Oh that's just what we f***ing need

This is very, very bad.

With the Broncos already playing defense like the Braille Institute's JV squad, now comes the news that Champ Bailey is out 4-6 weeks and Boss Bailey is D-U-N (that spells 'done') for the season. Phenomenal. The only defender who can actually defend is out for at least a month. His brother is just out.

Let's run this by you all again...the Broncos have already given up the second-most points in the league (one point behind the Niners,) were wrecked up by the opposing runner in 3 of the last 4 weeks, were slapped around by Matt "No Starts Since High School" Cassel, and now they lose their only undisputed All-Pro defender? Someone get us a beer, stat.

The worst thing about all this is that in the end, this provides a cushion for Mike Shanahan to get another "get out of jail free" card. "Oh, you can't blame Shanahan for this defense! They lost the Fabulous Bailey Boys in the same week!" Whupever. The defense is bad already. Now this puts things into panic mode.

Oh, and this SHOULDN'T matter, but we get the feeling it will considering the offensive line is starting to get fatigued again and Pumpkin Pie already has a minor injury...Patrick Ramsey's out too, meaning there's no back-up QB.

It's a razor's edge the Broncos are walking upon, and if recent history is any indication...well, let's just say we hate being so right.

Broncos break Jake's winning streak vs. Patriots

We feel the same way about him, Jay.

With the Patriots' season in a shambles due to the loss of Tom Brady, it seemed they were ripe for a Broncos picking on Monday Night in Foxboro. After all, they'd been whupped by the tough but undermanned Dolphins and kicked around by the injury-ravaged Chargers. Why couldn't there be a Pats beatdown by the high-powered offense of Pumpkin Pie and the Broncos?

Oh, the defense. That's why not. For any of our fellow Broncos fans who might be understandably confused by the word, "defense" is the process by which a football team puts 11 men on the field with the intent of stopping the 11 men on the opposite team from advancing that little oblong pigskin object towards one of the goal lines.

We only emphasize this because, frankly, we are strongly becoming convinced that Mike Shanahan needs to be informed of exactly what defense means.

Pats backup QB Matt Cassel had been floundering for weeks, making Pats fans and non-fans alike question exactly what the hell Bill Belichick was thinking having his Hall of Fame-destined Golden Boy Tom Brady backed up by a guy who wasn't even a starter in college. To make matters worse, the Ultimate Cheater didn't even go after any free agent QBs when Brady went down for the year. Personal grudges aside, Daunte Culpepper was available and at least had a history of being able to throw to Randy Moss fairly well. It's not like a player's recent stats can really tell the story when said player put up those stats as a Raider.

But back to the Broncos, Cassel seriously slapped them around, throwing 3 TDs with no effort and the no-name New England running game wrecked up the Broncos D something fierce. It's becoming more and more evident that's we're in year three of defensive suckitude, and IT'S GETTING WORSE? Are you kidding? Bob Slowik is looking like a "dead man walking" which would make him the third such condemned man in a row. Even Champ Bailey can't overcome 10 teammates with no direction. So what's coming now? Another new defensive coach? Will Jim Ryan be served up on a plate in 2009 to yet again safeguard Shanahan from criticism? Oh, but this isn't Shanahan's fault, right?

WRONG.

Look, we're 4-3. It could be a lot worse (we're about 3 plays away from 2-5.) But the Broncos have given up more points than they've scored...and they scored a lot of points, at least in the first few games. Have the 2008 Broncos become predictable already? (Yes.) Is Shanahan starting to show cracks mid-season for the third straight year? (Yes.) Is Jay Cutler going to be able to save the season or is he doomed to Carson Palmerdom because the defense can't give him breathing room and the offensive line can't stop the thunder? (Please, no.)

Well, we've got a bye week coming for Jay's hand injury to heal up and for the team to prepare for a tough but winnable game at home (AT HOME, DAMMIT) against Miami. After that, they're off to Cleveland, where the Browns are killing themselves trying to save the season and the Falcons are suddenly looking like an actual franchise again.

Coach Shanahan: Shape up. One of the best coaches ever? Lead or leave. Broncos management is in a downward spiral, and they're going to take some talented players down with them if this keeps up.

Come on, now. Didn't Jake "The Snake" Plummer teach you guys anything? Once he figured out Belicheat and the Patriots, all Plummer did was roll off three straight wins, including a playoff game! In recent years, Jake OWNED the Patriots. One wonders how Jake felt watching something he used to do with such ease turn to such mush in the hands of his micromanaging former coach. Come on, Jake would have underhanded a TD to Eddie Royal--with his left hand--on the first possession Monday!

