THE SURVIVAL OF LET PLUMMER PLAY HINGES ON SUNDAY!!!
The bye week is over, the Broncos are home, and it’s time to face Pittsburgh. We here at Let Plummer Play are going to go out on a limb and predict a stellar victory for the Broncos, which will save Shanahan’s job and prove for one more week that he is a genius. If the Broncos lose, we may no longer have a reason to live...virtually speaking.
Why would we say this? Well, aside from the fact that we’re still Broncos fans, this season hangs by a thread. Pumpkin Pie is stuck with a thuggish-ruggish (and sluggish) offense both on the field and on the sidelines, injuries are popping up left and right, and the defensive line is playing like pre-schoolers (Red Rover, Red Rover, send the Chargers on over!) If the Broncos lose this game, they are 2-4, a barrel bottom they haven’t scraped since the first post-Elway season of ’99 (to be fair, that team started 0-4.) That means we here at LPP are closer to being proven right than ever!
That can’t happen! If we’re proven right, by the Broncos tanking the season, and they replace Shanahan, and they let Cutler slide to another team to become a Pro Bowler, and they become a respectable threat again...what will we have to complain about!?!?! The Broncos have to hang on to at least the edge of mediocre if not improve to outright average! If they stay mediocre, Shanahan’s job is safe week to week and we get to rip on him until the playoffs start! If they actually become decent, they’ll come within a hair of the playoffs or even make it and we get another year to gloriously bash Shanahan for keeping the horses on a treadmill for the entire 21st century!
You’d think we hope they don’t win a Super Bowl with Shanahan, but that’s not true! We’d love for the Shanahan-led Broncos to rise again and smite their enemies, including the hated Colts, Chargers, Patriots, and Raiders (well, they usually smite the Raiders anyway) but here’s the problem: as long as Shanahan’s running his tired dog-and-pony show, the only bowl the Broncos will be seeing is the one planted on Pumpkin Pie’s head the next time he cuts his own hair! Jay, seriously, if you don’t want to spend the money, we’ll gladly spot you $10.00 plus tip. Put down the safety scissors and bum a ride to Supercuts. There’s like three of them in downtown Denver alone.
So go, Broncos, go! Give the unrealistic Shanahan Brigade false hope so LPP can go argue his little heart out at Andrew Mason’s blog! Give the people who see the truth more reason to roll their eyes when the Steelers beat themselves and we have to put up with another week of the Shanahan Brigade fooling themselves into thinking the team is fixed while insulting us for pimping Jake Plummer every week and ignoring the dozens of logical and factual NON-Plummer points we make because they hit too close to home! Give us the pain of mediocrity that we must feed on to live as smart-assed web bloggers who like to waste their time! If the Broncos go say, 5-11, what good is complaining about change going to do us? There’s no fun in arguing with people when we’ve been proven 100% right! But if we’re only 80-90% right about a 7-9 or 8-8 team, we can still muster up the motivation to go toe-to-toe with the residents of Fantasyland, where Mike Shanahan’s fists are full of hard-earned championship rings, the urinals at Invesco Field flush Cabernet Sauvignon, and John Elway’s Toyota dealership actually benefits America and not the Japanese economy! Could such a wondrous place exist???
Now, if they fire Shanahan, we won’t have much to complain about either, and we may have to close the site down. We can console ourselves by eating the sweet manna of intellectual victory and watching the Broncos rebuild properly without having built-in overblown expectations brought on by an overrated, played-out coach who can’t develop new talent because he needs to come into a situation with built-in superstars to succeed...if they fail WITHOUT Shanahan, at least we can say they tried new things. It’s like taking a European vacation and not enjoying yourself...at least you can say you went!
Don’t fucking die on me, Pyle! That would break my fucking heart! Go Broncos!!! Because even if he is the greatest handball player to ever play football, this site really is more than just an attempt to convince people to...
LET PLUMMER PLAY!!!