Brandon Marshall is a whining little baby.

The saga continues for Brandon Marshall. Now he's acting like an immature dick on the field as well as off, and the Denver Broncos are sick of it. They've suspended him indefinitely for the preseason, but will now have even more trouble trading him for anything valuable. B-Marsh's transformation from mere flake to full-on rectal tumor is complete, and few teams really want to inject themselves with cancer like that--especially since Marshall is in his walk year.

The Broncos, knowing they have little chance at Super Bowl glory anyway, are between a rock and a hard place. Trade him for junk? Not an option. They don't want to hand him over to a contender like, say, New England or New York because he'd magically shape up like Randy Moss and eventually, history paints the Broncos as the team that made a terrible, terrible trade.

Suspend him for the season? As much as Denver fans hate a whiner, they hate a losing team far, far more, and benching B-Marsh could bite Josh McDaniels right in his Belichick-cloned ass.

And if they just let Brandon play? Uh...Marshall has already demonstrated the temperament of a nine-year-old who got an old PS2 instead of the Wii he really wanted from Santy Claus. As talented as he may be, sending B-Marsh out to do whatever he feels like doing that Sunday is suicide for a team saddled with Kyle Orton and Chris Simms, who may be competent QB's but aren't miracle workers.

It's going to be a long, strange year for Broncos fans, especially with this drunk-driving, woman-beating, thug-taunting, trade-demanding lil' whiner on board. Considering how things went with Cutler, it's surprising Bowlen hasn't given B-Marsh the same treatment and shipped him out. Or maybe that's exactly why they haven't traded him.

Either way, WOO-HOO! GO BRONCOS! SUPER BOWL BAYBEEEEE!!!

Our Role In The Brandon Marshall Saga--And Bowlen's Response

We here at LPP are somewhat surprised at how quickly the Brandon Marshall situation has unraveled, especially since our rant from not too long ago (two posts down, of course.) We'd like to think that maybe, just maybe...we had something to do with it. Maybe B-Marsh saw our blog and realized that we, among all Broncos fans, speak with the clearest and most logical voices. Maybe Broncos ownership realized they had a potential disaster on their hands if they let this go any longer and decided to be proactive. Maybe you should all give us props.

BIG UPS TO US! WE MADE THIS HAPPEN!

Well, at least we think we did. Because just this afternoon we received a message from an NFL icon you just might have heard of. That's right, only an icon whose name happens to rhyme with "Stat Stolen" who is about to give this humble website the FINAL WORD on the B-Marsh saga (at least until he's actually traded.)

You know of whom we speak...

Ladies and gentlemen...

The BIG MAN HIMSELF...


...

CAT BOWLEN

Brandon Marshall requests a trade? Good.

Word around the campfire is that Brandon Marshall is requesting a trade. The Broncos' recent signing of Brandon Lloyd (who will never be confused with B-Marsh talent-wise) may be preemptive roster filling in anticipation of such a thing. We here at LPP would like to say something to the Broncos regarding this trade request...


DO IT.

Please jettison Marshall. He no longer wants to be a Bronco and real Broncos fans should not want a woman-choking, drunk-driving, dumb-shit-doing, contract-ignoring jerk like this around anymore.

And fellow fans, whatever you do don't get scared of Brandon leaving and putting up 110 catches, 1,400 yards and 20 TDs with another team. Look--it's going to happen. He very well may put up insane numbers. Just not in Denver, sad to say. As Austin Powers would say, that train has sailed. You think Randy Moss would have put up those sick numbers in 2007 if he had still been a Raider? Hell and No. However, there's no need to trade B-Marsh where he can thrive.

Send him to Detroit.

Brandon Marshall is not worth it

Brandon Marshall is a very good wide receiver. He's the best that the Broncos have and maybe one of the top five or six in the NFL. With Jay Cutler gone, the Broncos are going to need their receivers to be highly competent and to adjust to Kyle Orton and/or Chris Simms for the team to have any chance (slight though it may be) of contending this year.

