One More Bronco In The Hall Of Fame Makes, Uh...Two

Gary Zimmerman aka the "Technician," who was on the NFL's All-Decade team for two different decades, is now the second player who associates himself mostly with the Denver Broncos to make it into the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Gary was part of the Broncos' stacked offensive line right up to the first championship in 1997. Although Zimmerman spent the bulk of his career with the Vikings, the Vikings had inept ownership and basically sucked while he was there and the Broncos had John Elway and won a Super Bowl. Who would you rather represent? Exactly. Congratulations to one of the best offensive linemen ever.

As the linked article states, there are other guys in the Hall of Fame who played for Denver, but they mostly made their marks elsewhere. That may change if Rod Smith gets in (Art Monk just got in with similar numbers--over more years--and one fewer Super Bowl ring, so there's hope right there) and Shannon Sharpe will be up soon. Champ Bailey and Tom Nalen are possibilities too. And then there's Terrell.

Terrell Davis is a longshot even though he crushes the numbers of Gale Sayers, who played roughly the same length of time and never won a title. Yet Sayers is given legend status, the Sandy Koufax of the NFL (although Koufax was more dominant in his sport) and even made the All-Century team. Not to put down Sayers, he's a college legend and was one of the best RB's of his era. But the Sporting News ranked him #21 all time in the NFL...among all players, not just RBs. That's just ludicrous; even Gale Sayers wouldn't rank himself that high. Not above players like Earl Campbell, Ronnie Lott, Dan Marino, and O.J. Simpson. The real reason for this, of course, is sentmentality. Besides the whole "Brian's Song" thing, the Bears of the George Halas era are put on that pedestal next to the Vince Lombardi Packers, the Chuck Noll Steelers, the Bill Walsh 49er's, and the Tom Landry Cowboys as one of "Those Teams." The fact that Gale Sayers came and went within only a handful of years added to the legend at a time when the NFL did not yet dominate the sports world, when TV wasn't the primary source of news and full of microscoped highlights, and when sportswriters for powerful newspapers in New York, Boston--and oh yeah, Chicago--were the ones fashioning sports legends in the minds of America. Terrell could never be canonized like that. Since the ESPN era began, few people could--maybe only Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods became larger than life and more than human. If Terrell had played for, say the New York Giants of the 1950's, he might have been bigger than Jim Brown. But he played for Denver, a city which even after 6 Super Bowl appearances, 2 NFL titles, the 2007 National League Champions, and a Stanley Cup, still finds itself regarded as a second- or even third-tier sports town in terms of national recognition and importance.

But this is about Terrell. Since we wouldn't take Sayers out of the Hall, where does that leave TD? Terrell, with 65 overall TDs, 7607 rushing yards, and two championships in essentially five full seasons (78 total games) is apparently going to be "one of those guys" who is left out in the cold until the voters wise up. This is not to take away from Gale Sayers. He was a great player and by all accounts, a really good guy. But where's the love for Terrell, who was just as great if not far better?

Anyway, that's where we stand on the Hall of Fame thing. LPP himself was going to write up a glowing love letter to Ed McCaffrey, but he's lazy and seriously, it kind of strikes the rest of us as, well...let's just say it's in the realm of Patriots fans who think Wes Welker is just fackin' dynamite but Randy Moss couldn't have done what he did last year without Brady feeding him perfect passes. Personally, I like McCaffrey too but calm down, bro. "I love you Eddie Mac"? Geez.

Can B-Marsh Tie His Own Shoes Without Incident?

"Aw, double hamburgers."

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According to various news sources, Brandon Marshall went to New York to discuss his conduct with Commissioner Goodell last week. No word on whether or not the two men took turns setting up the couch cushions in front of the TV to construct a makeshift wrestling ring but interestingly enough, besides Marshall's lawyer it sounds like Rod Smith went along to plead against a suspension. Either that or Rod was just there to keep B-Marsh from downing a fifth of Cuervo in the car and breaking his ankle on a Snickers wrapper while crossing the street.

Look, I want the Broncos to win too, but three arrests including a DUI? Send the asshole a message before B-Marsh thinks he can get away with anything and pulls a Leonard Little.

