powerhouse roster's way. We respect that he never let the Broncos turn into a complete 1-15 type of joke during his tenure. We even respect that he inserted and then stood by Jay Cutler as the #1 QB...even though he did it about six months sooner than he should have. But 1998 was a LONG time ago. The old dog's tricks aren't cutting it anymore. We don't feel sorry for Shanny. He can have a job tomorrow if he wanted, in Cleveland or Cincinnati or St. Louis or even a playoff pretender like Arizona or (yes, even) San Diego. And he will be paid millions for it. The Broncos may suck next year but let's face it, with or without Shanny, a Super Bowl wasn't in the cards as they were currently dealt. A fresh start is needed if only to prove that Pat Bowlen cares enough to try.

We'll have more on this later on after we've digested it. We'd also like to direct you here, because we know this guy's ecstatic.

Thanks for the memories, Mike Shanahan, even the bad ones. However, after reviewing your performance, we regret to inform you that your services are no longer required.

And we didn't even really get into how you should have...

LET PLUMMER PLAY!!!

LPP Proven Right since 2006

2008-12-29T13:30:00.001-08:00

Thanks a whole lot Mike and Jay.

...

2008-12-21T22:41:00.001-08:00

F ME!

Oh...Hannah...Say It Ain't So!

2008-12-16T17:23:00.000-08:00

Could the Broncos actually lose the playoff spot that was virtually given to them? I certainly hope not. However it looks like San Diego is playing with a little more heart. I'm afraid that if Denver loses this weekend and San Diego wins, then San Diego will be fired up enough to cream the Broncos in SD.

Please oh please someone give the Broncos the power to win and finish it this week.

By the way the above picture of Hannah Beth just looked better than any Cutler, Bills, or Shanahan pictures I could currently locate.

"Put me down for whoever comes out ahead in your poll"

2008-12-01T11:11:00.000-08:00

To quote the voicemail I received from my dad last night around 7pm: "Hey dude, don't come jumping on the Broncos bandwagon now, you can jump on Fav-Rah's, the Raiders or anyone elses, but don't come trying to jump on the Broncos bandwagon now!"

Ok dad, I won't, at least not yet!

Chinese Democracy!

2008-11-24T10:13:00.000-08:00

An open letter to our 2 followers:

What will it take? When will you say “Hey LPP you were right all along!” When will you say that benching a QB who had taken you to the AFC Championship for a QB who had a losing record all throughout college was a bad idea? When will you say, Jay is friggin awesome, but hey, I guess it takes more than being just friggin awesome to get a team anywhere?

At the bottom of everything, no matter what any of you have ever said about us, we have been true blue Broncos fans since 1980, when I played on my first little league football team for the local Broncos. So it’s been 28 years we’ve spent a lot of time rooting for the Broncos, and for individual players as well. True, we never like anyone more than John Elway, however Eddie “Mac” Mccaffrey and Jake Plummer came pretty close. Point here is, screw all of you who say all we do is badmouth the Broncos. Truth be told, after a seven year super bowl appearance drought, we so just so over the top excited when Jake had actually led the Broncos back to the AFC championship, we knew we had at least another 3-5 years with a shot. Mike Shanahan ruined all that the very next year. So yeah, we took a lot of our anger out on Jay, who would not have? Oh yeah, all you real Bronco fans I guess.

At the end of the day, when the OAKLAND RAIDERS two highest scoring games in two years BOTH come against the Broncos, you know something is wrong! Blame it on whoever the hell you want, this Broncos team couldn’t shine the shoes of the 2005 team, or any other Bronco team before that. These new 2008 Broncos suck! It’s devastating to have to know that the RAIDERS beat MY team yesterday.

Jake Plummer beat the ALMIGHTY DALLAS COWBOYWS in their heyday all by himself, literally. Did you know that, he was the only one on the field that day, passing to himself and everything!

Jay Cutler can’t beat the Raiders and now boasts a professional record looking more like his college record each year!

Jake Plummer as a Bronco:

39 Wins 15 Losses

Jay Cutler as a Bronco:

15 Wins 17 Losses

WOW, in less than 2 FULL years, Jay has surpassed Jake’s total losses as a Bronco.

F THE RAIDERS!

In other, WAY MORE INTERESTING THAN THESE BRONCOS SUCKING NEWS, Guns N'

Roses finally release the long awaited "Chinese Democracy" and I must say...It's better than anything The Broncos have done in years!

And lastly go visit the new Jake Plummer Message Board, it's fun if nothing else!

Why Not?

2008-11-19T22:00:00.001-08:00

I can't really say much more than I've already said about how much I hate the Raiders, therefore I give you this...

Don't like it, go spout off on our new board here: Jake Plummer/Denver Bronco Forum

A Win!

2008-11-17T17:29:00.000-08:00

Yeah! We beat the Hawks, but rather than post our thoughts, we'd like to hear yours. We have created a new message forum for you to go and discuss the game. Come on, this is for all two of our faithful readers. We want to hear your thoughts on the game.

Just click here:

new Jake message board

Proposition 8, YES OR NO?

2008-11-07T11:04:00.000-08:00

When two bad teams, one at .500 and the other below .500 face off, sure lots of points will be scored. When two said teams are led by two decent quarterbacks, even more points will be scored. Yet, the QB who spent the majority of the previous week preparing, will win. Unfortunately, word around town is Brady spent too much time opposing proposition 8 in California and didn't get much chance to prepare. As for one of our two faithful readers that said "the Browns beat the Giants, so Denver beating the Browns obviously means something." I'm not even sure how to respond to that, beyond asking, is this reader 10 years old? Because when I was 10 years old, I'd often rationalize sports in that very way.

Brandon Marshall on Jay Cutler...

2008-11-05T09:09:00.000-08:00

"When the quarterback sees 1-high or cover-1 [coverage], he's got to be on the same page as me and get the ball to me," Marshall said. "But it's a team game, and oh, well."

There you go, the team is falling apart. Marshall has the W-BALLS to criticize Cutler? Cutler, as we always have said, does not have the Q-Balls to come back and say, "eh, you know what, Brandon Marshall is a soft son of a bitch."

You know who would have had the Q-Balls? That's right, one Jake Plummer. Hell, Jake probably would have slammed his Honda Element into the back of Marshall's soft ass!

By the way, this picture further illustrates Marshall is a soft ass. Look at those PJ pants.

WE WERE RIGHT, ALWAYS ARE, ALWAYS WILL BE!

2008-11-03T11:54:00.000-08:00

13 WINS and 16 LOSSES

as a pro quarterback. Blame it on anything you want to. Since the BENCHING of Jake Plummer our wonderful and phenomenal Denver Broncos have gone 13-16. Let's see...It took Jake nearly 4 years to rack up 15 losses, in that same time he won 39 games for the Broncos. Lil' Pumpkin Pie has now surpassed Jake's losses in less than 3 years. Don't forget, he had a losing record at Vanderbilt as well.

Go ahead, curse us out, but if Jay is that good, than at least admit it's time for SHANAHAN to go.

Oh that's just what we f***ing need

2008-10-22T20:50:00.000-07:00

This is very, very bad.

With the Broncos already playing defense like the Braille Institute's JV squad, now comes the news that Champ Bailey is out 4-6 weeks and Boss Bailey is D-U-N (that spells 'done') for the season. Phenomenal. The only defender who can actually defend is out for at least a month. His brother is just out.

Let's run this by you all again...the Broncos have already given up the second-most points in the league (one point behind the Niners,) were wrecked up by the opposing runner in 3 of the last 4 weeks, were slapped around by Matt "No Starts Since High School" Cassel, and now they lose their only undisputed All-Pro defender? Someone get us a beer, stat.

The worst thing about all this is that in the end, this provides a cushion for Mike Shanahan to get another "get out of jail free" card. "Oh, you can't blame Shanahan for this defense! They lost the Fabulous Bailey Boys in the same week!" Whupever. The defense is bad already. Now this puts things into panic mode.

Oh, and this SHOULDN'T matter, but we get the feeling it will considering the offensive line is starting to get fatigued again and Pumpkin Pie already has a minor injury...Patrick Ramsey's out too, meaning there's no back-up QB.

It's a razor's edge the Broncos are walking upon, and if recent history is any indication...well, let's just say we hate being so right.

Broncos break Jake's winning streak vs. Patriots

2008-10-21T10:08:00.000-07:00

We feel the same way about him, Jay.

With the Patriots' season in a shambles due to the loss of Tom Brady, it seemed they were ripe for a Broncos picking on Monday Night in Foxboro. After all, they'd been whupped by the tough but undermanned Dolphins and kicked around by the injury-ravaged Chargers. Why couldn't there be a Pats beatdown by the high-powered offense of Pumpkin Pie and the Broncos?

Oh, the defense. That's why not. For any of our fellow Broncos fans who might be understandably confused by the word, "defense" is the process by which a football team puts 11 men on the field with the intent of stopping the 11 men on the opposite team from advancing that little oblong pigskin object towards one of the goal lines.

We only emphasize this because, frankly, we are strongly becoming convinced that Mike Shanahan needs to be informed of exactly what defense means.

Pats backup QB Matt Cassel had been floundering for weeks, making Pats fans and non-fans alike question exactly what the hell Bill Belichick was thinking having his Hall of Fame-destined Golden Boy Tom Brady backed up by a guy who wasn't even a starter in college. To make matters worse, the Ultimate Cheater didn't even go after any free agent QBs when Brady went down for the year. Personal grudges aside, Daunte Culpepper was available and at least had a history of being able to throw to Randy Moss fairly well. It's not like a player's recent stats can really tell the story when said player put up those stats as a Raider.

But back to the Broncos, Cassel seriously slapped them around, throwing 3 TDs with no effort and the no-name New England running game wrecked up the Broncos D something fierce. It's becoming more and more evident that's we're in year three of defensive suckitude, and IT'S GETTING WORSE? Are you kidding? Bob Slowik is looking like a "dead man walking" which would make him the third such condemned man in a row. Even Champ Bailey can't overcome 10 teammates with no direction. So what's coming now? Another new defensive coach? Will Jim Ryan be served up on a plate in 2009 to yet again safeguard Shanahan from criticism? Oh, but this isn't Shanahan's fault, right?

WRONG.

Look, we're 4-3. It could be a lot worse (we're about 3 plays away from 2-5.) But the Broncos have given up more points than they've scored...and they scored a lot of points, at least in the first few games. Have the 2008 Broncos become predictable already? (Yes.) Is Shanahan starting to show cracks mid-season for the third straight year? (Yes.) Is Jay Cutler going to be able to save the season or is he doomed to Carson Palmerdom because the defense can't give him breathing room and the offensive line can't stop the thunder? (Please, no.)

Well, we've got a bye week coming for Jay's hand injury to heal up and for the team to prepare for a tough but winnable game at home (AT HOME, DAMMIT) against Miami. After that, they're off to Cleveland, where the Browns are killing themselves trying to save the season and the Falcons are suddenly looking like an actual franchise again.

Coach Shanahan: Shape up. One of the best coaches ever? Lead or leave. Broncos management is in a downward spiral, and they're going to take some talented players down with them if this keeps up.

Come on, now. Didn't Jake "The Snake" Plummer teach you guys anything? Once he figured out Belicheat and the Patriots, all Plummer did was roll off three straight wins, including a playoff game! In recent years, Jake OWNED the Patriots. One wonders how Jake felt watching something he used to do with such ease turn to such mush in the hands of his micromanaging former coach. Come on, Jake would have underhanded a TD to Eddie Royal--with his left hand--on the first possession Monday!

(Jake Plummer could not be reached for comment on this story. Well, we aren't really allowed to talk to him. Stupid restraining order. Look, we moved our car, man! We took the tent off your lawn! What more do you want, sir?!?! You da man, Jake! We'll be over here if you need anything! Do you need anything? Jake?)

Anyway, the Patriots would have been easy picking had this been 2005 or 2006 when the Broncos still...

LET PLUMMER PLAY!!!

We must occasionally bow to the wishes of our fellow fans

2008-10-15T22:56:00.000-07:00

It appears we have once again been overly harsh to our beloved white horses and our millions of loyal fans around the world have seen fit to slap us on our typing wrists. Yes, it's true. We can be Negative Nancies at times. In fact, those times occur quite often. But far be it from us to (my God) act like closet Chargers fans.

Why should we bring up negatives? Surely the Broncos have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are inching closer to regaining the greatness of the championship years. Jay Cutler is a young gunslinger, Brandon Marshall is a phenom when he actually concentrates on football, and Mike Shanahan despite our occasionally playful jab has at least decided to Let Pumpkin Play.

We don't want to be overly pessimistic, it is simply in our nature to do so. With that in mind, let us not dwell upon the Broncos' recent fizzle against Jacksonville. Let us not dread this weekend's trip to Foxboro. Let us instead celebrate all that is good about being Broncos fans and football fans in general.

...

Oh screw it, here's a cat in a bow tie:

Isn't that f***ing hilarious? He thinks he's people!

Hey, if we were all yippy-skippy about everything the Broncos did, rain or shine, win or lose, champs or chumps, we'd be just like all the other gushing kiss-ass fan sites of every team in every other sport cluttering up the net. You know, the way ESPN is with the Red Sox. The rest of team sports should be so lucky as to have fans like us! We offer constructive criticism and unconditional love...with a few conditions.

As a matter of fact, if you've got another team you'd like us to rep in another sport, let us know and we'll lovingly bitch about them too! Just not a hockey team. Not because hockey sucks, it's just...well, there's a lot of long European names and they all kind of blend together. And because hockey in a league format does indeed suck.

By the way, the Broncos will win by two scores this weekend, so nyah.

Well that wasn't fun at all

2008-10-13T09:15:00.000-07:00

This sort of sums up the game.

Well although they kind of hung in there as much as they could, and despite some bad calls, the Broncos got stepped over by an underwhelming Jags team. Pumpkin Pie fought bravely but couldn't do much to prevent a loss thanks to injuries and general incompetence by the defense. Seriously, that first Jags drive in the 3rd was embarrassing. The first two minutes of the second half featured some of the worst defense we've seen from Denver in a while, and that's counting the whupping in Detroit last year. Cutler kept them in it for the most part but there just wasn't enough done here to deserve a win. So much for the "Mastermind" and the Mile High Advantage.

Turnovers, bad defense, injuries...yeah, this isn't looking too promising over the next few weeks. They can still win 10 games, but this was definitely no confidence builder. The bigger problem here is that San Diego just gave their confidence a case of Red Bull by dismantling New England. Sure, the Pats aren't the same without Brady, but psychologically the Chargers are probably deluding themselves into a frenzy that could be tough to deal with once they edge closer to the Broncos. Sometimes a team gets a little hair on their balls and they suddenly think they're King Kong.

The Broncos need to heal up, stay focused, and go beat the Patriots next week. That's going to be rough because for one it's a road game and for two, the Patriots will be out to make a statement after the loss. What we really need (besides Jake Plummer suiting up for, say, Detroit) is for Jay "Pumpkin Pie" Cutler to get pissed off, put the team on his back, and hit the Patriots with every ounce of Q-Balls he can muster. C'mon Pumpkin Pie, get MAD! If you want, you can get mad that we call you Pumpkin Pie. Although we do it out of love here at...

LET PLUMMER PLAY!

Oh, and Happy Columbus Day, if you're so inclined to celebrate such a fake-ass "holiday." But at least we have jobs that give us the day off.

This town needs an enema!

2008-10-08T17:16:00.000-07:00

Yes, yes, the Broncos beat the Fake Raiders. Yes, we took a long time to update. But we've been investigating a series of mysterious vandalisms (is that a word?)

