The end is near...

The playoffs are near, the Patriots are chasing perfection, Brett Favre is looking to ice his Hall of Fame cake, Michael Vick is practicing his grip on the soap, and the Denver Broncos are making January vacation plans for the second year in a row. It's been a topsy-turvy year for the NFL, and it's been a strange season of ups and downs. Actually, some might say it's been one of the all-time great years for the NFL. Of course, the only people saying this are writers who are paid to make average fans like you and me think stupid thoughts like this. The NFC is 90% irrelevant and the AFC is severely top-heavy. Case in point: there are only two teams west of Texas that don't stink, and only one team east of Pennsylvania that matters in the slightest. This wouldn't be a problem if everything in between was fine, but there's inconsistency across the rest of the board as well.

We here at LetPlummerPlay.com have mixed feelings about the end of the 2007 regular season. On the one hand, we're sad to see the Broncos run out of games. On the other hand, thank God they're not going to be getting brutally embarrassed anymore this year. With the new year upon us, we would like to present our few loyal readers with LetPlummerPlay.com's New Year's Resolutions:

1. We resolve to continue our undying support of that beleaguered specimen, the "Denver Quarterback Who is Forever Shadowed By the Ghost of John Elway." This means we will back our favorite NFL pastry, Pumpkin Pie himself: Jay Cutler. Jay's a solid, impressive passer who bravely plays behind a terrible offensive line for a coach that no longer seems to have any sense of direction or inclination to hire any sort of coaching assistant who could either challenge his authority or his job. Pumpkin Pie will be a tasty quarterbacking treat as long as someone--anyone--can put together a Broncos O-line that can stop a g*ddamn blitz once in a while. Otherwise he'll end up an injured, gun-shy mess...which is only a little worse than being discarded and banished to journeyman status, or being completely hounded out of the city.

2. With that in mind we resolve to continue cheering for the Broncos even as we criticize the hell out of anything we don't like about the team, especially if they are stinking up the joint. You know, like the fans in every other place outside of Fantasyland County, CO.

3. Along those same lines we resolve to give Mike Shanahan one more chance. Actually, we think he should be fired as of several weeks ago, but we know he's going to get another shot because of the now-decade-old glory days. If nothing else, we have a clear goal in 2008: continue to preach the truth about the sorry, sad decline of Denver's beloved "Mastermind."

4. We resolve to neither hate nor fear the New England Patriots. It's just been one of those years. They played in a division full of pansies and only played two teams that turned out to be legitimate contenders. We respect Tom Brady and the Pats for their accomplishments (even if they get bounced in the playoffs) but we also feel that there are several historic teams that could have taken them down...the 1997 Broncos are one of those teams, actually.

5. We resolve to keep an eye on Gary Kubiak. We won't be shifting team loyalties anytime soon, but Gary's doing a promising job down in Houston. Good for him.

6. We resolve to be polite and cordial on Andrew Mason's official Broncos blog. Actually, "LPP" himself abstains from this one. But the rest of us will behave, we swear. Mostly.

7. We resolve to try and be funnier. Some of our jokes and captions have fallen flat. Hey, you try being funny when your favorite team is worse than Helen Keller playing 20 Questions. We don't get paid for this, you know.

8. We resolve to try and find a way to get paid for this. Maybe a new T-Shirt.

9. We resolve to open up our site to other sports items of interest. The Rockies and Nuggets are a start, but to be honest...those aren't unanimous favorites of the entire staff. But we need to kill time between now and training camp with more than Shanahan-bashing and "Where is Jake now?" reports.

10. However, on that note, we resolve--nay, we solemnly declare--that we shall continue to maintain this site in honor of Jake "the Snake" Plummer, our all-time favorite NFL player. Although it is highly improbable, we will continue to cross our fingers that Jake rises again and shows the league what he can do with a real offensive line and more than one target on a team with a defense that shows up for every single game. Sure, Jake's still claiming retirement. Forgive us if we'd like to see, just once more, a team that will pick up a proven vet and...

LET PLUMMER PLAY!!!

Happy New Year to all, and best of luck to the 2008 Broncos. If Shanahan is still in charge, they're gonna need it.

More disappointing than Godfather 3 and the Matrix sequels. Combined.