(Jake Plummer could not be reached for comment on this story. Well, we aren't really allowed to talk to him. Stupid restraining order. Look, we moved our car, man! We took the tent off your lawn! What more do you want, sir?!?! You da man, Jake! We'll be over here if you need anything! Do you need anything? Jake?)

Anyway, the Patriots would have been easy picking had this been 2005 or 2006 when the Broncos still...

LET PLUMMER PLAY!!!

We must occasionally bow to the wishes of our fellow fans

It appears we have once again been overly harsh to our beloved white horses and our millions of loyal fans around the world have seen fit to slap us on our typing wrists. Yes, it's true. We can be Negative Nancies at times. In fact, those times occur quite often. But far be it from us to (my God) act like closet Chargers fans.

Why should we bring up negatives? Surely the Broncos have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are inching closer to regaining the greatness of the championship years. Jay Cutler is a young gunslinger, Brandon Marshall is a phenom when he actually concentrates on football, and Mike Shanahan despite our occasionally playful jab has at least decided to Let Pumpkin Play.

We don't want to be overly pessimistic, it is simply in our nature to do so. With that in mind, let us not dwell upon the Broncos' recent fizzle against Jacksonville. Let us not dread this weekend's trip to Foxboro. Let us instead celebrate all that is good about being Broncos fans and football fans in general.









...










Oh screw it, here's a cat in a bow tie:

Isn't that f***ing hilarious? He thinks he's people!

Hey, if we were all yippy-skippy about everything the Broncos did, rain or shine, win or lose, champs or chumps, we'd be just like all the other gushing kiss-ass fan sites of every team in every other sport cluttering up the net. You know, the way ESPN is with the Red Sox. The rest of team sports should be so lucky as to have fans like us! We offer constructive criticism and unconditional love...with a few conditions.

As a matter of fact, if you've got another team you'd like us to rep in another sport, let us know and we'll lovingly bitch about them too! Just not a hockey team. Not because hockey sucks, it's just...well, there's a lot of long European names and they all kind of blend together. And because hockey in a league format does indeed suck.

By the way, the Broncos will win by two scores this weekend, so nyah.

Well that wasn't fun at all

This sort of sums up the game.

Well although they kind of hung in there as much as they could, and despite some bad calls, the Broncos got stepped over by an underwhelming Jags team. Pumpkin Pie fought bravely but couldn't do much to prevent a loss thanks to injuries and general incompetence by the defense. Seriously, that first Jags drive in the 3rd was embarrassing. The first two minutes of the second half featured some of the worst defense we've seen from Denver in a while, and that's counting the whupping in Detroit last year. Cutler kept them in it for the most part but there just wasn't enough done here to deserve a win. So much for the "Mastermind" and the Mile High Advantage.

Turnovers, bad defense, injuries...yeah, this isn't looking too promising over the next few weeks. They can still win 10 games, but this was definitely no confidence builder. The bigger problem here is that San Diego just gave their confidence a case of Red Bull by dismantling New England. Sure, the Pats aren't the same without Brady, but psychologically the Chargers are probably deluding themselves into a frenzy that could be tough to deal with once they edge closer to the Broncos. Sometimes a team gets a little hair on their balls and they suddenly think they're King Kong.

The Broncos need to heal up, stay focused, and go beat the Patriots next week. That's going to be rough because for one it's a road game and for two, the Patriots will be out to make a statement after the loss. What we really need (besides Jake Plummer suiting up for, say, Detroit) is for Jay "Pumpkin Pie" Cutler to get pissed off, put the team on his back, and hit the Patriots with every ounce of Q-Balls he can muster. C'mon Pumpkin Pie, get MAD! If you want, you can get mad that we call you Pumpkin Pie. Although we do it out of love here at...

LET PLUMMER PLAY!


Oh, and Happy Columbus Day, if you're so inclined to celebrate such a fake-ass "holiday." But at least we have jobs that give us the day off.

This town needs an enema!

Yes, yes, the Broncos beat the Fake Raiders. Yes, we took a long time to update. But we've been investigating a series of mysterious vandalisms (is that a word?)

Pumpkin Pie was a victim.

Ditto Pat Bowlen.

Even the beloved "Mastermind" Mike Shanahan got a taste of the defacement.

How could this have happened?

Who is responsible for this dastardly deed?

Who put smiles on these otherwise sour faces?

Who?

Who?

Whom, even?

.
.
.
We have some idea...

Why so serious?

We now return you to your regularly scheduled football season.