See what happens when we veer off message?

Are we the only ones who saw nothing but this all day?

You know what? We were almost starting to believe. You read the last few posts, we admit it...we were starting to not only enjoy Broncos games again, we were actually having expectations! Positive expectations! And then what happens? The defense craps the field against one of the worst teams in football.

Don't come at us with "oh, the Chiefs were playing over their heads today" or "the Chiefs were just due to have a good game after being terrible for so long" and PLEASE don't bring up home field advantage. Did you all see what the damn Raiders did in Arrowhead? The Chiefs consist of Larry Johnson, Tony Gonzalez, and pick a scrub QB (Damon WHO?ard) and that's it. You stack the line against LJ and you go to work. Naturally, the guy has a vintage afternoon and makes the Broncos "defense" (quotation marks intentional) look like the pee-wee squad from "Little Giants" and even Huard has a mistake-free game.

Ugh. Well, we apologize to our loyal readers who thought we were drinking Shanny's Kool-Aid (never were, we just had a lil' faith in Pumpkin Pie) and we'd like to re-emphasize just how bad the defense is. Jeepers H. Crackers, we didn't think they were this bad. If you can't hold the Chiefs (the Chiefs? The CHIEFS???) under 30 points then you are a failure as a defensive unit. But we've been saying that for two years...we just thought all that was behind us.

The Broncos are one-dimensional...again. At least the one-dimension is a good dimension, but as we saw today, sometimes offense alone isn't going to cut it--even against one of the joke teams of the league. Shanahan needs to get this team's s*** together pronto. For the third year and third defensive coordinator in a row, the defense stinks. Maybe it's not the coordinator...maybe it's the personnel. Or maybe it's the guy who selects the personnel. Ah well. 3-1 isn't a bad place to be, especially since we're one Ed Hochuli and Martin Gramatica away from being 1-3. The Broncos should still be able to win 10 games as long as they take care of business at Mile High and don't throw suck-fests on the road like today's.

Ugh. The Chiefs? Inexcusable.

The Chiefs.

The Chiefs?

Ugh.

Kansas City is about to get Old Yeller'd

Enjoy that tailgate y'all, because the fun's over when the game starts.

What was once a feared excursion into the heart of hell itself has now become one of the biggest tomato can shooting galleries in the NFL. That's right, the Broncos are off to Kansas City to presumably stomp the Chiefs into next Thursday. After yet another nail biter, the Broncos are 3-0 and we don't see any way they lose this game. None. Zero. Zip. Zilch.

The Chiefs were our early pick for "Worst Team In League" and although St. Louis is just a tad worse right now with Detroit and Cincy right in the running, KC is still on track for that #1 2009 draft pick despite scaring the crap out of New England. KC may end up with the same record as another bad team, which means that in spirit, the Chiefs will "lose" the "loser tiebreaker" for the sheer moral victory of assassinating Tom Brady's knee and sending the Patriots into chaos. However, their thorough spanking at the hands of the Raiders at Arrowhead gives us confidence that Pumpkin Pie and the Funky Bunch may not only beat the Chiefs but set some offensive records in a runaway victory...

...especially since the Chiefs' offense is so bad that even the Broncos' defense won't come close to blowing this one (they won't, right?) Seriously, we're pumped by the ripping start to the season, but the defense is giving us nightmares. Denver's going to win 10 or 11 games--there it is, everyone--but if the offense runs into a tougher D when it matters, the Broncos are going to wind up like the Bengals were a few years ago, a lights-out offense and a defense that wouldn't scare Gary Coleman.

Still, Denver's relatively healthy now and almost every other team in the AFC who was unquestionably better has suffered some sort of injury to their biggest names--Brady, Tomlinson, Merriman, Parker, Roethlisberger, Manning, and lesser important pieces (like the Colts' offensive line) are out of the lineup or playing hurt. Anything can happen. This could just be one of those weird years when a one-dimensional team can win it all. Heck, it's happened 3 times in the last decade alone: the 2000 Rams, the 2001 Ravens, the 2003 Fake Raiders...one never knows. We don't quite yet believe Shanahan's rejuvenated himself 100%, but if the defense can just keep another team (a good team, not the Chiefs or Raiders) under 25 freaking points, the Broncos are in it to win it.

Just no more heart attack games like New Orleans, please...30 other kickers in the NFL would have put the Broncos at 2-1. Combined with "Hochuli's Gift" against the Chargers, we should be 1-2 right now...but we'll take it as long as the wins keep coming.

(Note from Pale Horseman--And Jay Cutler is having a monster fantasy season. Keep it up, Pumpkin Pie. I want that league money...errr, I mean the satisfaction of fantasy dominance. For entertainment purposes only, of course.)

Typical...

This was sent to us by a Raider fan. I guess they do have a lot to be happy about, I mean the Raiders did beat the Cheifs. The Patriots beat the Cheifs, so if the Raiders can now beat teams the Patriots can beat, WATCH OUT, the Raiders might be going 15-1 this year guys.

Shanahan makes a good call.

It's better to be lucky...

There. We said it. Going for two? That was pretty neat.

But if they had lost this game it would have been the ultimate embarrassment. After 14 points worth of gifts from Football Satan (Champ's "strip" that should have been overturned and Ed Hochuli's hasty whistle on Pumpkin Pie's "oopsie" fumble) Shanahan had no business getting an "L" which is probably why he chose to go for two...losing in OT would have looked bad on the entire game's effort, blowing a 2-point conversion only looks bad for one play. So credit for smarts, there.

