Copy Cat Crime!

"Anyone seen Travis? He said he'd be back in 15 minutes. Yesterday."

Since we have received a couple of comments in addition to several emails regarding a Jay Cutler tribute video on YouTube, we felt it only right to respond...officially. We have absolutely nothing to do with the video labeling Jay as fat on YouTube, to date we have never even made a Jay Cutler video and after watching the video, felt obliged to show what a nice guy Jay really is.

Therefore we have posted the above picture of Jay holding baby Jude as proof. We don't hate you Jay and we curse whoever made that video because, well, it just wasn't any good.

LetPlummerPlay.com's 2008 Celebrity NFL Draft Hot Tub Party

Maybe this won't happen as much this year.

The Broncos actually played it safe in this years NFL Draft, taking OL Ryan Clady from Boise State with their first round pick. Clady is supposed to be pretty good and best of all for him, he won't have to memorize a new mascot. Maybe Shanny still has a few brain cells left, as we'll actually defend any decision that looks to improve the paper-thin lines on both sides of the ball. Of course the Denver Post criticized the decision, saying that the Broncos might have been better off taking Jonathan Stewart, a bruising RB from Oregon. We think they're better off with taking a shot at improving the line, but honestly, what do we know?

We here at LPP only care about NCAA football for what it is: the NFL's overrated minor league that gets hyped for three reasons: 1: Gambling 2: The NFL Draft 3: Gambling. We don't remember any college player's name except when ESPN gushes all over them...not to put down anyone who made a college team, but we feel the same way about NCAA basketball: it exists to make money for the school, stimulate gambling, and produce pros. On a national scale, that's all. Yes. That's ALL.

On a smaller and personal scale sure, school pride is nice and all but the games? They're just ticketed, televised sporting events from which rich old white guys get richer...kind of like the pros, yes, but at least in the pros the players are fairly compensated for their services. Also, for the most part rosters consist of the best of the best (Even the 2007 Miami Dolphins would destroy 2007 LSU. Sad but true.)

College (non-athlete version) is for getting a piece of paper that improves your resume, making connections which make said paper irrelevant, and learning how to handle your booze. College does not exist for hating a different college in the same region just because they wear blue and you wear green, and they're a "U" and you're a "State." NCAA games are fun, but it's no different than watching NCAA baseball or hockey...except that those two sports are ten times more difficult to successfully wager upon than football and basketball, therefore fewer people care. (Our humble opinion...well, that and no one watches hockey anymore and most baseball players don't get really good until they're at least 23-24, and many of the best hockey players come in as teenagers, and college baseball uses metal bats, and...let's face it, you REALLY have to like those sports to get into anything but the pro versions.)

So there you have LPP's 2008 NFL Draft report. Now go wait for Grand Theft Auto 4 to come out. That violence should tide you over until the preseason starts.

I'm Growing Out My Hair!

Hey, it's not like the Nuggets are providing any entertainment.

Because why the hell not?

Pumpkin Pie does it for the childrens

"You're THAT Bubblegum Tate?"

Despite the name of the site and our allegiance to Jake the Snake, let's be honest here. Jay Cutler is our favorite NFL pastry. Pumpkin Pie continues to enhance his image in our book. Firstly, he's teamed up with the World Famous Harlem Globetrotters (as seen above) to entertain 100 needy childrens from the Pumpkin Pie Foun--uh, we mean Jay Cutler Foundation.

Also as seen above he has not yet cut his hair but we're still crossing our fingers.

He's also helping another child, a famous one--Broncos teammate Brandon Marshall, whose talent and recent off-field exploits are bringing to mind a young Dennis Rodman. After the DUI, the Darrent Williams incident, and now shredding his arm on a broken television (and you have to have some serious momentum to break a TV screen...we tried shattering a monitor with a hammer back when we were stupid kids and it took more effort than you'd assume) Pumpkin Pie essentially said on the record that Brandon needed to stop acting like a dumbshit 15-year-old and start acting like a full-grown professional (not the Pacman Jones kind, either.) He then went on to display some interesting Q-Buds (the precursor to true Q-Balls) by stopping just short of calling out his front office and owner for their recent human resources shenanigans.

"This year, the third year, it's definitely time," Cutler said. "As the quarterback of this team and the leader of the offense I think I should go ahead and take that next step." -- "It's been three years. Obviously my coach isn't going to lead anything but a conga line at this point in his career."

Cutler even felt emboldened enough to make light of Broncos owner Pat Bowlen's recent cry of poverty, NFL style, joking that he had to go out and purchase his own helmet a couple of days ago. -- "It's really too bad the NFL isn't making BILLIONS and BILLIONS of dollars. I wouldn't want Pat to have to sell one of his private jets or boats."

Although the team hasn't been a big player in the free-agent market this offseason, Cutler said he had faith the Broncos would be competitive. "I think we still need some weapons, but that's not my job. I'm the quarterback and I get the ball and try and get us some touchdowns," Cutler said. -- "Hint, hint coach...give me something better to work with--or better yet just give me SOMETHING to work with."

The quarterback wasn't happy that the Broncos failed to re-sign veteran kicker Jason Elam. "I am a little worried about that," he said. "He's one of the best clutch kickers in the game. Having been here for that long, I was surprised to see them let him go." -- "Great, so apparently the guy responsible for half of my scoring drives and half our wins was expendable? Wonderful. I didn't realize I was still at Vanderbilt."

Thank God Pumpkin Pie got a real education from a real university. Some football-factory quarterback from Texas, USC, or Michigan might not have been properly prepared to face the intellectual chaos we've got here in Denver. Jay has apparently rationalized that his coach and owner are officially tuned out and the only way anything positive is going to happen on the field at Mile High is if the team's best players man-up and act like leaders. Unfortunately, since the other two best players on the offense are B-Marsh and Travis Henry, it's going to have to be a one-Pie show for the time being.

Maybe Jay is up to the task, maybe he's not. But it's a damn positive sign that he's publicly speaking his mind and taking charge. It may not be enough to get the Broncos back in the playoffs this year, but at least they won't be mailing in games like the Dolphins or Rams. That alone might be worth an extra win or two.

An extra win or two could make the difference in a playoff push, by gum. A sneak into the playoffs would almost make up for the severe lack of Jake Plummer in the NFL. But we still hold out hope that the Snake will strap on the pads one last time and someone will...

LET PLUMMER PLAY!!!

(Well, okay. We really don't think that's going to happen. Even Jon Gruden seems to have given up. But stranger things have happened, and hey, Vinnie Testaverde was like 1,000 years old last year. We can wait.)