Rod also announced his retirement today, which we already thought he'd done, but much respect for Rod anyway. He should be in the Hall of Fame, but the voters are a little stupid sometimes. We'll see. Hopefully the Broncos give Rod something more important to do than babysit their dumbest player.

Something We Didn't Write

The Mile High Report has just posted up the latest in its series of Broncos season previews. The newest one's about Pumpkin Pie. It's really long, which is funny for something we didn't write ourselves. But here's a few excerpts with our comments added:

"In Cutler We Trust, and we should. While Cutler didn't have to take over the Broncos immediately after John Elway, he did take over as the starting quarterback under controversial circumstances, circumstances that divided the fanbase and still has some fans thinking it was the reason the team didn't make the playoffs in 2006." Thinking? Um...it was the actual reason.

"The Broncos, or any intelligent team for that matter, would never say rebuilding. Draft a young QB, however, and there are going to be growing pains. It has been no different for the Broncos, who enter 2008 with a losing record in games started by Cutler(9-12)." Maybe Shanahan and Bowlen should have said 'rebuilding' instead of posturing and trying to pretend to season ticket holders that they had a contender on their hands.

"That is a testament to the rest of the roster, more than of Cutler, and while he has made the mistakes young players make I think we have seen enough flashes of brilliance to know that if the Shadow of #7 was ever going to shorten a bit, #6 is the man to do it. Diabetes be damned." We agree, but can we make sure Shanahan's actually improved the rest of that game plan first? Their best receiver has a Bengal-esque police blotter and a ten-cent head. Their most experienced running back was cut because he's brainless. The offensive line has been first slowly, then (mid-2006) rapidly declining since 2005. Three years, three defensive coordinators. What we're saying is, please, Broncos...don't let poor Pumpkin Pie get smushed back there.

"Now we start taking steps forward. Heading into year 3, his second as the full-time starter, Jay Cutler is primed for big things. With his health under control, as well as much of the offense around him, Cutler is ready to take that next step towards the upper echelon of quarterbacks in the NFL. " Again, how under control is that offense? We'll believe it when we believe it.

Either way, Go Broncos. We'd like to be optimistic but it's just not our nature. Except regarding THE DARK KNIGHT, which we knew would be awesome and of course we were proven correct. Go ahead and hop on over to the Mile High Report and check out the rest of their sunny-side-up Season Preview. (We prefer MHR to the "official" Broncos site because Mile High Report never fired Andrew Mason.) We'll cross our fingers and maybe even get into a game at Mile High this year. Tickets are an expensive and difficult bitch to obtain when you're broke and supporting a massive cocaine and gummi bears (it's called freebearsing) habit, but we do what we can here at...

LET PLUMMER PLAY!

Pumpkin Pie Is Psyched For The Dark Knight

Mike Shanahan was pretty excited too, at least until his family told him that the character of Two-Face was not, in fact, based on Shanahan himself. After the coach finished sulking, he went to Fandango and switched his advance tickets to a midnight showing of "Mamma Mia."

Where have we seen this before?

"Oh dear, how can Brett Favre possibly wear another team's uniform?" WHAT-EVAH.

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News around the campfire has come through that Brett Favre has decided he isn't quite done yet. He's asked the Green Bay Packers--who after three or four false alarms officially tabbed Aaron Rodgers their new starting quarterback the minute Favre retired--to release him from his contract so he can find a new team to play for this season.

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Sound familiar?

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Favre wants to be released rather than traded so that he could have more say in his choice of teams. Green Bay is hesitant to give him what he wants because he might end up in Minnesota or Chicago--teams that would make this incident twice as embarrassing should Favre succeed.

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Sound familiar now?

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We're going to carefully watch how this plays out. Sure, Jake Plummer's numbers aren't up there with Favre's, but the situation is very, very similar. Team moves on to young QB, veteran requests release so HE can move on, team decides to hold his contract hostage due to egos and greed.

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Brett Favre does not have a trade clause, by the by. Technically the Pack can trade him to New England in exchange for a never-worn "19-0" World Championship T-Shirt and some slightly used video tapes and Favre would either be forced to report or retire for real...just like Jake. Now, the media has a big boner for Favre because he's been the NFL's Golden Boy QB since the day he took the NFL's favorite team back to the NFC title game in 1995. He's going to get weekly articles written about his situation; some sympathetic, some critical. Jake Plummer didn't get as much attention when he opted out, and I think we all know why...