Pumpkin Pie was a victim.

Ditto Pat Bowlen.

Even the beloved "Mastermind" Mike Shanahan got a taste of the defacement.

How could this have happened?

Who is responsible for this dastardly deed?

Who put smiles on these otherwise sour faces?

Who?

Who?

Whom, even?

.
.
.
We have some idea...

Why so serious?

We now return you to your regularly scheduled football season.

See what happens when we veer off message?

2008-09-28T15:56:00.001-07:00

Are we the only ones who saw nothing but this all day?

You know what? We were almost starting to believe. You read the last few posts, we admit it...we were starting to not only enjoy Broncos games again, we were actually having expectations! Positive expectations! And then what happens? The defense craps the field against one of the worst teams in football.

Don't come at us with "oh, the Chiefs were playing over their heads today" or "the Chiefs were just due to have a good game after being terrible for so long" and PLEASE don't bring up home field advantage. Did you all see what the damn Raiders did in Arrowhead? The Chiefs consist of Larry Johnson, Tony Gonzalez, and pick a scrub QB (Damon WHO?ard) and that's it. You stack the line against LJ and you go to work. Naturally, the guy has a vintage afternoon and makes the Broncos "defense" (quotation marks intentional) look like the pee-wee squad from "Little Giants" and even Huard has a mistake-free game.

Ugh. Well, we apologize to our loyal readers who thought we were drinking Shanny's Kool-Aid (never were, we just had a lil' faith in Pumpkin Pie) and we'd like to re-emphasize just how bad the defense is. Jeepers H. Crackers, we didn't think they were this bad. If you can't hold the Chiefs (the Chiefs? The CHIEFS???) under 30 points then you are a failure as a defensive unit. But we've been saying that for two years...we just thought all that was behind us.

The Broncos are one-dimensional...again. At least the one-dimension is a good dimension, but as we saw today, sometimes offense alone isn't going to cut it--even against one of the joke teams of the league. Shanahan needs to get this team's s*** together pronto. For the third year and third defensive coordinator in a row, the defense stinks. Maybe it's not the coordinator...maybe it's the personnel. Or maybe it's the guy who selects the personnel. Ah well. 3-1 isn't a bad place to be, especially since we're one Ed Hochuli and Martin Gramatica away from being 1-3. The Broncos should still be able to win 10 games as long as they take care of business at Mile High and don't throw suck-fests on the road like today's.

Ugh. The Chiefs? Inexcusable.

The Chiefs.

The Chiefs?

Ugh.

Kansas City is about to get Old Yeller'd

2008-09-25T19:23:00.001-07:00

Enjoy that tailgate y'all, because the fun's over when the game starts.

What was once a feared excursion into the heart of hell itself has now become one of the biggest tomato can shooting galleries in the NFL. That's right, the Broncos are off to Kansas City to presumably stomp the Chiefs into next Thursday. After yet another nail biter, the Broncos are 3-0 and we don't see any way they lose this game. None. Zero. Zip. Zilch.

The Chiefs were our early pick for "Worst Team In League" and although St. Louis is just a tad worse right now with Detroit and Cincy right in the running, KC is still on track for that #1 2009 draft pick despite scaring the crap out of New England. KC may end up with the same record as another bad team, which means that in spirit, the Chiefs will "lose" the "loser tiebreaker" for the sheer moral victory of assassinating Tom Brady's knee and sending the Patriots into chaos. However, their thorough spanking at the hands of the Raiders at Arrowhead gives us confidence that Pumpkin Pie and the Funky Bunch may not only beat the Chiefs but set some offensive records in a runaway victory...

...especially since the Chiefs' offense is so bad that even the Broncos' defense won't come close to blowing this one (they won't, right?) Seriously, we're pumped by the ripping start to the season, but the defense is giving us nightmares. Denver's going to win 10 or 11 games--there it is, everyone--but if the offense runs into a tougher D when it matters, the Broncos are going to wind up like the Bengals were a few years ago, a lights-out offense and a defense that wouldn't scare Gary Coleman.

Still, Denver's relatively healthy now and almost every other team in the AFC who was unquestionably better has suffered some sort of injury to their biggest names--Brady, Tomlinson, Merriman, Parker, Roethlisberger, Manning, and lesser important pieces (like the Colts' offensive line) are out of the lineup or playing hurt. Anything can happen. This could just be one of those weird years when a one-dimensional team can win it all. Heck, it's happened 3 times in the last decade alone: the 2000 Rams, the 2001 Ravens, the 2003 Fake Raiders...one never knows. We don't quite yet believe Shanahan's rejuvenated himself 100%, but if the defense can just keep another team (a good team, not the Chiefs or Raiders) under 25 freaking points, the Broncos are in it to win it.

Just no more heart attack games like New Orleans, please...30 other kickers in the NFL would have put the Broncos at 2-1. Combined with "Hochuli's Gift" against the Chargers, we should be 1-2 right now...but we'll take it as long as the wins keep coming.

(Note from Pale Horseman--And Jay Cutler is having a monster fantasy season. Keep it up, Pumpkin Pie. I want that league money...errr, I mean the satisfaction of fantasy dominance. For entertainment purposes only, of course.)

Typical...

2008-09-19T13:02:00.000-07:00

This was sent to us by a Raider fan. I guess they do have a lot to be happy about, I mean the Raiders did beat the Cheifs. The Patriots beat the Cheifs, so if the Raiders can now beat teams the Patriots can beat, WATCH OUT, the Raiders might be going 15-1 this year guys.

Shanahan makes a good call.

2008-09-14T16:40:00.000-07:00

It's better to be lucky...

There. We said it. Going for two? That was pretty neat.

But if they had lost this game it would have been the ultimate embarrassment. After 14 points worth of gifts from Football Satan (Champ's "strip" that should have been overturned and Ed Hochuli's hasty whistle on Pumpkin Pie's "oopsie" fumble) Shanahan had no business getting an "L" which is probably why he chose to go for two...losing in OT would have looked bad on the entire game's effort, blowing a 2-point conversion only looks bad for one play. So credit for smarts, there.

A win is a win, and we'll happily take 2-0. Cutler got oddly shaky near the end, but luckily the referees bailed him and the Broncos out so he can learn from his mistakes without having to absorb the loss. This was definitely a game for the Broncos to take with Merriman out, LT hobbled, and the Mile High advantage--this was not an upset, this was "winning when you should." We're not going to put Denver in the NFL's top 3 just yet, but hey, they're atop the AFC West. If San Diego continues its streak of bad decisions and worse luck, a Denver division title is easily attainable since there are at least 5 more guaranteed victories on the schedule (Oakland and Miami at Mile High, Atlanta, and two shots at beating up Kansas City.) That means all they have to do is win 2-3 of the games that could go either way (Tampa Bay, Cleveland, Buffalo,) and pull off at least one upset (we're thinking @ Carolina for that one) That's at least 9 to 11 victories, and that's enough to win this crappy AFC West. Maybe they aren't ready to take down Pittsburgh in a playoff situation, but the rest of the AFC has deteriorated so quickly that ANYTHING can happen. Hey, why not?

Besides, if all the pieces fall into place and Denver somehow wins the Super Bowl, we can admit we were wrong about everything in the history of ever and close down the site...we'll see. Until then, we remain...

LET PLUMMER PLAY!

Pumpkin Pie in the Raiders' faces

2008-09-08T21:27:00.001-07:00

Great Pumpkin!

Well, that's a good start to the season. As we predicted, Pumpkin Pie is carrying the team despite the running game slipping away and the Raiders essentially stopping themselves by even bothering to use Justin "Every Yard Is Uphill" Fargas when they have a machine named Darren McFadden. Helpful hint, Lil' Lane Kiffin...running backs don't need to learn the game like QB's do. They run. That's it. Make a hole for them and things happen. And with that bit of advice, we'd like to add...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH...ahhhh. F*** the Raiders. Side note: Jamarcus Russell actually doesn't look too bad. But who in the hell are his receivers? Wait, did Ashley Lelie just...ASHLEY LELIE? And who is "Scheilens?" While we're at it...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH...ahhh. Way to suck and blow at the same time Chargers. Losing to Carolina? In San Diego? From Jake Delhomme? As time expired? Yeah, have fun watching the Super Bowl at home again. And oh yeah...

Ha. We can't laugh too hard at the Chiefs. We hate them, but they did mow down Tom Brady, and we'd like to congratulate Kansas City for their moral victory. Ladies and Gentlemen, your starting AFC Pro Bowl QB, Jay Cutler.

For those who might smacktalk about Jake and our ongoing dedication to his old career, we knew Cutler would be starting by now when he was drafted. So, whatever. Our issue was with the failures of 06 and 07. It's 2008 now and we're Broncos fans. Maybe we can't win it all, but we can do some damage--of course we'll back our Pie in the Mile High. Also, Eddie Royal seems to be the real deal and Scheffler looks to be continuing his improvement.

(Note from Pale Horseman--And just to be honest here, Pumpkin Pie is my fantasy starting QB. Better believe I'm behind him this year. LET PUMPKIN SCORE!!!)

Dear Jake...

2008-09-05T17:28:00.000-07:00

Dear Snake,

How’s it going? I’m writing to you because I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. Not in a gay way or anything. I’m just one of your biggest fans and it’s starting to sink in that you might not be playing ever again in the NFL.

I’m a full grown man and have a pretty good job. I go to work 5 days a week to my boring job and the one thing I had to look forward to all year is the football season featuring my favorite player, Jake Plummer. Well, now you’ve retired rather than play for Tampa Bay. I can understand that. Tampa Bay is far away and it’s very hot and humid. I don’t like humidity. It makes my clothes all sticky. You can see my nipples when my clothes get sticky. This probably is less of a problem for you because you’re so big and strong and well-built, but I’m sure it’s still bothersome.

Anyway, I’ve been moping about the house. Baseball is meaningless to me and even my favorite TV shows aren’t as interesting anymore. Every time I’m close to being entertained by something, I imagine your handsome, full-bearded face dancing in front of my eyes, as you drop back to throw a sure touchdown. Sometimes you pull the ball in close and start running for the first down. Either way, I become depressed because I start wondering if I’ll ever see it for real again. My girl is telling me to get over you, but she doesn’t understand how I feel about you. You’ve been a part of my life ever since you first suited up for Arizona State, and now that you’re gone I don’t know what I’ll do. I realize that sounds harsh, like you’re dead or something, but if you aren’t in a football uniform, you just aren’t as alive to me as you used to be. And if you aren’t alive, I wonder if I’m really alive.

Sometimes I stand at the edge of the cliffs out by my house and wonder if there is life after Jake. I never jump, because you wouldn’t want me to jump and I respect that, but even so, I wonder and despair. I’m not mad at you, Jake. How could I be mad at you? You’ve been there for me through all the good times. Like the time my dog died, and I was sad, and you made me feel better by beating the Cowboys in the playoffs with the Cardinals. That was a nice thing you did Jake, and even though you may not have known it, I really think that was meant to make me feel better. I also remember the time I jinxed you when I forgot to pick my girl up from her mom’s house, and the next day the Broncos lost to the Colts in the playoffs. I know it’s hard to forgive me for that, but a good guy like you probably did.

Anyway, I don’t want to take up too much of your time. I know you’re happy in your new life, with your pretty cheerleader wife and your money, not having to play with that mean guy Shanahan with his little golden boy quarterback, who isn’t half the guy you were. But since you haven’t actually turned in your retirement paperwork, maybe you could take one of Jon Gruden’s phone calls and come back to play. Even if it was just to be the backup, it would do me a lot of good to see you on the sidelines with your handsome moustache and a headset, calling in plays to Jeff Garcia even though you’re better than he is. Terrell Owens said he was gay. I don’t know if that’s true, but I know one thing for sure: you aren’t gay, Jake. No sir. You’re too much of a man to be gay, and I love that about you too.

You don’t have to write back to me. Returning to the game I loved watching you play would be response enough. Until then, enjoy your vacation and continue being great.

Sincerely, Your biggest fan, Jack Snake

NFL Predictions Part IV

2008-08-27T11:03:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately, Denver's season isn't going to be quite this cute and cuddly.

Once more...LETPLUMMERPLAY.COM's 2008-09 NFL PREVIEW!

PART THE FINAL: AFC SOUTH, AFC WEST, and THE DENVER BRONCOS!

AFC SOUTH
A KINDER, GENTLER YEE-HAW
The Houston Texans will never even come close to matching the Cowboys in popularity or overall success. F*** the Cowboys, that's all the more reason to like the Texans. Oh sure, they've never been able to put together an offensive line or running game and even their smart moves (turns out drafting Mario Williams at #1 in '06 was a genius pick and they straight up stole Matt Schaub from Atlanta) are often overlooked. But they're gamers, and we're confident Coach Gary Kubiak--a key member of the Broncos glory days coaching staff who is sorely missed in Denver these days--will someday get this team within spitting distance of contention. For right now, they're just an entertaining team with some interesting players that's finishing .500 again.
Fantasy Focus: WR Andre Johnson; QB Matt Schaub (late rounder)

MY BROTHER WON A SUPER BOWL RING AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS STUPID SUPER BOWL RING FROM LAST YEAR
The Indianapolis Colts aren't going away, which is good for anyone who wants the Patriots to suffer spectacular failure in their quest for back-to-back 16-win seasons. They're a little older and coming off a fizzle-out year following the 2006-07 Championship season. But they've got TV personality Peyton Manning (your ad here!), a solid all-around offense and defense, and the ghost of Johnny Unitas on their side. No, wait. Johnny Unitas isn't dead. Well, when he dies, his ghost will protect them. Until then the Colts will just have to settle for Jesus, which honestly isn't working too badly so far. Although Jesus is actually a Lions fan, strange as it sounds.
Fantasy Focus: Pretty much every starter, depending on your needs.

MY FRIEND'S WIFE LIKES THE UNIFORMS
Whenever I think of the Titans, I think of my friend's wife. The Titans are her favorite team, something she decided after the Music City Miracle. After the fourth or fifth replay of the historical comeback victory, she decided "I think the Titans are my favorite team now. They have nice uniforms." And that's sadly the first thing that comes to mind about the Titans, other than the fact that they are totally screwing up Vince Young's development by refusing to get him some halfway decent receivers in favor of letting him scramble around like a headless chicken. That's why Michael Vick and Kordell Stewart never developed, idiots. You don't rely on his speed and athleticism as a whole, you work on making the guy a complete quarterback, then the speed becomes an added weapon. Steve Young and Randall Cunningham were great running QBs. You know what else they had? An actual passing scheme, instead of 'throw to the first guy who looks open or run like hell.'
Fantasy Focus: Not sure just yet. Most of this team will be on the waiver wires long enough to find out.