That was just horrible. Nice Christmas present, Broncos. That game was mailed in like a sweepstakes entry. That game was slept through like a Latin class.

Not only did Pale Horseman get destroyed in his Fantasy Super Bowl by the San Diego defense's fumble recovery, four sacks, two picks, and general Bambi vs. Godzilla treatment of the Broncos, but he had to watch the Broncos suffer an even more humiliating defeat in real life! At least PH got the second place money for his troubles. All the Broncos got for Christmas was their two front teeth punched down their throats in an even bigger embarrassment than the 41-3 drubbing they took in Mile High. Yes, this loss was much worse than the last one. At least the first loss to the Chargers was a straight-up, mano-a-mano, ass-whupping. They were trying the first time back in October. That day, San Diego just tried a bit harder, ran a flawless game plan (how Norv managed that, we'll never know,) and ran all over the Broncos to a dominant victory.

Tonight, San Diego didn't even seem to be trying all that hard. The Broncos--John Lynch's uncharacteristic but probably very telling outburst aside--simply played like bored Pop Warner scrubs waiting to get their last paychecks and start their vacations. Is this what we agreed to as fans? Tonight the Broncos looked lazier than the New York Knicks after a turkey dinner. That's emergency time. Does anyone realize that if Shawne Merriman was still on his full roid regimen, there's a good chance that Pumpkin Pie would simply be a pile of crumbs right now?

Could the O-line have been any worse? (We shouldn't say that, there's still one game to go.) Poor Jay Cutler was running for his life half the game! We haven't seen desperate running like that since today at Target when the stock boy found an extra Nintendo Wii in the back. Do we have to say it again? That's not how you develop a quarterback--but it's a good way to wreck one.

If we see another performance like this in 2007, we hope that the performance also marks the final game of a certain coach--the man most Denver fans and media seem to consider "he who must not be blamed."

Oh, and Merry Christmas to the Plummer family!

Please score 50 points.

So, Monday Night is in San Diego. Last time the Broncos faced down the Chargers, they gave up something like 12,000 rushing yards. Hopefully they can catch the Bolts off-guard and get a victory.

They'd better. Pale Horseman's Fantasy Super Bowl opponent has the San Diego defense. CRUSH THEM!!!

¡Feliz cumpleaños!

On December 19th, 1974, Jason Steven Plummer was unleashed upon the world somewhere in Boise, Idaho. We here at LetPlummerPlay.com would like to wish our favorite QB a happy 33rd birthday. Kind of sucks to have a birthday at this time of year. We get the feeling Jake had to put up with a lot of "combo gifts" growing up. But have a happy birthday regardless, Jake, and continue to enjoy retirement--although if you get bored, there's always a needy team out there who might...

LET PLUMMER PLAY!!!

ESPN did our update for us

(From ESPN.com)
"Somewhere, Jake Plummer Is Chortling: For years, TMQ has complained that the Houston Texans are dull. Thursday night against Denver, they seemed exciting -- it had to be that they were in all red! Or all Battle Red, as the Texans call that color. (Their other colors are officially Steel Blue and Liberty White, though the latter sure seems like Copy Paper White to me.) The red monochrome looked good on the Texans, and seemed to result in an uptick in their performance. Houston, ditch the moo-cow livery and keep the all red!

As for the Broncos, their coach -- whom the Denver team Web site calls "The Ultimate Leader" -- sure looks lost. Last year around Thanksgiving, Denver was 7-4 and held the inside track for a wild-card berth. But fans and football pundits kept complaining about Jake Plummer, and the Broncos had lost two straight, although they were close losses to San Diego and Kansas City, both power teams last season. Mike Shanahan decided to switch to Jay Cutler, and the Broncos are 8-11 since then, eliminated last season and now eliminated this season. Sure, there's more going on with that team beyond the quarterback switch, and sure Cutler has promise. But last year, Denver was a winner under Plummer, and since then, Denver has been a loser under Cutler. One suspects Plummer is off fly-fishing somewhere and having a good laugh about this."

Okay, ha-ha, very funny Mr. ESPN guy. That's totally not true. Jake isn't fly-fishing, he's playing handball. And there's a good chance he's not laughing. Everything else is true, though. Poor Pumpkin Pie. Is he going to be stuck under coach Norman Bates forever?

