Attention Presidential Hopefuls!

While LetPlummerPlay.com has yet to endorse a candidate from the Republocrat or Demican parties, we would still like to contribute to the process. As we all know, America's not in the best shape it's ever been.

Oh sure, it's still a great place to live. Where else can you get chili fries, porn, prescription drugs, and a mango Slurpee at 2:30 am on a Tuesday--all within a two-mile radius if not all at the same store? Where, we ask? But the economy's taken a dive what with interest rates tanking, home after home being foreclosed upon, and tax breaks favoring the very corporations who move their profits overseas to outsourced labor. Speaking of interest rates, the 30-year mortgage we've taken out on Iraq has turned into an expensive blood-soaked black eye on our track record. We've barely touched Ground Zero. We never caught Bin Laden. The Euro, Yen, and whatever the Chinese use for money is stomping the dollar the way Elway used to stomp Cleveland. America needs a change.

Now, it's looking like the presidential race is shaping up to be Obama vs. McCain, and neither man has picked a running mate. Well, we here at LPP have got the perfect man for the job, and you all know who we mean.

Mr. Obama, Mr. McCain...one of you needs Jake Plummer as a Vice President. Think of it: McCain/Plummer. Obama/Plummer. Sound pretty nice, eh? Jake brings all sorts of positives to the table...he's married, he's a former athlete, and he's college-educated. He's used to leading teams and snatching victory from the jaws of defeat. He's honest but elusive. He's handsome but dignified. He can throw a football sixty-five yards.

Are the religious nutjobs giving you grief? He'll grow a beard in October, and by November, which candidate will look like Jesus is standing right beside him and smiling? The candidate with the smarts to pick Jake Plummer, that's who! Are you looking to please the bleeding heart liberals? Let him pull up in a 4-year-old Honda Element to prove he's not wasteful or flashy.

Jake won't end up in a scandal. He won't be taking bribes from corporate cronies, or appointing Jason Elam to Secretary of State, or tapping a code with his foot in a men's restroom. He's happily married to a very camera-friendly blonde former cheerleader (isn't that the American Dream, dammit?) And above all else, who wouldn't want to see a politician called "Snake" as a compliment for once?

A side note to Hilary Clinton: You messed up, lady. If you'd promised America four years of Clinton/Plummer from the get-go, Obama wouldn't have laid the smack down. You'd be sitting pretty with a 49-state advantage (you wouldn't have won Massachussetts. They hate Jake for that perfect record against Tom Brady.) Better luck next time.

So Jake, start making phone calls! Throw your hat in the ring! And start prepping for the top spot in 2012! (Jake for President? Dare we dream?) Let's get the Snake on a ticket--any ticket! America, we're asking you to rock the vote and...

LET PLUMMER RUN!!!