Thanks to Cat for making sure the team's position is clear even though the Broncos signing Mike Vick is about as likely as Mick Vick actually growing a soul. Yeah, that's right, f*** you, Michael Vick! And if you think "oh, he served his time, oh, you guys are haters, oh, you guys are punks, oh you guys are stupid because animals mean less than humans..." F*** you too.
You think Michael Vick is being treated unfairly? Imagine the best pet you ever had; a dog, a cat, a bird, a ferret, a rabbit...
Think of all the good memories of that favorite pet.
Think of how cute and interesting it was.
Think of how much you loved it.
Now imagine Michael Vick taking your pet and tossing it into a dogfight ring with two vicious, starving, mad pitbulls who proceed to tear your pet to shreds within an inch of its life.
Then imagine Michael Vick calling off the pitbulls and beating your beloved pet with a bat until it's barely breathing.
Then Michael Vick picks up your bloody pet by the neck and sticks its head into a bucket of water until it stops moving.
Then Michael Vick drags your pet's limp form over to a cement step and bashes its head into the concrete until its brain is totally destroyed.
Then Michael Vick puts your beloved pet in a bag and buries him in the back lawn of his property.
If that doesn't piss you off even a little, you have no heart, brain, or soul. And that's before we tell you to multiply your pet's experience by about a hundred. So f*** Mike Vick, and f*** any team that hires him. Think Michael Vick deserves to go back to the same profession? If he did this at McDonalds or Apple or Disneyland, he wouldn't get another shot at the same company. Hell, if Michael Vick was just some average Joe Schmoe who moved into your neighborhood and you found out he was an ex-con and what he was in for, you wouldn't even want your kids walking across the street from his house, would you? And before you lie, NO, you wouldn't.
By the by, f*** you, Tony Dungy, for agreeing to "mentor" this 29-year-old violent sociopath like he's a 12-year-old. Go save someone who matters beyond TV ratings, Tony. Go volunteer at the Boys & Girls Club or something. And f*** you, Roger Goodell, for giving an animal murderer a lighter sentence than the guys who get busted for performance enhancers...no amount of spin can change the facts of Vick's case, just like no amount of influence with ESPN (The Worldwide Leader in NFL Ass-Kissers) can erase the fact that Ben Roethlisberger, the blue-collar leader of the new "America's Team" at the VERY LEAST had an awkward, ill-advised fling with a slightly crazy and slightly horse-faced hotel employee and AT WORST...raped her.
Look...we love football but the NFL and especially Goodell is trying way too hard to squash and smooth over image problems instead of trying to prevent them from happening in the first place. Be transparent, dummies. Every time you do something shady, like "suggest" (aka threaten) to ESPN to hold off on what may be a non-story (if you don't believe this is exactly what happened with Big Ben, you're a sad mental case) or destroy the Spygate tapes, you damage the integrity of the league. Even more than the competent--but far from legendary, as many would have you believe--Paul Tagliabue...Roger Goodell is a BEAN COUNTER. He doesn't give a rat's ass about the integrity of the game (not that there's all THAT much), the livelihoods of the players, or the feelings of the fans. Goodell's mission is plain and simple: enable as much profit for the owners as humanly possible no matter what the players, coaches, and fans say or do.
David Stern and Bud Selig aren't exactly great commissioners. However, at the end of the day you can look at those two and know they genuinely love their game and respect it to at least a certain degree. Goodell? Love and respect? Only for the Almighty Dollar.
Anyway, we originally intended to just post Cat Bowlen's pic and call it a day, but we let too long go between postings and needed to vent. Also, Jake Plummer still RULES and we'd have him back before Brett Favre any day of the week.