With all that said...hey Broncos: Get rid of Brandon Marshall. He's an immature, selfish, whining, violent jerk. Over the last three years, he has:

Aggravated the incident that led to Darrent Williams dying;
Beaten, choked, and shaken female companions more than once;
Allegedly slashed one woman with a knife;
Busted for a post-game DUI;
Been a team distraction from said involvement in above incidents;
BEATEN, CHOKED, AND SHAKEN WOMEN MORE THAN ONCE;

And now HE WANTS A RAISE?!?!?!?

We have friends who have stopped watching NBA basketball. When pressed for a reason, one of their gripes is "the league is full of thugs." Now, we love the NFL, but really? How many Brandon Marshalls are there in the NBA? Did Dwayne Wade get caught killing pit bulls recently? Did Steve Nash get busted for coke in a parking lot last year? Did Shaq shoot himself in a club last season? Did Kobe Bryant--well, okay, but he was acquitted, it was over five years ago, and the last thing anyone can call Kobe is "thuggish." He may be a dick, but not a thug.

The NFL has more thugs than the NBA--even going by percentage--and

Brandon Marshall is a THUG.

This is not someone the Broncos and their fans should want to be associated with. If Broncos fans stop blinding themselves (we aren't going to win it all this year, sorry) and really, REALLY look hard at everything Brandon Marshall has done over his career right up until Spring of 2009, we as a fanbase should be just as tired of B-Marsh as Falcons fans were of Mr. Vick--and the organization should feel the same way. Yet the Broncos are probably reconsidering his contract because of the fear of fan backlash. After all, they can't afford to lose an on-field presence that has contributed to such a "dominant" .500 team that's missed the playoffs three straight Jake "the Snake" Plummer-less years going on four. Hey, Brandon IS a really good ball-catching-guy.

Mr. Bowlen, you showed guts when you finally said "enough" and fired Shanahan. You showed guts backing Josh McDaniel even when his judgment seemed questionable regarding Jay Cutler. Show some guts now. Don't cave in to B-Marsh. If he wants to earn the money he agreed to be paid according to the contract he signed, let him play out the season. If he behaves and has a good year, franchise his ass and tell him if he so much as gets a parking ticket he can eat bench until his contract is up. But don't give in and reward Brandon Marshall for being cancerous. Cut him or keep him, but don't cave to him.

We want the Broncos to succeed, but not with an asshole like Marshall giving us second thoughts about the team's character. We'd actually like it if the team we liked was actually worth liking. C'mon last year Jay Cutler--JAY CUTLER--called B-Marsh immature. We all know Pumpkin Pie isn't exactly a paragon of maturity and restraint, so for him to call Brandon a whiny girly man should have set off a lot more alarms in Denver.

Also, if this was one of the New York teams or New England or DC, the media would be treating B-Marsh like a superstar criminal and the Broncos would be made to look like total douchebags for putting up with him. Thank goodness ESPN doesn't give a crap about anything that happens west of Philly except Lebron James and Manny Ramirez.

Anyway, that's our story and we're sticking to it.

CUT THE THUG!!!

Can B-Marsh Tie His Own Shoes Without Incident?

"Aw, double hamburgers."

*****************************************

According to various news sources, Brandon Marshall went to New York to discuss his conduct with Commissioner Goodell last week. No word on whether or not the two men took turns setting up the couch cushions in front of the TV to construct a makeshift wrestling ring but interestingly enough, besides Marshall's lawyer it sounds like Rod Smith went along to plead against a suspension. Either that or Rod was just there to keep B-Marsh from downing a fifth of Cuervo in the car and breaking his ankle on a Snickers wrapper while crossing the street.

Look, I want the Broncos to win too, but three arrests including a DUI? Send the asshole a message before B-Marsh thinks he can get away with anything and pulls a Leonard Little.

Rod also announced his retirement today, which we already thought he'd done, but much respect for Rod anyway. He should be in the Hall of Fame, but the voters are a little stupid sometimes. We'll see. Hopefully the Broncos give Rod something more important to do than babysit their dumbest player.