Let Plummer Play!: November 2007

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Monday, November 26, 2007

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE DENVER BRITNEYS.

You hear that quiet sucking sound; that almost inaudible whisper? That’s the sound of another season slipping down the drain in Denver. Usually the sound is more pronounced and violent, but this is Denver. The altitude and thin air means certain things act differently. We certainly can’t act like the Falcons. No, their season didn’t slip down the drain recently, the entire Atlanta bathtub crashed through the ceiling, “Money Pit” style, before the season even started. But enough talk of tubs and drains; let’s just take that sucking sound literally. The Broncos suck, friends. They suck like Britney in Vegas on New Year’s Eve. Like Britney, they will tease you with promises of comebacks and a return to former glory. Then you get a long hard look at the performance up close.

The Broncos aren’t just “like” Britney Spears. They are the Denver Britneys; a disheveled, dingy, bloated, overrated mess of has-been that only seems relevant because many of their peers suck even worse, and it’s mainly Shanahan’s fault. It didn’t hit us until we noticed that the terrible Raiders took out the Chiefs in Arrowhead; an accomplishment that Denver fans had crowed long and hard about just two weeks ago since we hadn’t done it since the Brian Griese era. Well, turns out the Chiefs may now be the worst team West of Miami...and if those two teams played tomorrow, we might take Miami. Okay, well, there’s a little shine off of one win. Immediately after the Raiders score rolled by, we noticed that the Titans--a supposedly good team that battled the Broncos hard for 3 quarters before finally succumbing at Mile High last week--had been absolutely pasted by the (at the time) 3-7 Bengals. So apparently, the Titans actually are in a rapid decline (starting the week before the Denver game with a loss to the Jags) and again, another victory tarnished (as if playing at Mile High isn’t supposed to be like spotting the Broncos 10 points to begin with.)

We saw a lot to like about Jay Cutler yesterday. Pumpkin Pie (man, we love that name) finally has two impressive games in a row in 2007 but unfortunately, as we predicted, he only has one victory in those two games, a subtle but definite jab to any QB’s confidence (“What else do I have to do to get a win with this team???”) of the kind we’ve been predicting for nearly two years now thanks to “the Mastermind.” Shanahan made several strategic mistakes, even setting aside the fact that if it’s obvious Devin Hester is having one of “those” days, then stop giving him the freakin’ rope to choke you with and start kicking line drives and squibs. Shanahan shows no initiative when an opponent meekly shows him its throat, instead choosing to stick with “quick out-run-run-punt/run-quick out-run-punt” sequences when it was obvious that Cutler, Marshall, Scheffler and Stokley were practically going into convulsions waiting for the signal to open up the throttle on the subpar Bears secondary. Shanahan only called deep outs when his stuffy math-major’s brain told him it was proper; the players had to save a couple of busted plays on their own and made the most of them. Wasn’t this supposed to be the guy that truly opened up John Elway and Steve Young as deep threats? (Short answer: No--those two were already damn good, had All-Pro wideouts, and regularly called their own plays.)

The defense is breaking down again. The special teams were laughable. With the Bears defense deteriorated into a shadow, even the running game was just average and the only bright points came with the passing game...and even Pumpkin Pie’s passing percentage was down a hair; the secondary was just easy to beat once the receivers got space. And yet the Britneys came away with a loss in a game that they should have won handily. This is a weird year for the NFL. There are a ton of mediocre-to-bad teams (like every West team in both conferences.) The Britneys unfortunately seem to be more lucky than good when it comes to their record. They could easily be running with the Raiders at 3-8 or worse.

So we stand by our criticisms of Shanahan. Like Britney, the game has passed Shanahan by...and in both cases, anyone who’s paying attention will realize that the kids are the ones who will truly suffer for it. Save Pumpkin Pie! Save the Broncos from being the Denver Britneys! WE WANT OUR BRONCOS BACK!!! Mr. Shanahan, please retire before you’re left standing humiliated in a bra and panties with a mommy paunch on national TV, your voice shot and your former glory nothing but a hazily-remembered footnote! And we aren’t just saying this because you didn’t...

LET PLUMMER PLAY!!!

Sunday, November 25, 2007

HOW TO WASTE A QUARTERBACK.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Victory

Well now Denver fans. That was a pretty good game wasn’t it? Even we here at LPP only have so much to say regarding the Monday Night victory in Denver. Jay Cutler did well, the special teams did well, and the defense actually held up. If they could do this every week, maybe we could get somewhere, though we still saw Jay running for his life on a few plays when the O-Line crumbled. What are we going to criticize this week? Not much. Thanksgiving is here, and why do you think Cutler’s doing so well all of a sudden? It’s that time of the year when Pumpkin Pie is a primary menu item around the USA!

The Broncos can take control of their destiny. The Bears are falling apart, the Raiders are about as bad as a year ago, Kansas City is playing with 1/3 of an offense, Houston isn’t ready to step up this year, and Minnesota revolves around one injured rookie. That’s right, the rest of the schedule is CREAM PUFF TEAMS except for one game; unfortunately it’s in San Diego. If the Broncos can figure out the Chargers before Christmas Eve, they’re golden. If not, no playoffs and mediocre draft positioning.

Thanks to the morons running the Chargers, the Broncos are getting the one-or-two-years-early gift of AFC West contention because of a simple fact: the winner of the terrible AFC West will be the worst team in the playoffs. Now, while that’s not much to brag about, it does at least mean an extra paycheck for the roster should they make it to the first round. Granted, a lot of fans last year were saying they’d “rather miss the playoffs and have Cutler in there learning, because with Plummer they’d just get embarrassed in the first round.”

That’s not an exaggeration. A lot of people actually said that.

Now, despite the fact that this current team stands about as much chance to beat New England as LetPlummerPlay.com stands to beat Google in unique views, people are getting psyched about the playoffs again. Well, if you threw in the towel last year out of “pre-embarrassment,” and are now rooting for the Broncos based on their 5% chance of a miracle, SUCK OUR FAT ONES. Don’t call US phony fans (happens a lot) if you were “glad” the Broncos missed the postseason in 2006 but are hyping 2007. Do we hope they make the playoffs? Yes. Hell yes. Say anything you want about our criticisms of people, decisions, and plays, we bleed orange and blue around here. A week of NFL football without a Broncos game is like an empty Pumpkin Pie tin on Thanksgiving—it just ain’t right!

But now is not the time to attack our allies, even the ones we disagree with. Happy Thanksgiving to all Denver fans--even the ones who hate our guts for speaking the truth when nobody wants to listen.

We give thanks for steady paychecks, a full belly, the NFL, for Pumpkin Pie managing to not get killed despite Shanahan’s crappy O-Line schemes, and for 10 years of getting to watch two NFL teams...

LET PLUMMER PLAY!!!