It's just preseason. It's just preseason. It's just preseason.

C'mon Kyle, hit MickeyD with the helmet. You know you want to.

Brandon Marshall is a whining little baby.

The saga continues for Brandon Marshall. Now he's acting like an immature dick on the field as well as off, and the Denver Broncos are sick of it. They've suspended him indefinitely for the preseason, but will now have even more trouble trading him for anything valuable. B-Marsh's transformation from mere flake to full-on rectal tumor is complete, and few teams really want to inject themselves with cancer like that--especially since Marshall is in his walk year.

The Broncos, knowing they have little chance at Super Bowl glory anyway, are between a rock and a hard place. Trade him for junk? Not an option. They don't want to hand him over to a contender like, say, New England or New York because he'd magically shape up like Randy Moss and eventually, history paints the Broncos as the team that made a terrible, terrible trade.

Suspend him for the season? As much as Denver fans hate a whiner, they hate a losing team far, far more, and benching B-Marsh could bite Josh McDaniels right in his Belichick-cloned ass.

And if they just let Brandon play? Uh...Marshall has already demonstrated the temperament of a nine-year-old who got an old PS2 instead of the Wii he really wanted from Santy Claus. As talented as he may be, sending B-Marsh out to do whatever he feels like doing that Sunday is suicide for a team saddled with Kyle Orton and Chris Simms, who may be competent QB's but aren't miracle workers.

It's going to be a long, strange year for Broncos fans, especially with this drunk-driving, woman-beating, thug-taunting, trade-demanding lil' whiner on board. Considering how things went with Cutler, it's surprising Bowlen hasn't given B-Marsh the same treatment and shipped him out. Or maybe that's exactly why they haven't traded him.

Either way, WOO-HOO! GO BRONCOS! SUPER BOWL BAYBEEEEE!!!

Kyle Orton did what now?

This is too good to be true. Apparently Kyle Orton, he of the NeckBeard, tossed an INT against the Seahawks in this weekend's pre-season game.

Oh, did we forget to mention he did it left-handed?

A lot of so-called Denver "fans" decided to roll their eyes and bring up good old Jake "The Snake" Plummer's infamous lefty interception against the Chiefs and are assuming Orton's pale imitation spells doom for the Broncos this year. We say NAY! (or NEIGH, if you like.) If anything this is a sign of greater things to come for Orton. Sure, his beard is nothing next to Plummer's. We've been through all that. And of course, a lot of critics are saying "Orton's arm strength has been unimpressive." Bah. Arm strength? If you want arm strength, 41-year-old NFL washout Jeff George probably has a stronger arm than 90% of the league's current QBs. We want WINS!

Why does Orton's lefty pick give us hope? Well, for the smartasses who like to reach back and make an unflattering Plummer comparison, let's just set the record straight. After Jake's southpaw INT--including the game in question--all Jake did was post up a record of 23 wins and 13 losses over the next two seasons, including the last Denver playoff victory (against Tom Brady and the Patriots, no less.) If Orton puts up that kind of winning percentage this year it will be the single greatest performance by a Denver QB since John Elway took some terrible offensive rosters into multiple Super Bowls back in the 80s (though the current Denver defense would have to perform some kind of miracle to be as good as the Dan Reeves glory years D.)

So while we still consider Kyle Orton the Lesser Beard, we do at least have a glimmer of hope that he can be successful. While Pumpkin Pie takes his arm strength to Chicago to throw to a bunch of Raider-esque scrub wideouts, Orton can toss to guys like Eddie Royal and Brandon (Why is he still here?) Marshall. We think things will even out, even though we'd really rather be watching the Broncos...

LET PLUMMER PLAY!!!

Cat Bowlen comments on Brett Favre's "surprise" comeback

Pumpkin Pie says Denver fans suck

Jay Cutler wants the world to know that on a scale of 1 to 10, Broncos fans are a "6" and Bears fans are a "9".

Just so you know, John Elway gives Broncos fans a "10".

Brian Griese gives them a "4".

And Jake Plummer?




Uh, Jake says Broncos fans are number one!

Cat Bowlen addresses the Michael Vick situation.

Thanks to Cat for making sure the team's position is clear even though the Broncos signing Mike Vick is about as likely as Mick Vick actually growing a soul. Yeah, that's right, f*** you, Michael Vick! And if you think "oh, he served his time, oh, you guys are haters, oh, you guys are punks, oh you guys are stupid because animals mean less than humans..." F*** you too.