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Because Brett Favre is white, and Jake Plummer just happens to be...um, wait. Never mind.

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Either way, the Packers are in a lose-lose situation. If the organization is truly the class act it purports to be, it will wash its hands of Favre, wish him well, make no attempts to keep him off the Bears, or Vikings, or Lions, and resolve to pound the crap out of him after the standing ovation dies down the first time he walks back into Lambeau. If the organization is a bunch of punks revolving around the decisions of a has-been with a Napoleon complex, Brett might find himself getting shipped off to another city or forced to do something drastic like show up to training camp and play well enough so that the Packers have to either alienate their supposed future QB for life or look like complete tools by letting Favre ride the pine when he's still considered a top ten player at his position.

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Now, because you might be calling us complete idiots right now, here's where the story differs between Favre and Plummer besides the fact that, yes, Favre is a future Hall of Famer and Jake is not (but we still like Jake better so f*** you.) Jake never asked to be pulled from the starting lineup. The Broncos still had a playoff spot when Shanahan decided that the Broncos were no longer playing for the Super Bowl that year (and what does every team state that they're playing for when the season begins, from Detroit to Miami to Oakland to Houston? THE SUPER BOWL.) When the next season started, Jake saw no logic in backing up Cutler for a team that had plainly stated "WE DON'T WANT YOU IN THERE EVEN IF IT COSTS US THE SEASON," and asked for a release. Shanahan and the Broncos, fearful that Jake might go to Houston or Oakland and potentially make them look foolish, said, "NO," and traded him out of the conference despite Jake's promise that he would never put on a helmet for the Tampa Bay Fake Raiders (oh, we aren't letting that one go.)

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Favre, meanwhile, is simply a man going back on his word, albeit a word pressured upon him by Green Bay, who needed to know well in advance if they needed to tweak their NFC runner-up team around Brett Favre or retool the offense for Aaron Rodgers. Favre, tired from a long season, disappointed by a conference-losing interception, and comforted that he'd had a hell of a season for his age, made the snap decision that okay, enough was enough I guess. The Packers exhaled and tried to move on. Then six months later Brett decides okay, well I guess enough is NOT enough. Favre gets blame here as well simply for not thinking things through. It's the same kind of thinking that took Roger Clemens from respected Legend-with-a-capital-L of baseball to a recurring will-he-or-won't-he-come-back annoyance. And this was BEFORE the steroid allegations blew up.

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We here are going to side with Favre simply because we couldn't give a crap about the NFC and we'll always take the proletariat over the bourgoisie. The thought of seeing Favre with an NFC Central rival chopping up the Packers secondary gives us a perverse little chill. Will Brett get his wish and get released? You know what? We believe he will if only because the Football Gods obviously hate us and will want us to get pissed off about seeing Brett Favre doing what Jake Plummer could not do--come out ahead of The Man. Maybe he finds his way into an approved trade that works out for everyone, but the only way the Packers trade him within the NFC is if they send him to a creampuff team that's no threat to Green Bay, like Atlanta or St. Louis. And even then, there's the danger that Favre sparks an unexpected playoff run and the Packers end up looking stupid. They'll talk to a few AFC teams, they'll try to con Favre into retiring, but in the end, Brett Favre will probably get his way because he's Brett Favre and that's just what happens to the Brett Favres of the world.

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However, it won't end up exactly how he pictured it. That much we can guarantee. The NFL is a funny place and the owners do not want to set precedent by letting a guy get his way over the outline of a contract even if the owners can terminate most contracts with a word. Why else do you think Tampa Bay and Denver came down on Jake so hard instead of just letting him go? The NFL bigwigs don't want to set precedent for players gaining an advantage; they want to make examples of players and remind them for whom this league exists to be exploited.

