Can B-Marsh Tie His Own Shoes Without Incident?

"Aw, double hamburgers."

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According to various news sources, Brandon Marshall went to New York to discuss his conduct with Commissioner Goodell last week. No word on whether or not the two men took turns setting up the couch cushions in front of the TV to construct a makeshift wrestling ring but interestingly enough, besides Marshall's lawyer it sounds like Rod Smith went along to plead against a suspension. Either that or Rod was just there to keep B-Marsh from downing a fifth of Cuervo in the car and breaking his ankle on a Snickers wrapper while crossing the street.

Look, I want the Broncos to win too, but three arrests including a DUI? Send the asshole a message before B-Marsh thinks he can get away with anything and pulls a Leonard Little.

Rod also announced his retirement today, which we already thought he'd done, but much respect for Rod anyway. He should be in the Hall of Fame, but the voters are a little stupid sometimes. We'll see. Hopefully the Broncos give Rod something more important to do than babysit their dumbest player.

Where was all this aggression during the season?

Daniel Graham just got arrested for beating up a bedpost at his ex-girlfriend's house. Outstanding. That makes the fifth member of Denver's 2007 roster (okay, David Kircus is stretching it, but he did collect a paycheck) to get cuffed for stupidity in the last 365 days.

The Broncos won't be breaking the Bengals' overall record for arrests in a single year, but they're certainly trying, aren't they? Maybe Graham wants to be moved? Tony Scheffler almost completely took Graham out of the Broncos' TE picture this year. Either way, stupid move, Daniel. After Sauerbrun gave that poor cabdriver a drunken-rage smackdown, you'd think Denver players would know better.

And to think there are Denver fans who want the team to go after Chad Johnson. Lord have mercy.

"Sorry, I thought you were Devin Hester."

Okay, so Todd Sauerbrun got drunk and smacked a cab driver around. I think it's safe to say he'll be looking for a new employer fairly soon--unless Shanahan wants to look like "anything goes" in Denver. Maybe Todd wants to be a male model or something and doesn't care. He certainly looks like he wants to be the Tom Brady of punters in the above Star Shot. Hey, chicks dig the long ball and they love a guy with hang time.

In addition Brandon Marshall is going to court because of a DUI. Brandon, you're a dummy. Yeah, we said it. Look, we here at LPP have driven a tad tipsy before--but we NEED to drink to keep the mind-numbing crush of reality from destroying our weak spirits. We'll be wage slaves for the next 30 years. B-Marsh simply has to keep his nose clean for 7-8 years and he'll be set for LIFE. Didn't he learn anything from Big Baby Daddy? Fool! If you make NFL money, you can afford a cab! You cannot, however, afford to beat up the driver of the cab.

Hey, great judgment, fellas! Way to think about the team first!