OH YEAH, THOSE GUYS
The Jaguars get no respect. In football-crazy Florida, they struggle to maintain a fanbase against Tampa and Miami despite having a much tougher-sounding mascot and a better recent record. We here at LPP are making Jacksonville an honorary NFC South team for their 'efforts.' We are also jumping on the bandwagon that says the Jags are the team 'most likely to be shoehorned into Los Angeles' sometime in the future. They do have a QB who dresses like a Pimp of the Year and always end up threatening to make playoff noise. The Jags deserve more credit, especially since despite the use of teal in their uniform scheme, the Jaguars are ten times cooler as a franchise 'theme' than the Dolphins. Seriously, a jaguar would totally tear up a dolphin. Unless the fight took place in water. However, should they invent some sort of lightweight underwater feline survival apparatus, the jaguar's back in it to win it. Unless the dolphin pulls out a gun (it is a Miami dolphin after all.)
Fantasy Focus: QB David Garrard; either RB, The Defense

LPP's Predicted Standings:
Indianapolis Colts: 12-4
Jacksonville Jaguars: 11-5
Tennessee Titans: 8-8
Houston Texans: 8-8

AFC WEST
COMMITMENT TO HOLDING ON TOO TIGHTLY TO FORMER EXCELLENCE
We hate the Raiders, but at least when they were good we could hate them without pity. Now it's like kicking Grandpa while he's asleep. Since Al Davis is involved, that's almost a literal comparison. Lane Kiffin might be a decent coach, but as long as Al Davis clings to his old methods no one in Oakland will ever be able to find out. QB Jamarcus Russell held out for money in his rookie season, so you know he's thoroughly dedicated, and their receiving corps is slapped together with spit and chewing gum (including good ol' Javon.) On the plus side, they can defend the pass pretty well...which is fine for running teams because their rushing defense barely exists. They also have exciting rookie RB Darren McFadden, but they'll find a way to screw him up.
Fantasy Focus: Whichever of the RBs breaks out; TE Zach Miller

YOU WILL LOSE
Kansas City is in big, big trouble. They have disaster brewing at QB, maybe two good recievers, an All-Pro RB who's starting to break down, an offensive line that's gone from 'tough' to 'not enough' in three short years, and a defense that wouldn't scare Grandpa (and again, we bring Al Davis into this.) Even with Larry Johnson, they might not win six games. Without LJ--and at some point in the season, that's an inevitable situation--they might not win any games at all. Ladies and gentlemen, the Kansas City Chiefs: your worst team in the NFL, 2008. The only thing that might save them from a winless season is playing Oakland and Miami in Arrowhead and going to Atlanta. Get ready for that draft pick, KC.
Fantasy Focus: RB Larry Johnson (have a backup plan); WR Dwayne Bowe, TE Tony Gonzalez

FINDING NEW WAYS TO DISAPPOINT SINCE 1970
They have the best tight end in the AFC. They have the best running back in the NFL. They have one of the league's most dangerous defensive units. Their quarterback is a former top-5 draft pick. The San Diego Chargers should be seriously considered a Super Bowl threat. But then we remember good ol' Norv Turner. We think that pretty much sums it up. The Chargers will make a lot of noise and tear up a lot of teams on their way to falling short of the Super Bowl again.
Fantasy Focus: RB Ladainian Tomlinson; TE Antonio Gates; The Defense; QB Philip Rivers (late round)

And here we go...

PUMPKIN PIE AND THE PIPS
Despite the fact that we still think Jake Plummer should have finished out the 2006-07 playoff run (and he would have at least made the playoffs and saved his replacement a week 17 concussion), we have embraced Jay "Pumpkin Pie" Cutler as not only Denver's QB, but perhaps as the sole offensive hope for this Broncos team. Now, that's not the same as anointing him an Elway-esque "savior." We're just saying that considering the mess Shanahan has made of this team in a decade (ten years since the Elway/Davis-led Super Bowl this year) that Cutler's going to have to carry the team farther than the head coach is currently capable of taking them. If his mid-season dropoff last year was really a diabetes issue that's been solved, Cutler's got the arm to steal games that the Broncos aren't supposed to win. As long as Brandon Marshall has stopped being an idiot and the rest of the receivers show up to play big, the offense should pick up dramatically from last year.

The running game still gives the assumption that it's good for 100-140 solid yards a week. Exactly who gets those yards is once again a question. Shanahan is plugging in any one of 4 different backs until he finds another Clinton Portis. The O-line isn't what it once was...they need to make holes for the run and for Pie's sake, protect Cutler. The mashing poor Pumpkin Pie took against Detroit last year was just embarrassing...among the ten or fifteen other embarrassments from that whupping.

The defense is still excellent against the pass, but like the Raiders (ugh, that's hard to say) the Broncos can no longer consistently stop the run. Opposing RBs tore up the Broncos last year. If that's not addressed, it's going to be a long season for Bob Slowik, Shanahan's third scapegoat, er, defensive coordinator in three years. Champ Bailey is once again the best player on the defense, but who will step up now that much of the old guard has been replaced?

Are the Broncos making their way back to relevance? Is Mike Shanahan simply adjusting to the current era instead of falling further out of step? Can they overcome the odds and actually contend this year? Will Jay Cutler be a Pro Bowler this year?

In order: Maybe. We'll see. Slim chance. Probably.

So with that in mind, here are LPP's Predicted Standings:
San Diego Chargers: 12-4
Denver Broncos: 8-8
Oakland Raiders: 7-9
Kansas City Chiefs: 3-13

Now that we've added it all up, here's our predicted playoff pictures for 2008-09:

NFC
North: Green Bay
South: New Orleans
East: Dallas
West: Arizona
Wild Card #1: New York
Wild Card #2: Minnesota

AFC:
North: Pittsburgh
South: Indianapolis
East: New England
West: San Diego
Wild Card #1: Jacksonville
Wild Card #2: Cleveland

The Broncos will tease us and fall just short of a Wild Card. Denver's just not ready for the big time in '08. Maybe next year.

(And maybe we'll pick playoff winners later this week.)

NFL Predictions Part III

2008-08-25T11:06:00.000-07:00

Ten years ago, these graphics would have made you poop yourself.

And now, the saga continues in:

LETPLUMMERPLAY.COM 's 2008-09 NFL PREVIEW

EPISODE III...AFC EAST/AFC NORTH

AFC EAST
CHEATERS OCCASIONALLY PROSPER
Let's just face it. The Patriots are going to plow through the regular season again. An unprecedented second 16-0 season isn't really that unthinkable. Barring catastrophic injury they'll end up 14-2 at worst...and in that case New England's die hard fans (loyal since 2001!) will find a way to complain and draw attention to their woes. The Pats aren't perfect, mind you (thank God.) They can be pushed around by a tougher team. So it's too bad for the rest of us that they're in the AFC East and don't have to deal with that for a minimum of 6 games a year. Even more light and fluffy is that their NFC schedule goes through the pathetic NFC West. Those two factors add up to ten near-guaranteed wins! Circle these three games: @ San Diego, @ Indianapolis, home vs. Pittsburgh. Seriously, those are the only three games in which the Patriots should be favored by less than double digits. And yes, unfortunately that's counting the Denver game.
Fantasy Focus: QB Achilles the Mighty, WR Dog It If I Don't Like My Situation, WR Blue Collar White Guy Who Gets Too Much Homer Love...oops, we mean, Tom Brady, Randy Moss and Wes Welkah. And the Defense.

IT PUTS THE LOTION ON ITS SKIN
Buffalo's a rough team to cheer for. We'll give its fans credit for sticking by them through ups and downs. Naturally, ownership and the NFL is going to repay the city by whoring the team out to Toronto to try and get more money (and grease the wheels for an eventual relocation.) Well, that's capitalism for you...and that's worked out real good for our gas pumps and real estate over the past few years, hasn't it? Hey, it's better than China. Anyway, other than Marshawn Lynch the Bills don't have a whole lot of positives this year. All we can say is: Hit Brady at the knees, fellas.
Fantasy Focus: RB Marshawn "Ambience" Lynch

GOING OUT LIKE MONTANA
And by that we mean both famous Montanas, Joe and Tony. Like Joe Montana before him, Brett Favre goes from a perennial contender to a somewhat lesser team that gets to bask in the dimming twilight of Brett's Hall of Fame career. And like Tony Montana before him, Brett's going to come out guns blazing before getting his ass blown away. The New York Jets of New Jersey couldn't protect Chad Pennington; Brett will likely be equally hounded. He won't have an easy opening schedule either...the Jets face the Parcells-revamped Dolphins, the Patriots, then the Chargers in weeks 1-3. The schedule gets easier after that, but the Jets are still a mysterious lump of clay. If nothing else, Favre getting through all 16 games without getting pummelled into a real forced retirement with a permanent limp...that would be victory enough.
Fantasy Focus: QB Brett Fav-ruh, RB Thomas Jones, WR Jerricho Cotchery

TUNA IS BETTER WITH DOLPHIN
The Miami Dolphins may finally have their act together. Oh they won't challenge for a division title, but at least with Bill Parcells aboard, they are considerably less of a joke than they've been for the past decade. The roster is such a mess that Ricky Williams is considered an important piece...but maybe they've finally got him under control (you know, just like Todd Marinovich!) They have a bunch of intruiging pieces, including their new Coach Tony Soprano...uh, Sparano, and a reasonably easy schedule outside of the fact that New England gets two free punches at them. A Super Bowl prediction would be insane, but .500 in the AFC East is kooky but doable. Not saying it'll happen, but it's doable.
Fantasy Focus: Good question.

LPP's Predicted Standings:
NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS: 15-1
NEW YORK JETS: 8-8
BUFFALO/TORONTO BILLS: 6-10
MIAMI DOLPHINS: 6-10

AFC NORTH
THAT'S SO RAVEN
It sounds odd to say about any division featuring the Baltimore Ravens, but the AFC North may be the most entertaining overall division in the NFL this year. True, the Ravens have yet to fully grasp Knute Rockne's revolutionary but esoteric strategy of "the forward pass," but their defense is still dangerous enough to win them at least 6 games...so all they need out of the offense is about 5 good games and they're golden. That's a tough order. Getting five good offensive games out of Baltimore a season is like getting five good songs out of Nickleback's career--it's probably not going to happen, and in fact even one would be miraculous. They'll show up at the strangest times, just enough to play spoiler.
Fantasy Focus: The Defense, RB Willis McGahee

HOT STUFF COMING THROUGH
Considering all the flak he takes, Ben Roethlisberger had one of the quietest 32 TD seasons we've ever seen last year. Combined with Willie Parker and the usual tenacious Steeler D, the Steelers should cruise into the playoffs. Should. They just don't seem like an elite team and Cleveland knocked on the door hard last season. If Fast Willie runs out of gas, there's trouble brewing. Besides, no team with a mascot as creepy as Steely McBeam should be allowed within fifty yards of a Super Bowl game. They'll win double digits, make the playoffs, win their first playoff game, and then get bounced. Whether it's out of the AFC Championship or just the second round is up to the football Gods. And Indianapolis.
Fantasy Focus: QB Ben Roethlisberger, RB Willie Parker, The Defense

VICTORY TASTES GOOD, LIKE SALTWATER TAFFY OR A CHUNKY
After John Elway killed the spirit of the Browns so much that the assface owner chickened out and left town for a pile of money to a town that had already had an assface owner leave town because there wasn't enough money in it, Cleveland took a few years off and then became an expansion joke. Well, joke's over. Somewhere along the way, the Browns became relevant again, and they probably won't go away any time soon. Their offense went from nothing to threat in a heartbeat, and the defense--while not overwhelming--shows up enough times a year to keep them in a few games. Derek Anderson made Brady Quinn irrelevant overnight and with Braylon Edwards and Kellen Winslow around to correct throwing errors, he won't be giving up that starting spot anytime soon. But they have to turn the corner soon. Two years sounds about right...they can get back just in time for the Broncos to be there to kick them in the crotch again.
Fantasy Focus: QB Derek Anderson, the WRs, TE Kellen Winslow

THE DEFENSE RESTS
It's nice when you can make a Bengals joke with double meaning. Carson Palmer might actually make it through a full season this year, which is good because it's probably going to be another long defenseless effort for the Bungles. Assuming that no one else gets arrested, they can win any game by putting up 38 points out of nowhere. But then there will be the days when 38 points won't be enough because the defense lets 45 go by. Since we don't give a crap about the Bengals, we'll enjoy those shootouts, especially if they're playing against someone we have on our fantasy team.
Fantasy Focus: QB Carson Palmer, the WRs

LPP's Predicted Standings:
PITTSBURGH STEELERS: 11-5
CLEVELAND BROWNS: 10-6
CINCINNATI BENGALS: 7-9
BALTIMORE RAVENS: 6-10

Since so many of you care (0 comments thus far...wow, thanks fellas) we'll back in a couple more days with the final installment including the (dun dun dunnnn) Broncos Preview!

Plus other stuff maybe.

NFL Predictions Part II

2008-08-15T13:11:00.001-07:00

These teams get no respect. And with good reason.

For the four of you that read it (including our staff,) it's time to continue...

LETPLUMMERPLAY.COM's 2008-09 NFL PREVIEW!

PART II - NFC SOUTH AND NFC WEST

NFC SOUTH
Quick intro: We here at LPP figure that no division in football gets as little respect as the NFC South. Mostly because Dallas should be in this division but during realignment Jerry Jones threatened to sue the NFL if the Cowboys got taken out of the NFC East. This would have cut out their high-profile NY, Philly, and DC visits and Jerry can't live without that media attention. Unfortunately, the decision sealed the fate of the NFC South as a crappy, second-rate division full of afterthoughts. There's a Super Bowl champion from this decade who still gets second-rate status in their own state behind the very-much HAS-BEEN FRANCHISE that is the Dolphins (Tampa Bay.) There's a team most people simply forget unless they're Sunday's opponent, even though they represented the NFC in the Super Bowl not five years ago (Carolina.) There's a team that sits in the 9th biggest city in America that people only care about because their last quarterback tortured and killed a bunch of dogs (guess who?) Finally, there's a team that may only still be in its host city because Mother Nature nearly wiped half the state off of the map (New Orleans...remember the "Los Angeles Saints" rumors? We do.) That's pretty sad.

TERMINUS
Atlanta, while big, is just an overgrown small town in a sweaty, sweaty region of the country. Just thought we'd get that out there. Michael Vick is still locked up for the time being, so the biggest star on the team is probably...um...Jason Elam? They also picked up Michael Turner, which should finally determine if he's really a big-time back or if San Diego's O-line had just been really generous when he subbed for LT. Atlanta's going to suck this year. If you're a fan of theirs, deal with it. Not to sound depressing, but if you're a fan of Atlanta in any sport you're probably used to suffering. Worst of all, you don't even get the sympathy that Boston and Chicago fans get when their teams suck for long periods of time. But you whine about it less, so f*** those bitchy cities. We feel you, Atlanta. Even if we'll never visit you except as an airport layover.
Fantasy Focus: RB Michael Turner; K Jason "Monday Night Jihad" Elam.

A PANTHER IS JUST A BIG PUSSY...CAT
Ho-hum. Carolina never seems to know what kind of team they've got. A contender? A pretender? "Ah, who cares?" they say. "Let's just throw Jake Delhomme and Steve Smith out there and see what happens." We really believe this is the heart and soul of Panthers football. The only reason this franchise stays afloat is because the South is batshit-crazy for football. If there was no NFL team the fans would all sit in the parking lot with portable TVs and tailgate all Sunday anyway. Even if the Panthers are good--even if they're a Super Bowl contender--who cares? We're about as excited to see what Carolina's going to do this year as we are about having to get yearly prostate exams after age 35. On that note, we'll just move on.
Fantasy Focus: The Defense (except for the Saints games); WR Steve Smith

MARDI (GRAS) BALL
The most exciting team in the NFC South--again--are the good old Saints. Drew Brees is a fantasy beast, Reggie Bush gets reamed for his light rushing while racking up receptions, and they've got some dynamic receivers. They even picked up that jackass Jeremy Shockey from the Giants, so now they have a media-hungry dick on the team to divert attention away from Bush and Brees. And oh yeah, their defense couldn't keep a 5-year-old away from a cookie jar. So we'll be seeing a lot of "38-31"-type of scores. Hopefully for the Saints, they'll be on that "38" end. They have the offensive horses; it's the on other side of scrimmage that they stumble. Still, there are only two teams with a real chance to make playoff noise in this division; the Saints are one of them. (Broncos fans...get ready for a shootout at Invesco on 9/21.)
Fantasy Focus: Most of the offensive starters, but count on RB Bush missing 2-3 games minimum and take injury-riddled TE Shockey at your own risk.

