And speaking of Vegas...

"Yeah, ol' Charlie Hustle bet on baseball, son. And I bet yer mom's a C-cup."

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If he were a bettin' man, Pete would like these odds. According to current Vegas lines, the Denver Broncos look to be a lucrative bet should you have the faith. We here at LPP do not necessarily endorse gambling, but we do like throwing our paychecks away in exchange for $20 worth of watery cocktails and dirty hands. Is that so wrong? So here be the Broncos' chances according to the Mafia...er, the legitimate sports bettors of America:

Winning the AFC West: +450 (9-2)
Winning the AFC: + 2200 (22-1)
Winning the Super Bowl: +4000 (40-1)

All right, so let's face it. These odds are about right. But did America give up when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? No! So place your bets if you're in a position to do so. We suggest (for entertainment purposes only, as our attorneys advise) that you place the big money on the AFC West win. The Chiefs are sorry, the Raiders are a mess, and the Chargers are talented but...they just seem like a "but." 10-6 could possibly do it. Winning the AFC is probably a stretch and the Super Bowl even more so, but if you happen to be around a sports book, why not throw down five or ten bucks just as a goof? If you're in a casino, you're probably going to spend the money anyway and technically it'll be on a wager that entertains you for several months! That's better than spending 45 seconds getting slaughtered at the "Wheel of Fortune" slot machine, especially when you're sitting next to that old lady with maybe five months to live who hits the progressive million dollar jackpot after you've just hit your ATM limit for the night.

We also found some interesting side bets available...
Odds of:
Jay Cutler throwing 40 TDs: +1000 (10-1)
Jay Cutler throwing Brandon Marshall into a locker room TV: +700 (7-1)
Brandon Marshall getting 10 TD receptions: +1200 (12-1)
Brandon Marshall getting 10-15 months in County: +800 (8-1)
Shanahan winning Coach of the Year: +1100 (11-1)
Shanahan deserving Coach of the Year: +100000 (1000-1)
Shanahan deserving to lose his job and keeping it: EVEN
Denver RB reaching 1,000 rushing yards: +200 (2-1)
Denver RB reaching 1,000 rushing yards and returning for 2009: +300 (3-1)
Champ Bailey getting 10 INTs: +350 (7-2)
Boss Bailey getting 10 sacks: +2000 (20-1)
Bill Bailey coming home: +300 (3-1)
Denver sweeping the Raiders: +600 (6-1)
Denver sweeping the Chiefs: +400 (4-1)
Denver sweeping the Chargers: +1400 (14-1)
Todd Sauerbrun sweeping the bleachers at Invesco: +150 (3-2)
Travis Henry missing child support payments: +200 (2-1)
Rod Smith comeback: +5000 (50-1)
Soulja Boy comeback: +100000 (1000-1)
Macarena comeback: +500000 (5000-1)
Baby comeback: You can blame it all on me. (I was wrong, and I just can't live without you.)
Jake Plummer comeback: Ummmmmm...please?

All right, enough jokes. Gentlemen, place your bets!

What Happens In Vegas Stays In Vegas Unless You're Javon Walker

CSI Las Vegas says the crime scene probably looked a lot like this.

Former Broncos and current Raiders (if he ever suits up) WR Javon Walker was found unconscious on a side street off the Las Vegas Strip early Monday morning. Apparently he's got a broken eye socket. Police are assuming it was a robbery. There's a slight 100% chance that alcohol was involved.

All joking aside, did Javon learn nothing from being about 36 inches away from Darrent Williams on New Years' Eve when Darrent was shot and killed? Shouldn't that have been the lesson learned right there? Rumor has it that Javon had gotten into a $15,000 "champagne war" with boxer Floyd Mayweather Jr. the night before at the Hard Rock Casino club, spraying patrons with Dom Perignon, making it rain--you know, real responsible Pacman Jones type stuff. Then apparently he got hammered and stayed out until 6:30 a.m., becoming an easy target for whomever jacked him. That's outlandish behavior even for a Raider. Heck, that might even be considered bad for a Bengal!

