Well, here's some news we can't really make fun of--Jay Cutler has apparently been diagnosed with Type-1 Diabetes. If you're too lazy to click the Wikipedia link, Type 1 is generally pretty dangerous and can cause a boatload of health problems if untreated. Luckily, it looks like doctors caught it before anything bad happened and Jay apparently just needs regular insulin shots and a healthy diet. As a millionaire professional athlete with access to the best doctors, trainers, and dieticians in North America, Jay should be A-OK as long as he sticks to his regimen. No more getting hammered though, guy. Diabetics can really mess themselves up on the sauce.
Anyway good luck Jay. You've joined a large and fruitful group of diabetic celebrities like Halle Berry, Ty Cobb, Ernest Hemingway, Mikhael Gorbachev, George Lucas, Sugar Ray Robinson (boy, that one's ironic,) Anwar Sadat, Elvis Presley, James Brown, Rick James, and yes, Jerry Mathers as the Beaver. We're sure you'll stick to your treatments and live a very long time.
Just don't use the blood tester on your throwing hand.