JAKE WUZ ROBBED
The Tampa Bay Fake Raiders do come in with decent expectations. But we still hate them for hijacking half of Jake Plummer's rightful money like it was a SALARY instead of a a BONUS given by Denver years ago. You think we forgot? F*** you, Fake Raiders! Anyway, Larry Coyer (thanks again, Shanahan) should again be able to put together a top ten defense. It's the offense that sometimes forgets to show up. It's like a reverse New Orleans! The receivers are over the hill, the running backs are tough, serviceable, and injury-prone, and they usually carry eight or nine quarterbacks, even though a healthy Jeff Garcia is really the only one that's any good (and he's usually not 100% healthy.) Unfortunately for Jake supporters like ourselves, Tampa's got the best chance of winning this division simply because they're the only team that plays consistently solid defense. However, we are happy enough with the karmic knowledge that no matter what happens, this team ain't winning a Super Bowl this year. Nor for the next 20 years.
Fantasy Focus: The Defense, WR Joey Galloway

LPP's Predicted Standings:
NEW ORLEANS SAINTS: 9-7 (wins tiebreaker)
TAMPA BAY BUCCAFAKERAIDERNEERS: 9-7
CAROLINA PANTHERS: 7-9
ATLANTA FALCONS: 4-12

NFC WEST
THE ONLY GAME IN TOWN?
The NFC West is as big of a mess as its AFC counterpart. Three teams with low expectations and murky futures and one good-but-not-great team. In the NFC West, that one team is the Seattle Seahawks. To further muddle things, Seattle doesn't even look as good this year. Shaun Alexander, perhaps the best player in team history, is gone after a steep two-year decline. The current RB situation features his former backup Maurice "Definitely Not Mercury" Morris and Julius Jones, the former backup in Dallas. Matt Hasselbeck's lingering injuries are popping up again. They have a crop of solid #3 receivers and no #1. Their defense is efficient but occasionally disappears. Seattle is our prediction for Biggest Disappoinment Team (NFC) this year, which is sad because poor Seattle already lost the SuperSonics and the Mariners stink. Still, the Seahawks may end up atop the NFC West, simply because Mike Holmgren is a pretty darn good coach (despite looking like a walrus with a thyroid problem) and the rest of this division is stunningly bad.
Fantasy Focus: QB Matt Hasslebeck, if he plays; The Defense--pick and choose your matchups, though.

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
The Rams probably think they have a good chance to turn their franchise around from last year's pathetic 3-13 record and actually make a run. Well, they're wrong, at least about the "make a run" part. St. Louis does look to improve, however. If Steven Jackson and Marc Bulger can avoid getting steamrolled and play 13-16 games, the Rams can put a ton of points on the board pretty quick. Unfortunately, they're the poor man's Saints--their offense isn't as good and their defense is even worse. To top it off, they have to get through the entire NFC East and the Patriots before November even starts. That's not a good thing, especially for team morale. If they can get lucky here and there, maybe catch a few teams off guard, and avoid losing the entire offense to injury again, they might have a very outside chance at the Wild Card. But we're talking way, way, outside chance, like if 8-8 is good enough to get in.
Fantasy Focus: If healthy? QB Marc Bulger; RB Steven Jackson; WR Torry Holt

JERRY RICE ISN'T WALKING THROUGH THAT DOOR
The 49ers have fallen a long way since the glory days of Montana, Rice, Young, Watters, and Craig. Hell, they've fallen a long way since T.O. and Garcia. Something just seems like it's never going to work again there, which is a shame for one of the NFL's former shining lights. The QB situation is a mess, and there's a bunch of #2's stuffed in WR (which is at least better than Seattle's All-#3 team.) Frank Gore is a beast of a runner though, assuming he doesn't get hurt, which you can't assume. The defense will continue to crumble under heavy pressure. To sum up, the Niners are not going anywhere for the time being and should be crossing their fingers for one hell of a draft pick next year. 6-10 is a reasonable goal. 7-9 would be a miracle. 9-7 or better? Check for locusts and keep an eye on your firstborn children.
Fantasy Focus: RB Frank Gore and nothing more.

JAKE PLUMMER'S GREATEST MIRACLE
We can't let a mention of the Arizona Cardinals go by without reminding our readers that the one playoff win, the one bright moment in this teams' long and miserable last 20 years, came from the arm of Jake "The Snake" Plummer. So what about this year? Well, they finished 8-8 last year, which can be taken one of two ways: Either they played over their heads and toughed out an unlikely .500 season or their competition was so bad that anything worse than .500 would have been embarrassing. We'll go with the former (surprising, considering the franchise.) Arizona might just be on the way up although their defense is still a work-in-progress and they can't get enough of former All-Pro running backs that roll into town five years past their prime. There's also a question mark at quarterback, where the choices are astoundingly odd. Do you go with Kurt Warner, a proven vet with way too many miles on the meter whose reputation mostly rides on his old St. Louis powerhouse offense anyway? Or do you turn the keys over to Matt Leinart, who slowly but surely is looking less and less like a golden boy prospect and more and more like a guy who's overwhelmed despite being given receivers that Jay Cutler would eat a bowl of dry Kool-Aid powder to get on his team? Either way, they picked the right division in which to roll the dice. No 16-0 juggernauts here, thank you very much. Semi-Bold Prediction: Arizona's winning the division. And getting murdered in the playoffs. (One step at a time...)
Fantasy Focus: WR Larry Fitzgerald; WR Anquan Boldin

LPP's Predicted Standings:
ARIZONA CARDINALS: 9-7
ST. LOUIS RAMS: 7-9
SEATTLE SEAHAWKS: 7-9
SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS:5-11

Stay tuned...the AFC East and Central will be coming up soon.

Our NFL Predictions - Part 1

2008-08-11T15:15:00.000-07:00

Not this year. Well, maybe.

Hey kids! What time is it? It's time for...

LETPLUMMERPLAY'S NFL PREVIEW!!!

Sure, we love Jake Plummer and we love the Broncos, but other teams can and do exist outside of Denver! Who'da thunk it? without further ado, here's a heaping helping of our expert analysis for the upcoming NFL season! Remember, our predictions are for entertainment purposes only! If you listen to us and gamble on our picks...you're an idiot!

PART I - NFC EAST & NFC NORTH

NFC EAST:
THE NEW YORK GIANTS OF NEW JERSEY
Let's start with Da Champs. After a stunning--dare we say, awe-inspiring-- victory over the Cheatriots, the Giants come into the 2008-09 season not only with no respect in terms of a repeat, but with second-page status thanks to the Brett Favre deal. These guys are getting the short end of the stick, and it should inspire them. It probably won't. They'll probably get a Wild Card, but despite Eli Manning having what should be a fully matured season (maybe even coming within a sniff of Peyton's numbers) the Giants are still more of a single big-game team than a season-long juggernaut. Then again, the 2007 Giants remind us of the 2001 Patriots a little in terms of coaching, teamwork, and a general lack of egos (now that Strahan and Shockey are gone.) Will continue to improve into a powerhouse or will they pull a one-and-done? History seems to indicate the latter, but we'll see.
Fantasy Focus: QB Eli Manning; The Defense; RB...uh, pick one and cross your fingers.

YEE-HAW YIPPEE-KI-YAY
With Adam "Dig Dug" Jones on board (we aren't supposed to call him Pac-Man anymore) the Cowboys look...well they look about as good as they did last year, a team with double-digit wins and no brains. They were the most talented team in the NFC and possibly the second-most talented team in the league, yet they ran into the same problem as the Cheats...out-muscled and out-gutted by a focused unit. The core remains the same. Is Tony Romo a real championship franchise QB or is he just the next Jim Everett? Who knows? Who cares? All we know is that the Cowboys will definitely be the most entertaining franchise in the NFL again...well, off the field at least. If nothing else, T.O. will probably say something totally off the wall by week 8. Probably about Jessica Simpson.
Fantasy Focus: Pretty much the entire starting offense.

THE MOST RACIST TEAM NAME IN ALL OF SPORTS
Nothing excites us about them this year. Or any year. Seriously. If they didn't have Clinton Portis we would have no non-Fantasy knowledge of this team at all. F*** Washington, for as long as they have this nickname and five years afterwards. Chiefs? They suck, but the name's fine. Indians? Okay, pretty bad. Braves? Actually almost dignified. Redskins? No, sorry, that's f***ing stupid, Mr. Grand Wizard. This isn't about being a PC pussy, this is about a bad name. If American Indians made up 80% of NFL rosters or bought noticeable amounts of season tickets, or if the USA actually gave a s***, you bet your ass this would be a real issue, too. Hey, that new NBA team in Oklahoma City needs a name, and there's a lot of black guys on the team, should we call them the Blackskins? Yeah, f*** you, Washington. The last useful thing to come out of that franchise was Champ Bailey. Can we get an Amen?
Fantasy Focus: RB Clinton Portis (duh); K Shaun Suisham

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Every year sportswriters either underestimate the Eagles or grossly overestimate them. "Hey, they might win it all!" "The Eagles stink!" And however the majority opinion leans, the Eagles will go the opposite way and either pleasantly surprise or catastrophically disappoint. We're sick of it, and we're going the safe route: 8-8. That's right Eagles, let's see you turn that table. 8 Wins and 8 Losses? They'll find a way to make it 8 Losses and 8 Wins. We're on to you, Eagles. We like Donovan McNabb a bit. He's still an underrated quarterback, but then again, Donovan never gives anyone a real reason to think he's more than that, does he? Hey, Bernie Kosar was "underrated" too. You know why? He never won a Super Bowl either.
Fantasy Focus: K David Akers; RB Brian Westbrook (as usual.)

LPP's Predicted Standings:
DALLAS COWBOYS: 13-3
NEW YORK GIANTS: 11-5
PHILADELPHIA EAGLES: 8-8
WASHINGTON REDSKINS: 7-9

NFC NORTH:
JILTED EX-WIVES
The Packers aren't going to the NFC title game this year, but they aren't going to wither up into pushovers, either. Maybe Brett Favre was BRETT FAVRE, but as good as he could be he was also a wild-armed chucker at times, as the team discovered two weeks before the Giants showed up to the Super Bowl. Favre just happened to be good in (almost) all the right spots last year. Well, you don't get those kind of opportunities without your team hitting all the spots, do you? The Packers have as good a chance as anyone to make some noise, the problem is, they don't have the horses to do anything but surprise a few teams before January. Luckily, their division stinks worse than a moldy old Provolone loaf and they're in prime position to rack up double-digits in the W column. Will Aaron Rodgers be able to pick up where Favre left off? Hmm...probably not, but even if Aaron Rodgers is only half as good as Favre it makes him twice as good as Jon Kitna. Well, guess who's the next best QB in the NFC North? Exactly.
Fantasy Focus: QB Aaron Rodgers; WRs Donald Driver and Greg Jennings; RB Ryan Grant; K Mason Crosby

THE PURPLE APOSTLES
As one of our favorite websites has implied, Adrian "Purple Jesus" Peterson is the most dangerous man in the division, maybe all of football. The kid is capable of breaking all sorts of records. 2000+ yards? No sweat. 30 TDs? Why not? 3000 all-purpose yards? Just watch him. Unless he gets hurt...and he doesn't seem too durable. So let's not start praying at the altar just yet. Unfortunately, despite having Purple Jeebus and a tough defense, the Vikings are quarterbacked by one of those wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube men you see outside of tire shops and Fuddruckers and their receiving corps is less reliable than bootleg Chinese jet fighter parts. Maybe John David Booty will get some playing time, if for nothing else than getting some Booty out there on the field. This is a one-man show in the classic mold of the old Barry Sanders Lions or the Eric Dickerson Colts. Poor Adrian.
Fantasy Focus: The Defense; RB Adrian Peterson; RB Chester Taylor (late round, just to be safe)

POLISH SAUSAGE
Bears...Bulls...Ditka...Bears...oh, sorry, just dozing there. The Bears have turned a Super Bowl threat into "what the **** happened?" in the space of less than two years. That's Al Davis-level impressive. If it wasn't for the Soldier Field advantage and a weak schedule, they'd look even worse--but at least they'd have better draft picks. 7-9 doesn't really seem that bad if you're, say, a Falcons fan, but in Chicago with a division that weak...you may as well be dancing on George Halas's grave. Brian Urlacher commented during the Brett Favre saga that Chicago didn't need him at QB...which is a sure indication that Urlacher's taken more punishment to the brain than anyone realizes. Sexy Rexy Grossman and Cowboy Kyle Orton are the current options under center. Frankly, if we were Chicago fans we'd be wondering when the team will be going to the infamous A-11 setup so they can get two bad QBs on the field at the same time to possibly equal one mediocre QB. It's going to be a long season, but if injuries shake up Green Bay and Minnesota, Chicago could back into the playoffs if they can muster up even a 9-7 finish.
Fantasy Focus: The Defense, but don't expect what they did two years ago. Not much, unless you want a kicker, than K Robbie Gould is reasonable.

DELTA CITY
As much as we bag on Shanahan and Denver management, we do remember to thank the Football Jesus (the one who doesn't play in Minnesota) each and every seasonal Sunday for making sure Matt Millen isn't "running" the Broncos. The nicest thing we can say about Lions management is at least they haven't changed the uniforms. Their commitment to crapulence is stunningly consistent...by God they've been running the team this way since before Barry Sanders realized he was playing in a no-win situation and by God they'll run it that way until the city of Detroit unleashes RoboCop on them. Their defense can't stop the run and their offense more or less consists of "go long." Jon Kitna, as we stated, is the second-best QB in this division and that pretty much sums up how bad the Lions really have it. With this schedule and this weak sauce division, incredibly the Lions do have a chance to get that overdue 10-win season Kitna blabbed about before the team flushed itself last season. But they won't. The worst thing about all this is...they stomped Denver's guts out last season. Man, did that ever suck. But then, that's how far we'd fallen, so hey...
Fantasy Focus: Amazingly enough, The Defense, because they overplay receivers and get picks from bad QBs (in this division, that's at least 4 games); every starting WR; K Jason Hanson

LPP's Predicted Standings:
GREEN BAY PACKERS: 10-6
MINNESOTA VIKINGS: 9-7
DETROIT LIONS: 7-9
CHICAGO BEARS: 6-10

We'll be back with the rest of the NFC sooner or later, or maybe we'll do the AFC East and North next. Who knows? Depends on how our meds kick in. Until then, we wish we could predict that someone would...

LET PLUMMER PLAY!!!

Nothing Better To Do...

2008-08-06T16:50:00.000-07:00

Still in search of Jake, we found the above.

It's a slow day at work, slow enough for me to have been violated and offended by a Raider fan via AOL's Instant Messenger. I paste the message for your pleasure:

Mxxxxz, Hector says:
so i see that you guys will be 1 thug down for the monday night opener.....LOL

Of course Hector was referring to Brandon Marshall. It's frustrating. I was looking forward to that opening game on Monday night. I'm afraid for our Broncos, I'm afraid for Jay. Who will he throw the ball to? Maybe he ought to just run all game, see if he can break some kind of QB rushing record. Then I see Jay commenting on how much he loves Brandon and supports him.

To quote, Jay says: "Brandon is not a bad guy, at all, he's a good guy."

When of course at the beginning of the summer Jay said "Yeah, he's not my favorite person right now. I mean, I support him, but it's always something with him right now."