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Our final thoughts are directed towards Jake Plummer. One wonders what he thinks of the situation. We imagine after he finished rolling his eyes at the coincidence and irony of Favre's situation, Jake sat back, had a few words about it with his wife, family, or friends, and said "You know what? I hope Brett comes out on top in this one and sticks it right up Green Bay's cheese." (purely hypothetical)

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Not just because old QB's stick together. Not just because one naturally tends to favor the individual over the corporation. Not just because Jake was once in a similar situation and would like to see someone stick it to The Man the way The Man stuck it to Jake. No, Jake would favor Brett in the end because when it's all said and done, right or wrong, Brett Favre embarrassing Green Bay would be Schadenfreude of the highest order and would simply be damn fun to watch.

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Brett Favre and Green Bay owe each other nothing now. It's time to wipe the board clean and walk away, without a bitch move like, oh, Green Bay trading Favre someplace he plainly doesn't want to be and costing him millions because the other team got dazzled and didn't pay attention to the traded player himself. After all, if Denver and Shanahan had just sucked up their pride and did Jake a favor for replacing and embarrassing him by saying "next year" was more important than "this year" while "this year" was still an outside possibility, we might have seen a 2007 NFL team that:

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LET PLUMMER PLAY!!!

(Note: Please forgive us for the ' stuff betweeen paragraphs. the blogger.com formatting is screwy on this particular computer.)

Things We Already Know About Jake But Don't Mind Hearing Again

“Just call the plays. I’m going out there and playing f***ing football.”

-Jake Plummer to Mike Shanahan, during a game. No, really. He said it.

One of our favorite foosball sites, Kissing Suzy Kolber, has just received a copy of a new book, on shelves now. It's by Stefan Fatsis, entitled A Few Seconds of Panic. The book details the writer's short but eventful publicity stunt stint as training camp place kicker for the Denver Broncos and his subsequent coverage of the team for the 2006-07 season. This, of course was the season in which rookie Jay Cutler succeeded the mighty Jake Plummer at quarterback, among other things. Subjects covered include the Darrent Williams tragedy, the writer shanking all sorts of practice kicks and the not-so-surprising revelation that (and we directly quote the KSK reviewer) "Jake Plummer's a badass."

Well, duh.

We'll definitely be picking up a copy of this as soon as possible and maybe even post a short synopsis/review of the parts pertaining to the Snake. Before we call it a day, we hope you all enjoyed a happy Independence Day (the holiday, not the movie) and we'd like to leave you with a Jake quote from Mr. Fatsis's book, regarding offseason workouts:

Jake: “Yeah, I missed some workouts. And you know what? Mike Shanahan, you can kiss my f***ing ass for being pissed at that… I don’t want to be here every f***ing day in the offseason.”

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Come back, dammit.

Another Reason Why Kansas City Will Never Win A Super Bowl In This Century

In KC, snitchin' is bitchin'.

Slim Pickens was right. The Kansas City Chiefs have released their 2008-09 "Fan Code of Conduct" aka the "Fun Police Handbook." Thanks to Yahoo! and Pro Football Talk, the world has been informed that the Chiefs not only wish to discourage their fans from standing up during games, but that they're implementing a text-message snitch system. Yes, now Arrowhead Stadium patrons can anonymously rat out fans in their section who are offending them without actually having to stand up in front of their kids and show them that the old man don't take no shit from fat drunk with a giant red "K" painted on his bulbous gut. We aren't in love with obnoxious slobs who think they're part of the entertainment either, but if you want to watch games in a quiet, inoffensive, controlled environment then stay home and sit down, Waldo. Real fans go to games to scream and stomp and jump and shout about their favorite team (alcohol optional but recommended.) If you want to improve the fan experience, Kansas City, why not prohibit children under age 2 from the stadium and hire more damn security?

Seriously, this text-message snitch dealie is the biggest whiny-baby-pussy thing in sports since the No Fun League clamped down on touchdown and sack dances. Look, if Champ Bailey knocks the wind out of Randy Moss, and Boss Bailey scoops up the loose ball and gets a TD out of it, don't you want to see them do the Kid N' Play "House Party" dance all the way down the sideline? We do.

Of course, it's entirely possible that this rule appears in the Broncos' policies too. But until a similar Denver policy is confirmed, we don't care. And even if it is, this is Kansas City we're talking about.

Screw Kansas City!