A win is a win, and we'll happily take 2-0. Cutler got oddly shaky near the end, but luckily the referees bailed him and the Broncos out so he can learn from his mistakes without having to absorb the loss. This was definitely a game for the Broncos to take with Merriman out, LT hobbled, and the Mile High advantage--this was not an upset, this was "winning when you should." We're not going to put Denver in the NFL's top 3 just yet, but hey, they're atop the AFC West. If San Diego continues its streak of bad decisions and worse luck, a Denver division title is easily attainable since there are at least 5 more guaranteed victories on the schedule (Oakland and Miami at Mile High, Atlanta, and two shots at beating up Kansas City.) That means all they have to do is win 2-3 of the games that could go either way (Tampa Bay, Cleveland, Buffalo,) and pull off at least one upset (we're thinking @ Carolina for that one) That's at least 9 to 11 victories, and that's enough to win this crappy AFC West. Maybe they aren't ready to take down Pittsburgh in a playoff situation, but the rest of the AFC has deteriorated so quickly that ANYTHING can happen. Hey, why not?

Besides, if all the pieces fall into place and Denver somehow wins the Super Bowl, we can admit we were wrong about everything in the history of ever and close down the site...we'll see. Until then, we remain...

LET PLUMMER PLAY!

Pumpkin Pie in the Raiders' faces

Great Pumpkin!

Well, that's a good start to the season. As we predicted, Pumpkin Pie is carrying the team despite the running game slipping away and the Raiders essentially stopping themselves by even bothering to use Justin "Every Yard Is Uphill" Fargas when they have a machine named Darren McFadden. Helpful hint, Lil' Lane Kiffin...running backs don't need to learn the game like QB's do. They run. That's it. Make a hole for them and things happen. And with that bit of advice, we'd like to add...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH...ahhhh. F*** the Raiders. Side note: Jamarcus Russell actually doesn't look too bad. But who in the hell are his receivers? Wait, did Ashley Lelie just...ASHLEY LELIE? And who is "Scheilens?" While we're at it...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH...ahhh. Way to suck and blow at the same time Chargers. Losing to Carolina? In San Diego? From Jake Delhomme? As time expired? Yeah, have fun watching the Super Bowl at home again. And oh yeah...

Ha. We can't laugh too hard at the Chiefs. We hate them, but they did mow down Tom Brady, and we'd like to congratulate Kansas City for their moral victory. Ladies and Gentlemen, your starting AFC Pro Bowl QB, Jay Cutler.

For those who might smacktalk about Jake and our ongoing dedication to his old career, we knew Cutler would be starting by now when he was drafted. So, whatever. Our issue was with the failures of 06 and 07. It's 2008 now and we're Broncos fans. Maybe we can't win it all, but we can do some damage--of course we'll back our Pie in the Mile High. Also, Eddie Royal seems to be the real deal and Scheffler looks to be continuing his improvement.

(Note from Pale Horseman--And just to be honest here, Pumpkin Pie is my fantasy starting QB. Better believe I'm behind him this year. LET PUMPKIN SCORE!!!)

Dear Jake...

Dear Snake,

How’s it going? I’m writing to you because I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. Not in a gay way or anything. I’m just one of your biggest fans and it’s starting to sink in that you might not be playing ever again in the NFL.

I’m a full grown man and have a pretty good job. I go to work 5 days a week to my boring job and the one thing I had to look forward to all year is the football season featuring my favorite player, Jake Plummer. Well, now you’ve retired rather than play for Tampa Bay. I can understand that. Tampa Bay is far away and it’s very hot and humid. I don’t like humidity. It makes my clothes all sticky. You can see my nipples when my clothes get sticky. This probably is less of a problem for you because you’re so big and strong and well-built, but I’m sure it’s still bothersome.

Anyway, I’ve been moping about the house. Baseball is meaningless to me and even my favorite TV shows aren’t as interesting anymore. Every time I’m close to being entertained by something, I imagine your handsome, full-bearded face dancing in front of my eyes, as you drop back to throw a sure touchdown. Sometimes you pull the ball in close and start running for the first down. Either way, I become depressed because I start wondering if I’ll ever see it for real again. My girl is telling me to get over you, but she doesn’t understand how I feel about you. You’ve been a part of my life ever since you first suited up for Arizona State, and now that you’re gone I don’t know what I’ll do. I realize that sounds harsh, like you’re dead or something, but if you aren’t in a football uniform, you just aren’t as alive to me as you used to be. And if you aren’t alive, I wonder if I’m really alive.

Sometimes I stand at the edge of the cliffs out by my house and wonder if there is life after Jake. I never jump, because you wouldn’t want me to jump and I respect that, but even so, I wonder and despair. I’m not mad at you, Jake. How could I be mad at you? You’ve been there for me through all the good times. Like the time my dog died, and I was sad, and you made me feel better by beating the Cowboys in the playoffs with the Cardinals. That was a nice thing you did Jake, and even though you may not have known it, I really think that was meant to make me feel better. I also remember the time I jinxed you when I forgot to pick my girl up from her mom’s house, and the next day the Broncos lost to the Colts in the playoffs. I know it’s hard to forgive me for that, but a good guy like you probably did.

Anyway, I don’t want to take up too much of your time. I know you’re happy in your new life, with your pretty cheerleader wife and your money, not having to play with that mean guy Shanahan with his little golden boy quarterback, who isn’t half the guy you were. But since you haven’t actually turned in your retirement paperwork, maybe you could take one of Jon Gruden’s phone calls and come back to play. Even if it was just to be the backup, it would do me a lot of good to see you on the sidelines with your handsome moustache and a headset, calling in plays to Jeff Garcia even though you’re better than he is. Terrell Owens said he was gay. I don’t know if that’s true, but I know one thing for sure: you aren’t gay, Jake. No sir. You’re too much of a man to be gay, and I love that about you too.

You don’t have to write back to me. Returning to the game I loved watching you play would be response enough. Until then, enjoy your vacation and continue being great.

Sincerely, Your biggest fan, Jack Snake