Sounds a bit WISHY WASHY Jay. Do you support him? Is he not your favorite person? Hope your not so indecisive Monday September 8th.

One More Bronco In The Hall Of Fame Makes, Uh...Two

2008-07-30T07:47:00.000-07:00

Gary Zimmerman aka the "Technician," who was on the NFL's All-Decade team for two different decades, is now the second player who associates himself mostly with the Denver Broncos to make it into the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Gary was part of the Broncos' stacked offensive line right up to the first championship in 1997. Although Zimmerman spent the bulk of his career with the Vikings, the Vikings had inept ownership and basically sucked while he was there and the Broncos had John Elway and won a Super Bowl. Who would you rather represent? Exactly. Congratulations to one of the best offensive linemen ever.

As the linked article states, there are other guys in the Hall of Fame who played for Denver, but they mostly made their marks elsewhere. That may change if Rod Smith gets in (Art Monk just got in with similar numbers--over more years--and one fewer Super Bowl ring, so there's hope right there) and Shannon Sharpe will be up soon. Champ Bailey and Tom Nalen are possibilities too. And then there's Terrell.

Terrell Davis is a longshot even though he crushes the numbers of Gale Sayers, who played roughly the same length of time and never won a title. Yet Sayers is given legend status, the Sandy Koufax of the NFL (although Koufax was more dominant in his sport) and even made the All-Century team. Not to put down Sayers, he's a college legend and was one of the best RB's of his era. But the Sporting News ranked him #21 all time in the NFL...among all players, not just RBs. That's just ludicrous; even Gale Sayers wouldn't rank himself that high. Not above players like Earl Campbell, Ronnie Lott, Dan Marino, and O.J. Simpson. The real reason for this, of course, is sentmentality. Besides the whole "Brian's Song" thing, the Bears of the George Halas era are put on that pedestal next to the Vince Lombardi Packers, the Chuck Noll Steelers, the Bill Walsh 49er's, and the Tom Landry Cowboys as one of "Those Teams." The fact that Gale Sayers came and went within only a handful of years added to the legend at a time when the NFL did not yet dominate the sports world, when TV wasn't the primary source of news and full of microscoped highlights, and when sportswriters for powerful newspapers in New York, Boston--and oh yeah, Chicago--were the ones fashioning sports legends in the minds of America. Terrell could never be canonized like that. Since the ESPN era began, few people could--maybe only Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods became larger than life and more than human. If Terrell had played for, say the New York Giants of the 1950's, he might have been bigger than Jim Brown. But he played for Denver, a city which even after 6 Super Bowl appearances, 2 NFL titles, the 2007 National League Champions, and a Stanley Cup, still finds itself regarded as a second- or even third-tier sports town in terms of national recognition and importance.

But this is about Terrell. Since we wouldn't take Sayers out of the Hall, where does that leave TD? Terrell, with 65 overall TDs, 7607 rushing yards, and two championships in essentially five full seasons (78 total games) is apparently going to be "one of those guys" who is left out in the cold until the voters wise up. This is not to take away from Gale Sayers. He was a great player and by all accounts, a really good guy. But where's the love for Terrell, who was just as great if not far better?

Anyway, that's where we stand on the Hall of Fame thing. LPP himself was going to write up a glowing love letter to Ed McCaffrey, but he's lazy and seriously, it kind of strikes the rest of us as, well...let's just say it's in the realm of Patriots fans who think Wes Welker is just fackin' dynamite but Randy Moss couldn't have done what he did last year without Brady feeding him perfect passes. Personally, I like McCaffrey too but calm down, bro. "I love you Eddie Mac"? Geez.

Can B-Marsh Tie His Own Shoes Without Incident?

2008-07-24T12:50:00.000-07:00

"Aw, double hamburgers."

*****************************************

According to various news sources, Brandon Marshall went to New York to discuss his conduct with Commissioner Goodell last week. No word on whether or not the two men took turns setting up the couch cushions in front of the TV to construct a makeshift wrestling ring but interestingly enough, besides Marshall's lawyer it sounds like Rod Smith went along to plead against a suspension. Either that or Rod was just there to keep B-Marsh from downing a fifth of Cuervo in the car and breaking his ankle on a Snickers wrapper while crossing the street.

Look, I want the Broncos to win too, but three arrests including a DUI? Send the asshole a message before B-Marsh thinks he can get away with anything and pulls a Leonard Little.

Rod also announced his retirement today, which we already thought he'd done, but much respect for Rod anyway. He should be in the Hall of Fame, but the voters are a little stupid sometimes. We'll see. Hopefully the Broncos give Rod something more important to do than babysit their dumbest player.

Something We Didn't Write

2008-07-22T07:44:00.000-07:00

The Mile High Report has just posted up the latest in its series of Broncos season previews. The newest one's about Pumpkin Pie. It's really long, which is funny for something we didn't write ourselves. But here's a few excerpts with our comments added:

"In Cutler We Trust, and we should. While Cutler didn't have to take over the Broncos immediately after John Elway, he did take over as the starting quarterback under controversial circumstances, circumstances that divided the fanbase and still has some fans thinking it was the reason the team didn't make the playoffs in 2006." Thinking? Um...it was the actual reason.

"The Broncos, or any intelligent team for that matter, would never say rebuilding. Draft a young QB, however, and there are going to be growing pains. It has been no different for the Broncos, who enter 2008 with a losing record in games started by Cutler(9-12)." Maybe Shanahan and Bowlen should have said 'rebuilding' instead of posturing and trying to pretend to season ticket holders that they had a contender on their hands.

"That is a testament to the rest of the roster, more than of Cutler, and while he has made the mistakes young players make I think we have seen enough flashes of brilliance to know that if the Shadow of #7 was ever going to shorten a bit, #6 is the man to do it. Diabetes be damned." We agree, but can we make sure Shanahan's actually improved the rest of that game plan first? Their best receiver has a Bengal-esque police blotter and a ten-cent head. Their most experienced running back was cut because he's brainless. The offensive line has been first slowly, then (mid-2006) rapidly declining since 2005. Three years, three defensive coordinators. What we're saying is, please, Broncos...don't let poor Pumpkin Pie get smushed back there.

"Now we start taking steps forward. Heading into year 3, his second as the full-time starter, Jay Cutler is primed for big things. With his health under control, as well as much of the offense around him, Cutler is ready to take that next step towards the upper echelon of quarterbacks in the NFL. " Again, how under control is that offense? We'll believe it when we believe it.

Either way, Go Broncos. We'd like to be optimistic but it's just not our nature. Except regarding THE DARK KNIGHT, which we knew would be awesome and of course we were proven correct. Go ahead and hop on over to the Mile High Report and check out the rest of their sunny-side-up Season Preview. (We prefer MHR to the "official" Broncos site because Mile High Report never fired Andrew Mason.) We'll cross our fingers and maybe even get into a game at Mile High this year. Tickets are an expensive and difficult bitch to obtain when you're broke and supporting a massive cocaine and gummi bears (it's called freebearsing) habit, but we do what we can here at...

LET PLUMMER PLAY!

Pumpkin Pie Is Psyched For The Dark Knight

2008-07-17T08:35:00.000-07:00

Mike Shanahan was pretty excited too, at least until his family told him that the character of Two-Face was not, in fact, based on Shanahan himself. After the coach finished sulking, he went to Fandango and switched his advance tickets to a midnight showing of "Mamma Mia."

Where have we seen this before?

2008-07-12T07:47:00.000-07:00

"Oh dear, how can Brett Favre possibly wear another team's uniform?" WHAT-EVAH.

**********

News around the campfire has come through that Brett Favre has decided he isn't quite done yet. He's asked the Green Bay Packers--who after three or four false alarms officially tabbed Aaron Rodgers their new starting quarterback the minute Favre retired--to release him from his contract so he can find a new team to play for this season.

Sound familiar?

Favre wants to be released rather than traded so that he could have more say in his choice of teams. Green Bay is hesitant to give him what he wants because he might end up in Minnesota or Chicago--teams that would make this incident twice as embarrassing should Favre succeed.

Sound familiar now?

We're going to carefully watch how this plays out. Sure, Jake Plummer's numbers aren't up there with Favre's, but the situation is very, very similar. Team moves on to young QB, veteran requests release so HE can move on, team decides to hold his contract hostage due to egos and greed.

Brett Favre does not have a trade clause, by the by. Technically the Pack can trade him to New England in exchange for a never-worn "19-0" World Championship T-Shirt and some slightly used video tapes and Favre would either be forced to report or retire for real...just like Jake. Now, the media has a big boner for Favre because he's been the NFL's Golden Boy QB since the day he took the NFL's favorite team back to the NFC title game in 1995. He's going to get weekly articles written about his situation; some sympathetic, some critical. Jake Plummer didn't get as much attention when he opted out, and I think we all know why...

Because Brett Favre is white, and Jake Plummer just happens to be...um, wait. Never mind.

Either way, the Packers are in a lose-lose situation. If the organization is truly the class act it purports to be, it will wash its hands of Favre, wish him well, make no attempts to keep him off the Bears, or Vikings, or Lions, and resolve to pound the crap out of him after the standing ovation dies down the first time he walks back into Lambeau. If the organization is a bunch of punks revolving around the decisions of a has-been with a Napoleon complex, Brett might find himself getting shipped off to another city or forced to do something drastic like show up to training camp and play well enough so that the Packers have to either alienate their supposed future QB for life or look like complete tools by letting Favre ride the pine when he's still considered a top ten player at his position.

Now, because you might be calling us complete idiots right now, here's where the story differs between Favre and Plummer besides the fact that, yes, Favre is a future Hall of Famer and Jake is not (but we still like Jake better so f*** you.) Jake never asked to be pulled from the starting lineup. The Broncos still had a playoff spot when Shanahan decided that the Broncos were no longer playing for the Super Bowl that year (and what does every team state that they're playing for when the season begins, from Detroit to Miami to Oakland to Houston? THE SUPER BOWL.) When the next season started, Jake saw no logic in backing up Cutler for a team that had plainly stated "WE DON'T WANT YOU IN THERE EVEN IF IT COSTS US THE SEASON," and asked for a release. Shanahan and the Broncos, fearful that Jake might go to Houston or Oakland and potentially make them look foolish, said, "NO," and traded him out of the conference despite Jake's promise that he would never put on a helmet for the Tampa Bay Fake Raiders (oh, we aren't letting that one go.)

Favre, meanwhile, is simply a man going back on his word, albeit a word pressured upon him by Green Bay, who needed to know well in advance if they needed to tweak their NFC runner-up team around Brett Favre or retool the offense for Aaron Rodgers. Favre, tired from a long season, disappointed by a conference-losing interception, and comforted that he'd had a hell of a season for his age, made the snap decision that okay, enough was enough I guess. The Packers exhaled and tried to move on. Then six months later Brett decides okay, well I guess enough is NOT enough. Favre gets blame here as well simply for not thinking things through. It's the same kind of thinking that took Roger Clemens from respected Legend-with-a-capital-L of baseball to a recurring will-he-or-won't-he-come-back annoyance. And this was BEFORE the steroid allegations blew up.

We here are going to side with Favre simply because we couldn't give a crap about the NFC and we'll always take the proletariat over the bourgoisie. The thought of seeing Favre with an NFC Central rival chopping up the Packers secondary gives us a perverse little chill. Will Brett get his wish and get released? You know what? We believe he will if only because the Football Gods obviously hate us and will want us to get pissed off about seeing Brett Favre doing what Jake Plummer could not do--come out ahead of The Man. Maybe he finds his way into an approved trade that works out for everyone, but the only way the Packers trade him within the NFC is if they send him to a creampuff team that's no threat to Green Bay, like Atlanta or St. Louis. And even then, there's the danger that Favre sparks an unexpected playoff run and the Packers end up looking stupid. They'll talk to a few AFC teams, they'll try to con Favre into retiring, but in the end, Brett Favre will probably get his way because he's Brett Favre and that's just what happens to the Brett Favres of the world.

However, it won't end up exactly how he pictured it. That much we can guarantee. The NFL is a funny place and the owners do not want to set precedent by letting a guy get his way over the outline of a contract even if the owners can terminate most contracts with a word. Why else do you think Tampa Bay and Denver came down on Jake so hard instead of just letting him go? The NFL bigwigs don't want to set precedent for players gaining an advantage; they want to make examples of players and remind them for whom this league exists to be exploited.

Our final thoughts are directed towards Jake Plummer. One wonders what he thinks of the situation. We imagine after he finished rolling his eyes at the coincidence and irony of Favre's situation, Jake sat back, had a few words about it with his wife, family, or friends, and said "You know what? I hope Brett comes out on top in this one and sticks it right up Green Bay's cheese." (purely hypothetical)

Not just because old QB's stick together. Not just because one naturally tends to favor the individual over the corporation. Not just because Jake was once in a similar situation and would like to see someone stick it to The Man the way The Man stuck it to Jake. No, Jake would favor Brett in the end because when it's all said and done, right or wrong, Brett Favre embarrassing Green Bay would be Schadenfreude of the highest order and would simply be damn fun to watch.

Brett Favre and Green Bay owe each other nothing now. It's time to wipe the board clean and walk away, without a bitch move like, oh, Green Bay trading Favre someplace he plainly doesn't want to be and costing him millions because the other team got dazzled and didn't pay attention to the traded player himself. After all, if Denver and Shanahan had just sucked up their pride and did Jake a favor for replacing and embarrassing him by saying "next year" was more important than "this year" while "this year" was still an outside possibility, we might have seen a 2007 NFL team that:

...

LET PLUMMER PLAY!!!

(Note: Please forgive us for the ' stuff betweeen paragraphs. the blogger.com formatting is screwy on this particular computer.)

Things We Already Know About Jake But Don't Mind Hearing Again

2008-07-07T08:35:00.001-07:00

“Just call the plays. I’m going out there and playing f***ing football.”

-Jake Plummer to Mike Shanahan, during a game. No, really. He said it.

One of our favorite foosball sites, Kissing Suzy Kolber, has just received a copy of a new book, on shelves now. It's by Stefan Fatsis, entitled A Few Seconds of Panic. The book details the writer's short but eventful publicity stunt stint as training camp place kicker for the Denver Broncos and his subsequent coverage of the team for the 2006-07 season. This, of course was the season in which rookie Jay Cutler succeeded the mighty Jake Plummer at quarterback, among other things. Subjects covered include the Darrent Williams tragedy, the writer shanking all sorts of practice kicks and the not-so-surprising revelation that (and we directly quote the KSK reviewer) "Jake Plummer's a badass."

Well, duh.

We'll definitely be picking up a copy of this as soon as possible and maybe even post a short synopsis/review of the parts pertaining to the Snake. Before we call it a day, we hope you all enjoyed a happy Independence Day (the holiday, not the movie) and we'd like to leave you with a Jake quote from Mr. Fatsis's book, regarding offseason workouts:

Jake: “Yeah, I missed some workouts. And you know what? Mike Shanahan, you can kiss my f***ing ass for being pissed at that… I don’t want to be here every f***ing day in the offseason.”

...

Come back, dammit.

Another Reason Why Kansas City Will Never Win A Super Bowl In This Century

2008-07-02T08:17:00.000-07:00

In KC, snitchin' is bitchin'.