You think Michael Vick is being treated unfairly? Imagine the best pet you ever had; a dog, a cat, a bird, a ferret, a rabbit...

Think of all the good memories of that favorite pet.

Think of how cute and interesting it was.

Think of how much you loved it.

Now imagine Michael Vick taking your pet and tossing it into a dogfight ring with two vicious, starving, mad pitbulls who proceed to tear your pet to shreds within an inch of its life.

Then imagine Michael Vick calling off the pitbulls and beating your beloved pet with a bat until it's barely breathing.

Then Michael Vick picks up your bloody pet by the neck and sticks its head into a bucket of water until it stops moving.

Then Michael Vick drags your pet's limp form over to a cement step and bashes its head into the concrete until its brain is totally destroyed.

Then Michael Vick puts your beloved pet in a bag and buries him in the back lawn of his property.

If that doesn't piss you off even a little, you have no heart, brain, or soul. And that's before we tell you to multiply your pet's experience by about a hundred. So f*** Mike Vick, and f*** any team that hires him. Think Michael Vick deserves to go back to the same profession? If he did this at McDonalds or Apple or Disneyland, he wouldn't get another shot at the same company. Hell, if Michael Vick was just some average Joe Schmoe who moved into your neighborhood and you found out he was an ex-con and what he was in for, you wouldn't even want your kids walking across the street from his house, would you? And before you lie, NO, you wouldn't.

By the by, f*** you, Tony Dungy, for agreeing to "mentor" this 29-year-old violent sociopath like he's a 12-year-old. Go save someone who matters beyond TV ratings, Tony. Go volunteer at the Boys & Girls Club or something. And f*** you, Roger Goodell, for giving an animal murderer a lighter sentence than the guys who get busted for performance enhancers...no amount of spin can change the facts of Vick's case, just like no amount of influence with ESPN (The Worldwide Leader in NFL Ass-Kissers) can erase the fact that Ben Roethlisberger, the blue-collar leader of the new "America's Team" at the VERY LEAST had an awkward, ill-advised fling with a slightly crazy and slightly horse-faced hotel employee and AT WORST...raped her.

Look...we love football but the NFL and especially Goodell is trying way too hard to squash and smooth over image problems instead of trying to prevent them from happening in the first place. Be transparent, dummies. Every time you do something shady, like "suggest" (aka threaten) to ESPN to hold off on what may be a non-story (if you don't believe this is exactly what happened with Big Ben, you're a sad mental case) or destroy the Spygate tapes, you damage the integrity of the league. Even more than the competent--but far from legendary, as many would have you believe--Paul Tagliabue...Roger Goodell is a BEAN COUNTER. He doesn't give a rat's ass about the integrity of the game (not that there's all THAT much), the livelihoods of the players, or the feelings of the fans. Goodell's mission is plain and simple: enable as much profit for the owners as humanly possible no matter what the players, coaches, and fans say or do.

David Stern and Bud Selig aren't exactly great commissioners. However, at the end of the day you can look at those two and know they genuinely love their game and respect it to at least a certain degree. Goodell? Love and respect? Only for the Almighty Dollar.

Anyway, we originally intended to just post Cat Bowlen's pic and call it a day, but we let too long go between postings and needed to vent. Also, Jake Plummer still RULES and we'd have him back before Brett Favre any day of the week.

Our Role In The Brandon Marshall Saga--And Bowlen's Response

We here at LPP are somewhat surprised at how quickly the Brandon Marshall situation has unraveled, especially since our rant from not too long ago (two posts down, of course.) We'd like to think that maybe, just maybe...we had something to do with it. Maybe B-Marsh saw our blog and realized that we, among all Broncos fans, speak with the clearest and most logical voices. Maybe Broncos ownership realized they had a potential disaster on their hands if they let this go any longer and decided to be proactive. Maybe you should all give us props.

BIG UPS TO US! WE MADE THIS HAPPEN!

Well, at least we think we did. Because just this afternoon we received a message from an NFL icon you just might have heard of. That's right, only an icon whose name happens to rhyme with "Stat Stolen" who is about to give this humble website the FINAL WORD on the B-Marsh saga (at least until he's actually traded.)

You know of whom we speak...

Ladies and gentlemen...

The BIG MAN HIMSELF...


...

CAT BOWLEN