Well, no playoffs this year. That makes two years in a row for the first time in what seems like forever.

Run, Pumpkins, Run!!!

The game's not over yet, but we might as well start the rant...Gary Kubiak, Buckshot Rosenfels, and the Houston Texans are simply out-doing the Broncos on both sides of the ball. Despite some nice (but painfully one-dimensional) rapport between Pumpkin Pie and Brandon Marshall, the Horsies showed up looking nothing like the team that stomped all over KC last week. This is probably because Houston, unlike KC, isn't an injury-riddled stink-bomb of a team.

The O-line can't stop anyone, the D-line can't stop anyone, and so therefore, the Broncos can't stop anyone. Anyone ready to point fingers at the man who made this all possible yet? Anyone? We've officially gone backwards from last year, and that season was considered a bust.

Cutler looks good, but if you can't consistently block for him or stop the other team from putting up 20-30 points a game, then his development is rendered useless. Meanwhile all Larry Coyer (our former defensive coordinator) is doing over in Tampa Bay is helping them to be a top-3 defense. A lot of people want to blame Jim Bates for how bad the defense is doing. That's fair. But Shanahan did the firing and hiring that led to all of this, and makes decisions like "let's play conservative all year then suddenly try to go for 4th downs in week 15" or "let's punt to Devin Hester again, that last TD was a fluke."

Well, screw Shanahan, he's blown his second year in a row. By the way, somewhere around the 2nd quarter, Mr. Pumpkins caught a glimpse of how the Broncos were doing, weighed his options, and well...

Godspeed, Mr. Pumpkins. Don't look back...don't look back...remember us here at...

LET PLUMMER PLAY!!!

Jason Elam and the Great American Novel

So Jason Elam wrote a book. The above title is not a joke. It is called "Monday Night Jihad," and it's about a special-ops commando/pro football linebacker (not a kicker, sadly enough) who fights terrorism in the USA and overseas. Sound like anyone familiar? Since we personally have never written novels here, we won't really make fun of it--for most of us, writing anything more than 3-4 pages of cohesive story is a hell of a process (but then, "and Steve Yohn" might mean Jason simply contributed to a ghostwritten book.)

Although we won't make fun of the overall effort, let's face it. It's a stupid title. It sounds like a "Family Guy" joke (Peter Griffin: "Boy, this is worse than the time our cable went out and we had to watch Hamas TV." Hank Williams Jr: "Are you ready for some jihad?") and Elam sure as heck didn't write a comedic novel here. If you'd like to read the first part of the book, click here to go to Amazon.

So if you have any family members who like Tom Clancy books, or the Bourne Identity, or just want to read something written by a football player that isn't a biography, pick up "Monday Night Jihad" by Jason Elam and Steve Yohn. It's the perfect holiday gift, Broncos fans!**

AMERICA!!! F*** YEAH!!!

**disclaimer: may not actually be a good holiday gift.

"Sorry, I thought you were Devin Hester."

Okay, so Todd Sauerbrun got drunk and smacked a cab driver around. I think it's safe to say he'll be looking for a new employer fairly soon--unless Shanahan wants to look like "anything goes" in Denver. Maybe Todd wants to be a male model or something and doesn't care. He certainly looks like he wants to be the Tom Brady of punters in the above Star Shot. Hey, chicks dig the long ball and they love a guy with hang time.

In addition Brandon Marshall is going to court because of a DUI. Brandon, you're a dummy. Yeah, we said it. Look, we here at LPP have driven a tad tipsy before--but we NEED to drink to keep the mind-numbing crush of reality from destroying our weak spirits. We'll be wage slaves for the next 30 years. B-Marsh simply has to keep his nose clean for 7-8 years and he'll be set for LIFE. Didn't he learn anything from Big Baby Daddy? Fool! If you make NFL money, you can afford a cab! You cannot, however, afford to beat up the driver of the cab.

Hey, great judgment, fellas! Way to think about the team first!

We strangled the kitten anyway.