Slim Pickens was right. The Kansas City Chiefs have released their 2008-09 "Fan Code of Conduct" aka the "Fun Police Handbook." Thanks to Yahoo! and Pro Football Talk, the world has been informed that the Chiefs not only wish to discourage their fans from standing up during games, but that they're implementing a text-message snitch system. Yes, now Arrowhead Stadium patrons can anonymously rat out fans in their section who are offending them without actually having to stand up in front of their kids and show them that the old man don't take no shit from fat drunk with a giant red "K" painted on his bulbous gut. We aren't in love with obnoxious slobs who think they're part of the entertainment either, but if you want to watch games in a quiet, inoffensive, controlled environment then stay home and sit down, Waldo. Real fans go to games to scream and stomp and jump and shout about their favorite team (alcohol optional but recommended.) If you want to improve the fan experience, Kansas City, why not prohibit children under age 2 from the stadium and hire more damn security?

Seriously, this text-message snitch dealie is the biggest whiny-baby-pussy thing in sports since the No Fun League clamped down on touchdown and sack dances. Look, if Champ Bailey knocks the wind out of Randy Moss, and Boss Bailey scoops up the loose ball and gets a TD out of it, don't you want to see them do the Kid N' Play "House Party" dance all the way down the sideline? We do.

Of course, it's entirely possible that this rule appears in the Broncos' policies too. But until a similar Denver policy is confirmed, we don't care. And even if it is, this is Kansas City we're talking about.

Screw Kansas City!

And speaking of Vegas...

2008-06-30T13:18:00.000-07:00

"Yeah, ol' Charlie Hustle bet on baseball, son. And I bet yer mom's a C-cup."

If he were a bettin' man, Pete would like these odds. According to current Vegas lines, the Denver Broncos look to be a lucrative bet should you have the faith. We here at LPP do not necessarily endorse gambling, but we do like throwing our paychecks away in exchange for $20 worth of watery cocktails and dirty hands. Is that so wrong? So here be the Broncos' chances according to the Mafia...er, the legitimate sports bettors of America:

Winning the AFC West: +450 (9-2)
Winning the AFC: + 2200 (22-1)
Winning the Super Bowl: +4000 (40-1)

All right, so let's face it. These odds are about right. But did America give up when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? No! So place your bets if you're in a position to do so. We suggest (for entertainment purposes only, as our attorneys advise) that you place the big money on the AFC West win. The Chiefs are sorry, the Raiders are a mess, and the Chargers are talented but...they just seem like a "but." 10-6 could possibly do it. Winning the AFC is probably a stretch and the Super Bowl even more so, but if you happen to be around a sports book, why not throw down five or ten bucks just as a goof? If you're in a casino, you're probably going to spend the money anyway and technically it'll be on a wager that entertains you for several months! That's better than spending 45 seconds getting slaughtered at the "Wheel of Fortune" slot machine, especially when you're sitting next to that old lady with maybe five months to live who hits the progressive million dollar jackpot after you've just hit your ATM limit for the night.

We also found some interesting side bets available...
Odds of:
Jay Cutler throwing 40 TDs: +1000 (10-1)
Jay Cutler throwing Brandon Marshall into a locker room TV: +700 (7-1)
Brandon Marshall getting 10 TD receptions: +1200 (12-1)
Brandon Marshall getting 10-15 months in County: +800 (8-1)
Shanahan winning Coach of the Year: +1100 (11-1)
Shanahan deserving Coach of the Year: +100000 (1000-1)
Shanahan deserving to lose his job and keeping it: EVEN
Denver RB reaching 1,000 rushing yards: +200 (2-1)
Denver RB reaching 1,000 rushing yards and returning for 2009: +300 (3-1)
Champ Bailey getting 10 INTs: +350 (7-2)
Boss Bailey getting 10 sacks: +2000 (20-1)
Bill Bailey coming home: +300 (3-1)
Denver sweeping the Raiders: +600 (6-1)
Denver sweeping the Chiefs: +400 (4-1)
Denver sweeping the Chargers: +1400 (14-1)
Todd Sauerbrun sweeping the bleachers at Invesco: +150 (3-2)
Travis Henry missing child support payments: +200 (2-1)
Rod Smith comeback: +5000 (50-1)
Soulja Boy comeback: +100000 (1000-1)
Macarena comeback: +500000 (5000-1)
Baby comeback: You can blame it all on me. (I was wrong, and I just can't live without you.)
Jake Plummer comeback: Ummmmmm...please?

All right, enough jokes. Gentlemen, place your bets!

What Happens In Vegas Stays In Vegas Unless You're Javon Walker

2008-06-17T05:00:00.000-07:00

CSI Las Vegas says the crime scene probably looked a lot like this.

Former Broncos and current Raiders (if he ever suits up) WR Javon Walker was found unconscious on a side street off the Las Vegas Strip early Monday morning. Apparently he's got a broken eye socket. Police are assuming it was a robbery. There's a slight 100% chance that alcohol was involved.

All joking aside, did Javon learn nothing from being about 36 inches away from Darrent Williams on New Years' Eve when Darrent was shot and killed? Shouldn't that have been the lesson learned right there? Rumor has it that Javon had gotten into a $15,000 "champagne war" with boxer Floyd Mayweather Jr. the night before at the Hard Rock Casino club, spraying patrons with Dom Perignon, making it rain--you know, real responsible Pacman Jones type stuff. Then apparently he got hammered and stayed out until 6:30 a.m., becoming an easy target for whomever jacked him. That's outlandish behavior even for a Raider. Heck, that might even be considered bad for a Bengal!

We wish Javon a speedy recovery, although we couldn't care less if it affects his NFL career. We aren't the most religious blog out there, but for once we're going to go against our normal "butt out" policies and loudly suggest that what Javon needs is Jesus. Or Jehovah. Or Allah. Or Buddha. Or Joe Smith. Anything that keeps his dumb ass out of the clubs.

Plummer Plundered

2008-06-12T11:39:00.000-07:00

Was "Tampa Bay Fops" already taken?

Well, the underdog gets stomped again. It looks like the Tampa Bay Fake Raiders are going to get a lot of Jake "The Snake" Plummer's signing bonus after all. (Thanks to "grizzly" for the heads-up)

With the matter ready to go to arbitration, it seems apparent that the multi-gazillionaire Glazer crew had our favorite retiree over the barrel, as it were. Jake will be paying the Fake Raiders a pretty huge chunk (roughly half) of the money that Denver included in his contract as a pro-rated bonus. It's nice to know for future reference (any NFL players, pay attention) that apparently a "bonus" is only a bonus when it's in your hand as an extra incentive in the present, not a percentage tied to your actual paycheck that can be taken away in the future. If that's the case, it's not a bonus, it's a salary. And--may we add--it's bogus.

There is a stipulation about Jake still being chained to the Fake Raiders' mast in case he decides to return. Wow, that's great. The Fake Raiders treat guys who want to play for them like crap as it is. I bet Jake would just love to board that rapidly-sinking ship. The Dread Pirate Gruden is probably updating his resume in preparation to scurry out of there with the rats ASAP--leaving the twenty-seven quarterbacks on their roster fighting for the starting job to drown in the mediocrity of the Fake Raiders' forseeable future.

Well, we hope Jake still has enough cash flow to get by, especially since coming back is now even more complicated than before. If not, there's still time to run for office! We'd like to extend our middle fingers to the Tampa Bay Fake Raiders organization for punishing Jake as a result of their own completely idiotic trade for a guy who had already said he didn't want to play for them. So here's to you...

F*** YOU, TAMPA BAY FAKE RAIDERS!!!

Put The Man On A Damn Ticket Already

2008-06-04T18:33:00.001-07:00

All right, we seem a little biased. Well screw it, if McCain was really that good he would have beat out Bush for his own party's nomination eight years ago and anyway, the Democrats deserve their chance to screw up America for four to eight years, right? Either way, it's high time somebody...

LET PLUMMER RUN!!!

Bye Bye Big Baby Daddy

2008-06-02T11:25:00.001-07:00

"Wait...YOU'RE my brother too?"

In a move that will certainly affect the lives of children around the world, Travis "Big Baby Daddy" Henry was released by the Broncos today. Mike Shanahan's quote regarding BBD:

"Although Travis has the ability to be one of the top running backs in the NFL, we have to make decisions that are in the best interests of our organization and its goal of winning a Super Bowl, we did not feel his commitment to the Broncos was enough to warrant a spot on this football team."

These words coming from Shanahan mean a lot to us. After all, this is a guy who's on his third D coordinator in three years, who switched from a veteran QB with a winning record to an untested rookie during a crucial playoff stretch, and who approved Henry in the first place despite massive red flags against his character--even though Shanahan supposedly has a system that can work for almost any back. Why sign a highly potential problem child to the one position you've been able to stick pretty much anyone into for ten years running with good-to-great results?

While we don't excuse BBD for his flake-out, we don't necessarily blame him in the big picture. After the Brian Griese era fizzled out, the Broncos went from an organization that prides itself on a roster full of character to employing a roster full of characters. With the exodus of Todd Sauerbraun, Javon Walker, and now BBD, perhaps they are making a long-awaited step back into the right direction--but Brandon Marshall had better shape up quick.

Farewell, BBD...we're sure you'll end up on some NFL roster. Too bad the Raiders are now stacked at RB; you'd have fit in perfectly. Find a job quick, though--you got some mouths to feed and no man except Karl Malone can ignore that responsibility and get away with it. Good luck, Travis.

(Speaking of basketball--Lakers vs. Celtics? Holy crap, we're ten years old again. Time to grab some Fun Dip and Green Slime Hi-C and settle in!)

Attention Presidential Hopefuls!

2008-05-22T07:32:00.001-07:00

While LetPlummerPlay.com has yet to endorse a candidate from the Republocrat or Demican parties, we would still like to contribute to the process. As we all know, America's not in the best shape it's ever been.

Oh sure, it's still a great place to live. Where else can you get chili fries, porn, prescription drugs, and a mango Slurpee at 2:30 am on a Tuesday--all within a two-mile radius if not all at the same store? Where, we ask? But the economy's taken a dive what with interest rates tanking, home after home being foreclosed upon, and tax breaks favoring the very corporations who move their profits overseas to outsourced labor. Speaking of interest rates, the 30-year mortgage we've taken out on Iraq has turned into an expensive blood-soaked black eye on our track record. We've barely touched Ground Zero. We never caught Bin Laden. The Euro, Yen, and whatever the Chinese use for money is stomping the dollar the way Elway used to stomp Cleveland. America needs a change.

Now, it's looking like the presidential race is shaping up to be Obama vs. McCain, and neither man has picked a running mate. Well, we here at LPP have got the perfect man for the job, and you all know who we mean.

Mr. Obama, Mr. McCain...one of you needs Jake Plummer as a Vice President. Think of it: McCain/Plummer. Obama/Plummer. Sound pretty nice, eh? Jake brings all sorts of positives to the table...he's married, he's a former athlete, and he's college-educated. He's used to leading teams and snatching victory from the jaws of defeat. He's honest but elusive. He's handsome but dignified. He can throw a football sixty-five yards.

Are the religious nutjobs giving you grief? He'll grow a beard in October, and by November, which candidate will look like Jesus is standing right beside him and smiling? The candidate with the smarts to pick Jake Plummer, that's who! Are you looking to please the bleeding heart liberals? Let him pull up in a 4-year-old Honda Element to prove he's not wasteful or flashy.

Jake won't end up in a scandal. He won't be taking bribes from corporate cronies, or appointing Jason Elam to Secretary of State, or tapping a code with his foot in a men's restroom. He's happily married to a very camera-friendly blonde former cheerleader (isn't that the American Dream, dammit?) And above all else, who wouldn't want to see a politician called "Snake" as a compliment for once?

A side note to Hilary Clinton: You messed up, lady. If you'd promised America four years of Clinton/Plummer from the get-go, Obama wouldn't have laid the smack down. You'd be sitting pretty with a 49-state advantage (you wouldn't have won Massachussetts. They hate Jake for that perfect record against Tom Brady.) Better luck next time.

So Jake, start making phone calls! Throw your hat in the ring! And start prepping for the top spot in 2012! (Jake for President? Dare we dream?) Let's get the Snake on a ticket--any ticket! America, we're asking you to rock the vote and...

LET PLUMMER RUN!!!

If Jake Won't Come Back....

2008-05-14T10:04:00.000-07:00

Jack...will you please skip the whole college thing and start for the Broncos this year? Please, pretty please with a Jake Plummer Mcfarlane action figure on top?

A dream date with Pumpkin Pie

2008-05-07T07:38:00.000-07:00

"Please ref, blow a whistle! BLOW THE DAMN WHISTLE! HELP!"

Apparently someone over at Fox Sports thinks Jay Cutler needs a woman. At the bottom of his recent column, John Czarnecki writes:

"I am hoping that Broncos quarterback Jay Cutler has a significant other. Now, that he has been diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes he needs someone looking after him.

My wife has had diabetes for the past 25 years and it is a strange disease in that low blood sugar can cause a diabetic to act erratically. There is nothing scarier than watching a diabetic go into insulin shock, putting the patient one step closer to a coma."

Geez, way to make Cutler feel better about this, John. I'm sure it's a genuine sentiment, but Jay's likely thought long and hard about things like insulin shock and (as the writer later mentions) limb amputation. Maybe he doesn't have a girlfriend (or does he?) but he does have a family, friends, and an entire football franchise to make sure he doesn't suddenly decide to throw out his insulin and hit Krispy Kreme with a flask of Jim Beam.

With that in mind, we wonder if Jay's found that special woman yet. Are you that special woman? Are you that sexy turkey dinner that won't be complete without a big ol' slice of Pumpkin Pie? Send us an email or drop a comment and tell us why you would be the perfect girl for Jay. Don't worry, we'll accept comments from gay men (or straight men who are just a teeny bit gay for Jay) as well. We're a very progressive blog here.

We can't guarantee you a date with Jay, but we can at least guarantee to spread your words of love all over this web page.

Oh, and if you love Jake Plummer even better! Wait, what a silly thing to say..."if you love Jake"...what were we thinking? Everyone should love Jake Plummer. Only fools do not!

Sugar-Free Pumpkin Pie

2008-05-02T06:47:00.001-07:00

Well, here's some news we can't really make fun of--Jay Cutler has apparently been diagnosed with Type-1 Diabetes. If you're too lazy to click the Wikipedia link, Type 1 is generally pretty dangerous and can cause a boatload of health problems if untreated. Luckily, it looks like doctors caught it before anything bad happened and Jay apparently just needs regular insulin shots and a healthy diet. As a millionaire professional athlete with access to the best doctors, trainers, and dieticians in North America, Jay should be A-OK as long as he sticks to his regimen. No more getting hammered though, guy. Diabetics can really mess themselves up on the sauce.

Anyway good luck Jay. You've joined a large and fruitful group of diabetic celebrities like Halle Berry, Ty Cobb, Ernest Hemingway, Mikhael Gorbachev, George Lucas, Sugar Ray Robinson (boy, that one's ironic,) Anwar Sadat, Elvis Presley, James Brown, Rick James, and yes, Jerry Mathers as the Beaver. We're sure you'll stick to your treatments and live a very long time.

Just don't use the blood tester on your throwing hand.

Copy Cat Crime!

2008-04-30T12:28:00.000-07:00

"Anyone seen Travis? He said he'd be back in 15 minutes. Yesterday."

Since we have received a couple of comments in addition to several emails regarding a Jay Cutler tribute video on YouTube, we felt it only right to respond...officially. We have absolutely nothing to do with the video labeling Jay as fat on YouTube, to date we have never even made a Jay Cutler video and after watching the video, felt obliged to show what a nice guy Jay really is.

Therefore we have posted the above picture of Jay holding baby Jude as proof. We don't hate you Jay and we curse whoever made that video because, well, it just wasn't any good.