We wish Javon a speedy recovery, although we couldn't care less if it affects his NFL career. We aren't the most religious blog out there, but for once we're going to go against our normal "butt out" policies and loudly suggest that what Javon needs is Jesus. Or Jehovah. Or Allah. Or Buddha. Or Joe Smith. Anything that keeps his dumb ass out of the clubs.

Plummer Plundered

Was "Tampa Bay Fops" already taken?

Well, the underdog gets stomped again. It looks like the Tampa Bay Fake Raiders are going to get a lot of Jake "The Snake" Plummer's signing bonus after all. (Thanks to "grizzly" for the heads-up)

With the matter ready to go to arbitration, it seems apparent that the multi-gazillionaire Glazer crew had our favorite retiree over the barrel, as it were. Jake will be paying the Fake Raiders a pretty huge chunk (roughly half) of the money that Denver included in his contract as a pro-rated bonus. It's nice to know for future reference (any NFL players, pay attention) that apparently a "bonus" is only a bonus when it's in your hand as an extra incentive in the present, not a percentage tied to your actual paycheck that can be taken away in the future. If that's the case, it's not a bonus, it's a salary. And--may we add--it's bogus.

There is a stipulation about Jake still being chained to the Fake Raiders' mast in case he decides to return. Wow, that's great. The Fake Raiders treat guys who want to play for them like crap as it is. I bet Jake would just love to board that rapidly-sinking ship. The Dread Pirate Gruden is probably updating his resume in preparation to scurry out of there with the rats ASAP--leaving the twenty-seven quarterbacks on their roster fighting for the starting job to drown in the mediocrity of the Fake Raiders' forseeable future.

Well, we hope Jake still has enough cash flow to get by, especially since coming back is now even more complicated than before. If not, there's still time to run for office! We'd like to extend our middle fingers to the Tampa Bay Fake Raiders organization for punishing Jake as a result of their own completely idiotic trade for a guy who had already said he didn't want to play for them. So here's to you...

F*** YOU, TAMPA BAY FAKE RAIDERS!!!

Put The Man On A Damn Ticket Already

All right, we seem a little biased. Well screw it, if McCain was really that good he would have beat out Bush for his own party's nomination eight years ago and anyway, the Democrats deserve their chance to screw up America for four to eight years, right? Either way, it's high time somebody...

LET PLUMMER RUN!!!

Bye Bye Big Baby Daddy

"Wait...YOU'RE my brother too?"

In a move that will certainly affect the lives of children around the world, Travis "Big Baby Daddy" Henry was released by the Broncos today. Mike Shanahan's quote regarding BBD:

"Although Travis has the ability to be one of the top running backs in the NFL, we have to make decisions that are in the best interests of our organization and its goal of winning a Super Bowl, we did not feel his commitment to the Broncos was enough to warrant a spot on this football team."

These words coming from Shanahan mean a lot to us. After all, this is a guy who's on his third D coordinator in three years, who switched from a veteran QB with a winning record to an untested rookie during a crucial playoff stretch, and who approved Henry in the first place despite massive red flags against his character--even though Shanahan supposedly has a system that can work for almost any back. Why sign a highly potential problem child to the one position you've been able to stick pretty much anyone into for ten years running with good-to-great results?

While we don't excuse BBD for his flake-out, we don't necessarily blame him in the big picture. After the Brian Griese era fizzled out, the Broncos went from an organization that prides itself on a roster full of character to employing a roster full of characters. With the exodus of Todd Sauerbraun, Javon Walker, and now BBD, perhaps they are making a long-awaited step back into the right direction--but Brandon Marshall had better shape up quick.

Farewell, BBD...we're sure you'll end up on some NFL roster. Too bad the Raiders are now stacked at RB; you'd have fit in perfectly. Find a job quick, though--you got some mouths to feed and no man except Karl Malone can ignore that responsibility and get away with it. Good luck, Travis.

(Speaking of basketball--Lakers vs. Celtics? Holy crap, we're ten years old again. Time to grab some Fun Dip and Green Slime Hi-C and settle in!)