No, of course we didn't kill Mr. Pumpkins. The Broncos won as predicted (and by God, expected) over the utterly pathetic Chiefs. A win is a win, and we give a hearty Mile High salute to the Broncos and to the man himself...Pumpkin Pie definitely had his way with the hapless Chief defenders and we rate his performance a solid 4:

That's right, FOUR PIES. Jay, keep slinging up these multi-Pie performances and who knows? Maybe you can get the Broncos going in spite of Shanahan. We'd hate to see Mike get saved like Doc Rivers is getting bailed out by Kevin Garnett over in Boston, but hey, whatever keeps Denver from sucking, right?

Checking in with Jake

Thanks to, um "Anonymous" on the message boards for pointing us in the direction of this sweet little article about Jake's ongoing retirement. Live it, Snake! We still obviously follow the Broncos but we haven't forgotten our favorite QB!

If they lose this game, we'll strangle a baby kitten.

Jay's actual happy place will likely be Invesco Field this weekend. Not to be overly optimistic, but given their current problems, the Chiefs are definitely in the running for the worst team in the NFL. Yes, their record says otherwise (sort of) but we'd take any team over KC right now, especially on the road and even more especially in a game-changing venue like Mile High. Yes, even Miami.

So the Broncos get a breather against a bad team. Granted, Chicago and Oakland were pretty bad too, and those games didn't turn out so well...but the week 14 edition of KC is in a different class of bad. Hopefully this will not only be a victory but a confidence builder.

They'll need every edge possible to survive the upcoming road games in Houston and San Diego.

One thing is certain: they can't finish any better than last year's 9-7 record, and in 2006, 9-7 wasn't good enough to make the playoffs. Jacksonville looks to have Wild Card #1 wrapped up. That means it's mostly down to Cleveland, Tennessee, and Buffalo for the last spot, with Houston and yes, Denver still possibilities sitting in serious holes.

Playoffs? Playoffs??? With this schedule, Denver was supposed to challenge for the AFC West this year. Now we're just trying to finish .500!

Right now, we're about as good as Oakland. Take a long look at both rosters and tell us what's really so different about them. Is that where we want to be?

Wow. Did we really just say that?

Travis Henry 1, NFL 0

Travis Henry actually won his suspension appeal. Good for him and his nine child support payments. Good for the Broncos, too. They have enough problems with injuries without having to lose a guy to something else entirely.

Of course, he's still going to get scapegoated as a distraction by the Shanahan apologists. While it's a fair accusation, we get the feeling Big Baby Daddy and Jim Bates are going to be this year's Jake Plummer and Larry Coyer--meaning they'll be the ones getting all the blame while no one blames Shanahan for enabling the whole mess to begin with.

Congratulations to Big Baby Daddy! Unfortunately, he probably won't be celebrating this personal victory in the manner he loves best...too bad. A bit of the hydroponic bionic would certainly help to dull the pain of losing to the freakin' Raiders. Ugh...the RAIDERS?!?!?!

RAIDERS DEVOUR PUMPKIN PIE

Unbelievable. The Raiders. THE RAIDERS. Who can doubt us now? Who can call us WRONG???

Oh, did someone mumble something about Jake Plummer? We love the Snake, but before you brave anonymous posters start calling us out again as simple-minded Jake boosters, let's remember: we've been pointing fingers at Shanahan since BEFORE he benched Jake. This isn't about the second-greatest QB in Broncos history, this is about THE BRONCOS. They STINK.

This team, from rosters to coaches was hand-picked by MIKE SHANAHAN. Don't whip out the "young team" excuse. This is essentially the same team from last year that went 9-7 and missed the playoffs on the last day of the season...oh, wait, we added guys like Bly and Big Baby Daddy who were supposed to IMPROVE us behind a "maturing" Jay Cutler. Well, poor Pumpkin Pie is not going to learn anything from Mike Shanahan except how to blame other people for mistakes. Shanahan has officially entered the downturn of his career and unfortunately, people are still too blinded by his "legendary" reputation to notice that the last nine years of Denver football haven't been "legendary," they've been ADEQUATE...and now it's gone from "adequate" to "pathetic."

We like Pumpkin Pie, but we fear for his development in the chaotic atmosphere Shanahan has created. Before he ruins yet ANOTHER young QB, it's time to put the old horse out to pasture. Mike Shanahan lost his edge a LONG time before refusing to...

LET PLUMMER PLAY!!!