LetPlummerPlay.com's 2008 Celebrity NFL Draft Hot Tub Party

2008-04-27T16:50:00.000-07:00

Maybe this won't happen as much this year.

The Broncos actually played it safe in this years NFL Draft, taking OL Ryan Clady from Boise State with their first round pick. Clady is supposed to be pretty good and best of all for him, he won't have to memorize a new mascot. Maybe Shanny still has a few brain cells left, as we'll actually defend any decision that looks to improve the paper-thin lines on both sides of the ball. Of course the Denver Post criticized the decision, saying that the Broncos might have been better off taking Jonathan Stewart, a bruising RB from Oregon. We think they're better off with taking a shot at improving the line, but honestly, what do we know?

We here at LPP only care about NCAA football for what it is: the NFL's overrated minor league that gets hyped for three reasons: 1: Gambling 2: The NFL Draft 3: Gambling. We don't remember any college player's name except when ESPN gushes all over them...not to put down anyone who made a college team, but we feel the same way about NCAA basketball: it exists to make money for the school, stimulate gambling, and produce pros. On a national scale, that's all. Yes. That's ALL.

On a smaller and personal scale sure, school pride is nice and all but the games? They're just ticketed, televised sporting events from which rich old white guys get richer...kind of like the pros, yes, but at least in the pros the players are fairly compensated for their services. Also, for the most part rosters consist of the best of the best (Even the 2007 Miami Dolphins would destroy 2007 LSU. Sad but true.)

College (non-athlete version) is for getting a piece of paper that improves your resume, making connections which make said paper irrelevant, and learning how to handle your booze. College does not exist for hating a different college in the same region just because they wear blue and you wear green, and they're a "U" and you're a "State." NCAA games are fun, but it's no different than watching NCAA baseball or hockey...except that those two sports are ten times more difficult to successfully wager upon than football and basketball, therefore fewer people care. (Our humble opinion...well, that and no one watches hockey anymore and most baseball players don't get really good until they're at least 23-24, and many of the best hockey players come in as teenagers, and college baseball uses metal bats, and...let's face it, you REALLY have to like those sports to get into anything but the pro versions.)

So there you have LPP's 2008 NFL Draft report. Now go wait for Grand Theft Auto 4 to come out. That violence should tide you over until the preseason starts.

I'm Growing Out My Hair!

2008-04-26T11:14:00.000-07:00

Hey, it's not like the Nuggets are providing any entertainment.

2008-04-14T20:21:00.001-07:00

Because why the hell not?

Pumpkin Pie does it for the childrens

2008-04-03T13:12:00.000-07:00

"You're THAT Bubblegum Tate?"

Despite the name of the site and our allegiance to Jake the Snake, let's be honest here. Jay Cutler is our favorite NFL pastry. Pumpkin Pie continues to enhance his image in our book. Firstly, he's teamed up with the World Famous Harlem Globetrotters (as seen above) to entertain 100 needy childrens from the Pumpkin Pie Foun--uh, we mean Jay Cutler Foundation.

Also as seen above he has not yet cut his hair but we're still crossing our fingers.

He's also helping another child, a famous one--Broncos teammate Brandon Marshall, whose talent and recent off-field exploits are bringing to mind a young Dennis Rodman. After the DUI, the Darrent Williams incident, and now shredding his arm on a broken television (and you have to have some serious momentum to break a TV screen...we tried shattering a monitor with a hammer back when we were stupid kids and it took more effort than you'd assume) Pumpkin Pie essentially said on the record that Brandon needed to stop acting like a dumbshit 15-year-old and start acting like a full-grown professional (not the Pacman Jones kind, either.) He then went on to display some interesting Q-Buds (the precursor to true Q-Balls) by stopping just short of calling out his front office and owner for their recent human resources shenanigans.

"This year, the third year, it's definitely time," Cutler said. "As the quarterback of this team and the leader of the offense I think I should go ahead and take that next step." -- "It's been three years. Obviously my coach isn't going to lead anything but a conga line at this point in his career."

Cutler even felt emboldened enough to make light of Broncos owner Pat Bowlen's recent cry of poverty, NFL style, joking that he had to go out and purchase his own helmet a couple of days ago. -- "It's really too bad the NFL isn't making BILLIONS and BILLIONS of dollars. I wouldn't want Pat to have to sell one of his private jets or boats."

Although the team hasn't been a big player in the free-agent market this offseason, Cutler said he had faith the Broncos would be competitive. "I think we still need some weapons, but that's not my job. I'm the quarterback and I get the ball and try and get us some touchdowns," Cutler said. -- "Hint, hint coach...give me something better to work with--or better yet just give me SOMETHING to work with."

The quarterback wasn't happy that the Broncos failed to re-sign veteran kicker Jason Elam. "I am a little worried about that," he said. "He's one of the best clutch kickers in the game. Having been here for that long, I was surprised to see them let him go." -- "Great, so apparently the guy responsible for half of my scoring drives and half our wins was expendable? Wonderful. I didn't realize I was still at Vanderbilt."

Thank God Pumpkin Pie got a real education from a real university. Some football-factory quarterback from Texas, USC, or Michigan might not have been properly prepared to face the intellectual chaos we've got here in Denver. Jay has apparently rationalized that his coach and owner are officially tuned out and the only way anything positive is going to happen on the field at Mile High is if the team's best players man-up and act like leaders. Unfortunately, since the other two best players on the offense are B-Marsh and Travis Henry, it's going to have to be a one-Pie show for the time being.

Maybe Jay is up to the task, maybe he's not. But it's a damn positive sign that he's publicly speaking his mind and taking charge. It may not be enough to get the Broncos back in the playoffs this year, but at least they won't be mailing in games like the Dolphins or Rams. That alone might be worth an extra win or two.

An extra win or two could make the difference in a playoff push, by gum. A sneak into the playoffs would almost make up for the severe lack of Jake Plummer in the NFL. But we still hold out hope that the Snake will strap on the pads one last time and someone will...

LET PLUMMER PLAY!!!

(Well, okay. We really don't think that's going to happen. Even Jon Gruden seems to have given up. But stranger things have happened, and hey, Vinnie Testaverde was like 1,000 years old last year. We can wait.)

The power of positive thinking

2008-03-28T13:33:00.000-07:00

Lest everyone think we're total "neighsayers" (get it? GET IT?) who have turned on our beloved horsies, Let Plummer Play! presents...

The top 10 reasons why the Denver Broncos will win the Super Bowl this coming season:

10. Donald Rumsfeld (pictured above) will be signed as a lineman, as Shanahan assumes a guy who was Secretary of Defense should be able to play defense as well or better than the sorry squad did last year.

9. Money saved by getting rid of Andrew Mason, Jim Sundquist, the entire PR department, and Jason Elam can be used to bribe Shawne Merriman with 6,000 pounds of steroid-injected raw beef.

8. Jay Cutler will lose a bet in training camp and shave his signature Pumpkin Pie haircut. His field vision will increase by 60% with the horizontal bang line blocking the top of his sight removed and enable him to throw 40 touchdowns.

7. John Elway will be hired as general manager and motivate the entire roster by giving each player a free slightly-used Toyota Corolla.

6. We've sent Jake Plummer a really nice e-mail and he's agreed to lift the voodoo curse he cast upon the team the day Cutler was drafted. Of course, we also have to contact Brian Griese to find out what kind of hex he laid down back in '02.

5. New defensive coordinator Bob Slowik is actually the reincarnation of Vince Lombardi.

4. Shanahan will convince George W. Bush that Sadaam Hussein is actually still alive and living in the New England area.

3. Pat Bowlen has requisitioned 3 more feet of soil, and is renaming the stadium "Invesco Field at Mile and a Yard High" to increase the built-in home-field advantage.

2. Hoping that good things come in threes, Mike Shanahan has entered negotiations with Eli and Peyton Manning's older brother Cooper Manning to replace Javon Walker at wideout.

1. After the 0-3 start, four words: Head Coach Rod Smith.

Andrew Mason gets sacked (the British way.)

2008-03-21T13:30:00.001-07:00

In another brilliant personnel move that could save owner Pat Bowlen (pictured above) thousands, maybe even tens of thousands of dollars, Andrew Mason--the webmaster and essentially head online cheerleader of the popular blog pages at the Denver Broncos official website--was let go along with several members of the Broncos public relations staff (the most notable name being Paul Kirk, longtime director of media relations.)

Thank goodness we have such brilliant minds calling the shots in Englewood. The money saved could be used to buy at least six or seven ball-warmers, or maybe sign a few tackling dummies (stick them on the roster...the way both lines played this year, we might improve.) We would also suggest investing in a team hairstylist, mainly for Pumpkin Pie...but we're veering off topic here.

Maybe Andrew Mason never contributed to a victory on the field. Maybe he never made a difference in the final score. Maybe there's not a single Broncos player, coach, or employee who will miss him (and we doubt that's the case.) But Mase was a direct link between the fans and the team in a way that felt--to the thousands of NFL fans who frequented his blog on a daily basis, whether for news, rare insight on team operations, or simply because they enjoyed his easygoing, friendly take on what he saw happening with his favorite team--like they had a friend in the front office. Mason's readers ranged from rabid Broncos fanatics who accepted no criticism of their beloved team to people like, well, the two out of three of us here at LPP who liked to go in and serve up our gripes (LetPlummerPlay and WhiteHoss, pleased to meet you.)

The first excuse given for letting Mase and the PR staff go will be a quick and snappy retort about how bad the economy is doing, and how the Broncos are tightening their belts for tough times.

BULLSHIT.

According to Forbes, the Broncos are the sixth-most valuable and profitable team in the money-monster that is the NFL. Team merchandise rules the American Southwest since the only real competition for fans between Dallas and San Diego is in Arizona, and even people in Arizona only care about the Cardinals because of that shiny new stadium. The NFL is actually one of the few American business that isn't going to get its ass kicked until the economy gets back into shape. If anything, sports provides a welcome distraction to a nation's political and economical woes (don't believe us? Joe Louis practically became a God during the Great Depression, and no one can deny how rabid even--or especially--the most destitute countries go absolutely insane over soccer games.) The Broncos will turn a fat profit this year, just like they have for two decades.

Instead of wiping about two games worth of Cecil Sapp's bonus off the books, how about making some better TEAM decisions instead of trimming the fat in the public relations department? It would seem to me, that now, more than ever, the Broncos are a team in need of some good publicity. They've missed the playoffs two years in a row, their head coach has declined into Saints-era Mike Ditka, and they've wasted millions and millions of dollars over the past five years on BAD TEAM DECISIONS like signing Simeon Rice, or throwing a ton of money at Travis Henry despite obvious character issues, or hiring Jim Bates, or giving Todd Sauerbrun ten cents more than the league minimum, or overpaying Daniel Graham, or giving Ted Sundquist GM pay when the head coach was making all the decisions...and that's just the past two years. Hell, I'll even throw in Jake Plummer as a bad decision, because if you were going to pay him all that money to get the team wins (which he did for the most part) then let the guy play out his contract for what you hired him to do instead of throwing the rookie in just to see what happens (but this isn't about Jake.)

"Andrew Mason did nothing important for the Broncos," was probably the thinking at Broncos HQ. Sure. All he did was connect with the most important part of the team's future--the fans who buy the tickets, pay for Sunday Ticket, and buy the ridiculous amounts of merchandise even if they didn't need it. Who needs Broncos pencil sets and fanny packs? No one--but fans buy it because they WANT it, and anyone who can help instill that sort of loyalty is important to a team. Mase kept his readers focused and positive during even the worst embarrassments. He stayed positive and was always a fan first, offering only the lightest criticism and always encouraging the readers who may have been wavering in their loyalties a bit that sunnier days could be around the corner for the patient fan.

Hell, we'll just come out and say it...Andrew Mason has had more faith in this team over the past two years than the team's f***ing head coach! The "Ultimate Leader" had nothing on Mase's commitment to giving the fans the best football experience possible. And now, he's forwarding resumes in the hopes that some future employer out there recognizes hard work, intelligence, and loyalty as true assets rather than just some number on a budget sheet.

We salute Andrew Mason, Paul Kirk, and all the former employees of the Denver Broncos for their tireless and apparently thankless efforts to keep fans interested in an NFL franchise that had only made the job harder by becoming less and less relevant as the 21st century unfolded. Thanks for the efforts, everyone. We'd love to hire you all here at LetPlummerPlay.com, but our budget's a bit tight this year...and every year. Maybe if you used those first unemployment checks on a T-shirt...

We're sure you'll catch on somewhere, Mase, so good luck in the future from...

LET PLUMMER PLAY!!!

Shanahan passes the buck again -or- Blaming the mailman for bringing your bills

2008-03-13T12:20:00.000-07:00

Well, we were wondering who the scapegoat would be this year...and we thought it was just Jim Bates! However word around the ESPN campfire is that Mike Shanahan's Scapegoat Club now has another member. Batesy, Jake Plummer, Brian Griese, and Larry Coyer have been joined by yet another meaningless layer of the Broncos' decision onion..."GM" Ted Sundquist is now unemployed.

We'd like to congratulate the Broncos for taking steps to improve their management team. Perhaps next, instead of firing the yes-man who does the paperwork, maybe the person who was directly responsible for almost every Broncos personnel move for the last 10 years can get the boot. Mike Shanahan is and has always been the shot caller in Denver. Sundquist was just his gofer.

Shanahan: "I want Jake Plummer." Sundquist: "Sure boss!"

Shanny: "I don't want Plummer anymore. Draft the best QB available." Sunny: "Sure boss!"

Shanny: "Larry Coyer displeases me. I want to hire my buddy Jim." Sunny: "Sure boss!"

Shanny: "Okay, my buddy Jim sucks. Lean on him to step down." Sunny: "Gun or crowbar, boss?"

And so on.

Mike Shanahan has been the man writing checks that his results can't cash. Ted Sundquist? He was just a gleefully willing Mr. Greenjeans the mailman, delivering Shanny's orders with little alteration. We aren't sad to see Sunny go, but for Jake's sakes, can we finally start blaming SHANAHAN for the team's failures???

WHO ELSE IS LEFT???

Still Slow...

2008-03-10T08:55:00.000-07:00

"We here at LPP are actually quite fond of Brett Fav-RAH, but still found the following email sent to us entertaining. It is what it is, enjoy." (Oh and we LOVE Marco Matarazzi, so we were a bit offended by that, but oh well.)

Hey man, I got turned on to your site a few months ago and friggin' love it! Well done (well, except for the Materazzi support - that clown's a fucking pig) and keep up the good work!

Anyway, I'm a die-hard Jake the Snake fan since the Rose Bowl (nice defense, ASU, you pussies) and sort of the resident lunatic in the Mighty Bronco newsgroup on Usenet for my unwavering support of Jake. And since they're so damned tired of my diatribes, I thought I'd vent to you guys out of desperation.I've given it enough time and feel that I can now say this in regard to Brett Favre's retirement: Good Fucking Riddance! I'm so goddamned sick of seeing that lucky sonofabitch's highlights.

I see all the shit he pulls out of his ass and say to myself either "Hell, Jake the Snake does that all the time. So what?" or "What bullshit. If Jake had tried to snake that one in there, the WR would have tipped it up for a pick." Jake was truly SnakeBit at times and I am so grateful that Favre's career ended with a horrendous pass that was rightfully picked off. No bullshit tips, no glancing off finger-tips...just a piss-poor decision and throw that bit #4 in the ass. And his running around and jumping like a ten-year old? Give me a break. How many times did we see Jake be the first one to his receiver after a TD pass? Oh, but Favre has a love for the game! Shit, most of those guys he hugged all the time were probably the same ones handing off their Vicodin prescriptions.

