Kansas City is about to get Old Yeller'd

Enjoy that tailgate y'all, because the fun's over when the game starts.

What was once a feared excursion into the heart of hell itself has now become one of the biggest tomato can shooting galleries in the NFL. That's right, the Broncos are off to Kansas City to presumably stomp the Chiefs into next Thursday. After yet another nail biter, the Broncos are 3-0 and we don't see any way they lose this game. None. Zero. Zip. Zilch.

The Chiefs were our early pick for "Worst Team In League" and although St. Louis is just a tad worse right now with Detroit and Cincy right in the running, KC is still on track for that #1 2009 draft pick despite scaring the crap out of New England. KC may end up with the same record as another bad team, which means that in spirit, the Chiefs will "lose" the "loser tiebreaker" for the sheer moral victory of assassinating Tom Brady's knee and sending the Patriots into chaos. However, their thorough spanking at the hands of the Raiders at Arrowhead gives us confidence that Pumpkin Pie and the Funky Bunch may not only beat the Chiefs but set some offensive records in a runaway victory...

...especially since the Chiefs' offense is so bad that even the Broncos' defense won't come close to blowing this one (they won't, right?) Seriously, we're pumped by the ripping start to the season, but the defense is giving us nightmares. Denver's going to win 10 or 11 games--there it is, everyone--but if the offense runs into a tougher D when it matters, the Broncos are going to wind up like the Bengals were a few years ago, a lights-out offense and a defense that wouldn't scare Gary Coleman.

Still, Denver's relatively healthy now and almost every other team in the AFC who was unquestionably better has suffered some sort of injury to their biggest names--Brady, Tomlinson, Merriman, Parker, Roethlisberger, Manning, and lesser important pieces (like the Colts' offensive line) are out of the lineup or playing hurt. Anything can happen. This could just be one of those weird years when a one-dimensional team can win it all. Heck, it's happened 3 times in the last decade alone: the 2000 Rams, the 2001 Ravens, the 2003 Fake Raiders...one never knows. We don't quite yet believe Shanahan's rejuvenated himself 100%, but if the defense can just keep another team (a good team, not the Chiefs or Raiders) under 25 freaking points, the Broncos are in it to win it.

Just no more heart attack games like New Orleans, please...30 other kickers in the NFL would have put the Broncos at 2-1. Combined with "Hochuli's Gift" against the Chargers, we should be 1-2 right now...but we'll take it as long as the wins keep coming.

(Note from Pale Horseman--And Jay Cutler is having a monster fantasy season. Keep it up, Pumpkin Pie. I want that league money...errr, I mean the satisfaction of fantasy dominance. For entertainment purposes only, of course.)

Another Reason Why Kansas City Will Never Win A Super Bowl In This Century

In KC, snitchin' is bitchin'.

Slim Pickens was right. The Kansas City Chiefs have released their 2008-09 "Fan Code of Conduct" aka the "Fun Police Handbook." Thanks to Yahoo! and Pro Football Talk, the world has been informed that the Chiefs not only wish to discourage their fans from standing up during games, but that they're implementing a text-message snitch system. Yes, now Arrowhead Stadium patrons can anonymously rat out fans in their section who are offending them without actually having to stand up in front of their kids and show them that the old man don't take no shit from fat drunk with a giant red "K" painted on his bulbous gut. We aren't in love with obnoxious slobs who think they're part of the entertainment either, but if you want to watch games in a quiet, inoffensive, controlled environment then stay home and sit down, Waldo. Real fans go to games to scream and stomp and jump and shout about their favorite team (alcohol optional but recommended.) If you want to improve the fan experience, Kansas City, why not prohibit children under age 2 from the stadium and hire more damn security?

Seriously, this text-message snitch dealie is the biggest whiny-baby-pussy thing in sports since the No Fun League clamped down on touchdown and sack dances. Look, if Champ Bailey knocks the wind out of Randy Moss, and Boss Bailey scoops up the loose ball and gets a TD out of it, don't you want to see them do the Kid N' Play "House Party" dance all the way down the sideline? We do.

Of course, it's entirely possible that this rule appears in the Broncos' policies too. But until a similar Denver policy is confirmed, we don't care. And even if it is, this is Kansas City we're talking about.

Screw Kansas City!

We strangled the kitten anyway.

No, of course we didn't kill Mr. Pumpkins. The Broncos won as predicted (and by God, expected) over the utterly pathetic Chiefs. A win is a win, and we give a hearty Mile High salute to the Broncos and to the man himself...Pumpkin Pie definitely had his way with the hapless Chief defenders and we rate his performance a solid 4:

That's right, FOUR PIES. Jay, keep slinging up these multi-Pie performances and who knows? Maybe you can get the Broncos going in spite of Shanahan. We'd hate to see Mike get saved like Doc Rivers is getting bailed out by Kevin Garnett over in Boston, but hey, whatever keeps Denver from sucking, right?