Cutler...Great?

THE NEXT BRETT FAVRE IS NO BRETT FAVRE

The Broncos finally painted themselves into a corner that Jason Elam’s foot couldn’t get them out of. A team with a running game that moves like old men and features an actual old man at quarterback just waltzed into Mile High and took another year off of Mike Shanahan’s life. Favre was having an average game up until overtime when he had a sudden moment of clarity and thought “Hey, wait a minute, I’m Brett Favre!” and promptly reminded Mile High of that fact by nailing the Bly-burning Greg Jennings for eighty-two freakin’ yards.

Horrible.

But not surprising. This wasn’t like the Pittsburgh game. Last week the team hit the field pissed-off, well rested and had a chip on their shoulders bigger than Travis Henry’s diaper bill. This week, the team was complacent after victory, the aforementioned Big Baby Daddy was out, and it seems that the “weaker” NFC was underestimated. The thing we here hate hearing the most is now that they’ve gotten over the “next Elway” bit, the media has moved on to comparisons between Pumpkin Pie and Brett Favre. Folks, can we stop? Jay Cutler has tools, but can we give the kid a break? Pumpkin is compared more to older quarterbacks than any young quarterback in quite some time. Can we let him develop his own identity, please? And another thing, no, he’s not Brett Favre. Brett Favre came over from the Falcons into a low-pressure situation with a team that had been an afterthought for 20 years and started turning heads. Then, Favre’s coach assembled a vicious defense led by racist homophobe (but otherwise generally nice guy and great player) Reggie White and suddenly the Packers were winning new fans and Super Bowls.

Pumpkin Pie, our favorite NFL pastry, is coming into a definite high-pressure situation, and for Denver fans, their two Super Bowls may as well have happened last week. He was drafted as a savior and dumped into the middle of a playoff run. Both Fav-ruh and Pump-kin possess strong arms and brains, and both throw about as many INT’s as TD’s (although incredibly, Favre’s ratio has actually improved in his 17th year in football.) But Brett Favre has the biggest pair of Q-Balls in the NFC, and therein lays the difference.

“The Mastermind” Mike Shanahan came to the party unprepared yet again. Sure, BBD was a late scratch, but remember, Shanahan’s arrogant pride in the notion that his RB’s are interchangeable is supposed to make that irrelevant. Cutler started out fine, hitting bam-bam-bam passes to put the Broncos on the board, but then a costly fumble by the Pie blew a sure score and probably kicked Cutler “squah” in whatever Q-Balls he’d been developing over the past two weeks. Pumpkin Pie was not the same for the next two possessions; Selvin Young didn’t hit his holes and Shanahan twiddled his thumbs as Green Bay padded their score with field goals. But then, as all great coaches do, Shanahan decided to trust in his best player to win an ugly game. Unfortunately, Shanahan has mismanaged this team so badly that his best player is the kicker. Jason Elam did what he was asked to do, but even Adam Vinateri can’t make a field goal equal four points instead of three, and the game went to overtime where it usually comes down to two things...coin tosses and Q-Balls. Green Bay had the double-whammy advantage and fifteen seconds later: Game over, thanks for visiting Invesco Field at Mile High, drive home safe; pick up some discounted Rockies World Series merchandise on your way out; go Nuggets.

Well, shit. Here we go again, back to square one. Now Shanahan leads his Horses into the Lions’ den in Detroit, where Jon “Jesus is my neurologist” Kitna’s promise of ten wins isn’t looking so ridiculous anymore. The Lions are coming off two strong wins against Tampa Bay and Chicago, the latter at Soldier Field. The Lions can be beaten if the Broncos get to Kitna early but they’re in a bind. The Lions just saw a Coyer defense and blew by it against Tampa. Jim Bates hasn’t been able to implement anything innovative that actually works...so Shanahan will probably go with the “Simple Simon” defense that caught Pittsburgh off guard but probably won’t be able to surprise the high-powered Detroit attack. The Lions have more good receivers than Champ Bailey can cover...whether it’s Shaun McDonald or Calvin Johnson, someone’s going to burn Bly or end up uncovered. Worst of all for Pumpkin Pie, even though the Lions give up points, they lead the league in picks. The Broncos can win simply because...screw it; we’re not trusting the Lions as contenders until after week 12, after they’ve played the Giants and Packers. They win those games? They can win the NFC. But then, anyone can win the NFC at this point (except St. Louis.)

Will they win? If they play like they did Monday night, the answer is no, no, no. So whip out the microscopes, Denver. We let the guy off the hook for one week and look what happens: A complete breakdown against a heavily flawed NFC team that went from having no running game to having some schmoe named Ryan Grant (Ryan Grant? RYAN GRANT?) kick up 100 yards of Mile High turf in Denver’s face! Can we get some accountability, Mikey? Well, don’t worry, LPP fans, we won’t be letting Shanahan relax anymore and neither should you, whether or not you supported our position that he should have...

LET PLUMMER PLAY!!!