If Favre wants to act like a grade-schooler, I got some grade-school smack for him: Jake the Snake rules, Brett Boy drools. Swap them in "There's Something About Mary" and it probably snags an Oscar, what with the porn-stache and all. At least a nomination.Okay. I think I have it out of my system now. That the bounty of unbelievable Luck that permeated Favre's bonehead decisions trumped the derring-do ballsiness of Jake the Snake's play for so long just galls the shit out of me (not to mention the lone ring, but shit, even Brad Johnson and Dilfer have one of those). Thanks for the outlet and I appreciate all your hard work on the site. That photo of Jake's musings on JC and the handball should be blown up into a poster and hand-delivered to Shanny.

aloha
LD

Slow....Slow...Slow

2008-02-23T10:35:00.001-08:00

Here's a random email sent to us recently by a Jake fan:

Hello Jake:

Thanks for all the good times, I'll miss you.
I'm behind you in all that you do. You made the right decision to nix the trade deal.
I have a very good feeling that your best football days may be are still ahead. If not, that's OK too.
Have a good rest ( it's well deserved) & good luck in all that you do in life.
Sure Elway was a good one, but you Jake are 2nd to no other not even Elway. Keep the positive attitude & have some more fun.
I've watched you play since your SunDevil Days. Your great sports memories will live forever as near mirracles and fantastic acomplishments.
I know that there were a few other talented players on that Cardinals team but you carried that team on your back like no one else could ever do.
For this, Jake you are truly a NFL hero. And you are an inspiration for many of us.
And even though that Rose Bowl game was not won, it was for me my greatest sports moment. As a long time ASU fan, I watched from the stands that fine day in Pasadena.
You are one of a kind, a truly talented & great quarterback with super normal instincts.I hope you know that!
You must have a very fine family. Your mother sounds like a very wonderful person.
Best Regards to Pat Tillman as well. The spirit (of Pat) never dies. You 2 guys are really something else.
I know that there are many others that also feel the same as I. You are revered!

Thanks Again,
Don (from PHX, AZ)

ESPN is either spineless or stupid

2008-02-14T14:35:00.000-08:00

Over the past week or two, ESPN and most other national sports outlets have been concentrating on the Roger Clemens case. This is only natural. Roger Clemens is widely considered to be one of the greatest individual players in baseball history and has won two World Series rings with the New York Yankees in 1999 and 2000. Keep this in mind as we go on.

The Patriots "Spygate" scandal is pretty well known. The Patriots were accused by the Jets of illegally taping signals during their first matchup of 2007. After NFL commissioner Roger Goodell saw the evidence and decided that the Patriots had indeed broken the rules, he had all evidence destroyed. Imagine that. Can you think of any incriminating scandal, whether in the business world or in politics, where all evidence was intentionally destroyed by the ruling committee rather than stored for posterity or future review? The Warren Report still exists. So do the Watergate tapes. And if you think we're being overly dramatic, the Pete Rose evidence is still on record with Major League Baseball...and Pete was banned even though no evidence exists that his gambling affected his management/playing decisions; i.e. it neither gave him an advantage nor a handicap on the field.

So you may recall that just prior to the 2008 Super Bowl, a former employee claimed that the Patriots had illegally taped a walkthrough (essentially the first20 or so planned plays of the game) by the opposing Rams just before the Patriots won their first Super Bowl in 2002. Since the Super Bowl was a week away, it was picked up and overblown by the media. Then the Patriots lost, order was restored, and the media ceased to care because 18-1 is a far cry from 19-0.

But Senator Arlen Specter raised a little noise, wondering just how rampant cheating really is in the NFL, and why there were no farther-reaching consequences for the Patriots outside of money (admittedly a large but far from crippling fine to Belichick and the organization) and a draft pick. He also questioned the destruction of the evidence.
Lest we think this is a waste of our tax dollars...well, it sort of is. But look at it from this angle. The Patriots have defeated a lot of teams in the playoffs, and we'll focus on the cities or areas: Indianapolis, San Diego, Philadelphia, St. Louis, Carolina, Pittsburgh. If the other guys win those games, do not the local economies occupied by each team stand to profit in the millions of dollars, either from further playoff games or the simple reputation of having a champion NFL team? Don't these franchises all have to make multi-million-dollar decisions based on the season's final outcome, with failure to reach a championship being one of the top reasons to change rosters, coaches, and gameplans, at great cost? So isn't it unfair if one team has an advantage that the rulebook specifically dictates they should not?

So in the last 24 hours it's come out that Bill Belichick told Roger Goodell (who told Arlen Specter) months ago that the Patriots had been regularly creating illegal practice and game tapes of other teams since 2000...meaning that they had been cheating for over seven years. Here's what ESPN.com currently has on its front page regarding this:

NOTHING.

Not one sentence. Last night, you could find this information contained within another article, with the headline "Goodell: No regrets about Spygate" or some nonsense, like that was the story. Incredible. Maybe ESPN is afraid of pissing off their biggest cash cow?

The Patriots have won 3 of the last 7 Super Bowls. There is no doubt that they are the team of the decade, barring a Giants three-peat (yeah, sure.) If Belichick broke the rules for seven years, he had to think that the information he'd gained was useful. Did other teams break this rule? Possibly, but none so blatantly and stupidly as the Patriots.

If you had a good idea of what the other team was going to do in its first 3-4 sets of downs each game (which is what a walkthrough generally practices) isn't that like having a set of hints? Isn't it an advantage? So why is it not a bigger deal than baseball players using steroids...they're only one person out of a 25-man roster and if it was a league-wide problem, no one team should have had an advantage! Yet steroids in baseball are a Congressional embarrassment.

Meanwhile, in football, steroids are an afterthought and cheating by a coach is clumsily swept under the rug...and somehow it seems to be working! Where's the scandal? Where's the fury? Where is anyone who cares? Frankly, we at LPP are disgusted.

However, in all of this, there was one QB that Bill Belichick could never beat no matter how many practices he taped, no matter how many signals he stole...because you can't predict what an improvisational genius is going to do in advance!
That's right. Even Belicheat could never topple JAKE "THE SNAKE" PLUMMER. At least we'll always have that, even as the NFL refuses to investigate unless Congressmen tell them to and will never put any asterisks next to any Patriots wins and will never ban Bill Belichick for life the way baseball banned Pete Rose.

Even if you taped what he did a thousand times, you'd never see how the Snake was going to beat you until his coach...
LET PLUMMER PLAY!!!

UnbELIevable

2008-02-03T20:29:00.000-08:00

Giants win??? Holy crap. Congrats for knocking off the Cheats, Eli. Now all Tom Brady has to console himself is everything ELSE a man could ever dream of. Oh wait, he'd already done this three times. Oh well.

Eli Manning just won a Super Bowl. Good Lord. And wow, that scramble and catch to save the winning drive...Jake the Snake couldn't have drawn it up better himself! Eli is definitely better than we thought.

You ain't no Broncos but congratulations, New York Giants.

Tampa Bay...stop crying!

2008-01-22T19:49:00.000-08:00

This is a story about a group of billionaires who are trying to use their traditional "legal" bulldozer tactics (utilized by NFL owners for decades) against a guy who just wanted to retire.

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers are starting the process of suing Jake Plummer for a big chunk of the $7,000,000 in bonus money that he was awarded by the Denver Broncos in 2003, some of which (as a result of last year's infamous trade) is counted against the Bucs' salary cap. Tampa was also fining him throughout 2007 for missing training camp, practices, and games.

First of all, we'll speak from the heart here, and this will definitely be the part of this posting where people will say "you guys are idiots." Hey, Tampa Bay (specifically GM Bruce Allen and the trust-fund-baby sons of ailing billionaire Malcolm Glazer)--just release the guy and agree he's, you know, RETIRED. Admit you should have kicked the tires before buying the car. Admit to jumping the gun on a trade and making a mistake. Live with it. Maybe before trading for the multi-million-dollar contract of a guy who plays what is supposed to be the "most important position" on a football team, you should find out if the guy actually wants to play for you, and when he says no...DON'T MAKE THE TRADE! Well, Jake didn't want to play any more. And he retired. And he went away, out of the public eye. And that's not good enough for Tampa Bay's front office.

The Glazer family is worth at least two billion dollars. That's "billion" with a "B." They want Jake to be held accountable for seven million dollars (that, oh by the way, the Broncos paid him, not the Bucs,) because it represents a big fat mistake on the Buccaneers salary cap that the team's decision makers were blatantly warned about when they went ahead and traded for Plummer anyway--one day after Plummer made no bones about not wanting to go to Tampa.

Let's face it, in some form or another most NFL teams make yearly salary cap "mistakes" that range from one to twenty million dollars...but none of the other owners and GMs cry about it and try to get store credit. On the morning of Friday May 3rd 2007 the Broncos and Bucs put together the Plummer-for-a-pick deal but had not yet pulled the trigger. In the same afternoon, media sources widely reported that Jake Plummer had essentially told everyone he knew that he would rather retire than pull up his roots and play 3500 miles from his comfort zone.

On Saturday May 4th 2007, the Buccaneers shrugged their shoulders and rolled the dice anyway. And Jake, true to his word, retired from football, assuming that Tampa Bay would do what every other NFL team does when a guy under contract retires: accept the retirement and release him from his contract.

See, this is what pisses us off the most, and it's a huge point to make when looking at the big picture of NFL owners vs. players. The NFL, more than any other sports organization, has power over their players union and by definition their players, the guys who play with the possibilty of a thankless permanent injury nearly every time the ball is snapped. Between their personal law dogs and damn-near corrupt influence with city, state, and even federal governments (as multi-billion-dollar money machines for regional economies,) an NFL team will rarely lose when they decide to make an example of someone in court. The only people who ever seem to successfully challenge NFL owners are --surprise-- other owners (Al Davis and Jerry Jones are the first to come to mind.) So now, a team with roughly the third-deepest pockets in the NFL is going after a guy who, by all accounts, just wants to retire and be left alone. Bucs GM Bruce Allen said this back in June:

“You can’t unilaterally retire as a player in the NFL,” said Allen. “That’s because you have a contract.”

Well said. But this, of course, begs the question "When is a contract not necessarily a contract?"

Oh right...
NFL contracts are only guaranteed to the TEAM--

--not the PLAYER.

ANY team can "unilaterally" cut ANY player and void ANY contract whenever the team wants. That's why up-front bonuses exist in the first place! Denver (remember, not Tampa Bay) paid Jake X-amount of up-front bonus dollars (as every team pays nearly every notable player) to sign a contract stipulating that if Jake wanted to play football in the years covered by the contract, it would be with Denver...and they would pay him a designated salary if they decided to keep him. However, NFL teams reserve the right to release any player without having to paying them for the remaining years on the contract.

Denver did not want to do this because they already had paid him the signing bonus and did not want to simply trash a good starting player with nothing to show for it--especially if Jake decided to sign with another team (and proved Mike Shanahan wrong.) Now, Tampa Bay doesn't want to do the same thing, for two reasons:

1. Bruce Allen and whichever Glazer okayed the deal don't want to look stupid. They traded for a guy who had already said "I DON'T WANT TO BE TRADED TO TAMPA" and the guy was true to his word. The Bucs made a bone-headed decision when they should have just left Denver twisting in the wind. If the Snake had no takers, the Broncos would have to simply release Jake (or act like dicks the way Tampa is acting now, however, Denver's upper management doesn't seem to have the same stick up their asses that Tampa's does--Shanahan still has a job, doesn't he? Think that happens in San Diego or Dallas after ten years of no Super Bowl?)

2. The Tampa Bay franchise, as part of the overall NFL conglomerate (stop thinking of it as a sport for a second, folks, and see it for the cold corporate machine it actually is) does not want to set precedent by letting this kind of situation slide.

If Jake Plummer is allowed to retire with no "consequence" other than GIVING UP SEVENTEEN MILLION DOLLARS he would get by suiting up for the '08 and '09 years of his contract, the NFL owners would eventually have to deal with someone down the line, whether it's next week or ten years from now, who decides to use retirement as a tool to get out of an undesirable contract and sign with a team of his choice. NFL owners are rich white men. Rich white men do not like being made fools of and they really do not like giving their money to people who have crossed them. They would rather keep a guy under contract and sue him later to make him an example than give the guy his way and actually spend less money by cutting the teams losses. This is what's happening to Jake Plummer. The Bucs would rather keep him under contract for 17 million bucks and sue him for a prorated chunk of seven million, rather than lose face by simply releasing him, saving his contract money, and taking a bite out of their salary cap that their own stubbornness is responsible for. The worst part is they put on big fake smiles and pretend to want Jake in uniform for 2008 just so they can use those lies to back up their court case. Why would Tampa Bay want to pay Jake Plummer starter's money when it's obvious that barring injury he'd be a backup behind Jeff Garcia, who nailed the 2008 job down with a gutsy 2007? Answer: THEY DON'T. They really do want to just cut him. But those kinds of public statements make it easier to maintain a "hurt" position in court against Jake.

We aren't asking anyone to feel sorry for Jake. He's got money, friends, family, a beautiful wife, and last we checked he had one of those sweet two-tone Honda Elements, though it was an '05 or '06 and he may have traded it in by now. However, we ask our few but proud readers to look at this situation as another example of a little guy being leaned on by a ruthless bully. Tampa Bay violated one of the oldest rules of business: caveat emptor--Let the buyer beware--and now they don't want to be stuck with the check. Well, excuse us, but last we checked, if you buy a Buccaneers season ticket you don't get your money back if you simply decide not to show up for the games. You certainly don't get a refund if they lose! And if Jake Plummer had said "Wow, I really want to play for Tampa Bay, let's do this!" the team could still have cut him, with no obligation to pay the remainder of his contract, any damn time they pleased. But despite Jake's warning of retirement, the Bucs went ahead anyway and traded away a draft pick and cap space. Now the Buccaneers want Jake to dip into his own pockets to cover their mistake. We say that no matter how the legality of this situation is properly interpreted, Jake Plummer is being bullshitted by Tampa Bay and (logically) by the NFL as a whole.

Jake the Snake Plummer may not seem like a "little guy" to us average citizens who make 5-figure incomes. However, when compared to the combined 100+ billion dollar empire that is the NFL, he definitely qualifies for "little guy" status, and the big guys are trying to push a little guy around. In today's America, isn't that happening far too often? Aren't we average Joes getting crapped on daily by corporations who are taking more of our time, money, and even our careers whenever they feel like doing so--with the rules bent squarely in their favor?

Write to the NFL and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, or to any NFL team, or to your favorite sportswriter, and tell them that the Bucs need to stop here! Lay off Jake the Snake, Tampa Bay! You bet against the dealer and you lost--AFTER you saw the cards! Don't turn around and blame the cards!

So whether you like Jake Plummer, hate Jake Plummer, or simply dislike David getting the shaft from Goliath, send a letter to:

Tom Carter - Regional Director
NFL Players Association
1133 20th St, N.W.
Washington, DC 20036
800-372-2000 ex 119

Bruce Allen - General Manager (and/or Bryan Glazer - Executive VP, and/or Joel Glazer - Executive VP...but don't bother Malcolm)
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
One Buccaneer Place
Tampa FL 33607

or to:

Roger Goodell - Commissioner
NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE HEADQUARTERS

280 Park Ave., 15th Fl.
New York, NY 10017

Phone: 212-450-2000
Fax: 212-681-7599

Or comment to NFL.com, the NFLPA, or Buccaneers.com (not recommended, most companies could give two shits about their website's comment box.)

and tell them to...

LET PLUMMER BE!!!